Heaven or Hell
by RobinCullen05
Summary: As soon as I saw him my body was overcome with anger, annoyance, and lust. I hated the fact that he still had the ability to make me want him." AH/AU Cannon pairs eventually, E/B
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here is my newest story. It was the winner on the poll but I had to tweek a few things as I began writing. I hope you enjoy it. Yes, I'm still working on Why Not? but this story wouldn't leave my head so I had to write it. I'm looking for a Beta for this story so if anyone wants to do it, let me know.  
**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. See you at the bottom!**

Chapter 1

Take it

"He won't be there. He won't be there. He won't be there." I mumbled to myself as the plane took off from Florida. The older balding man in the seat next to me eyed me warily and tried in vain to scoot just a little closer to the isle and away from me.

I gave him my best 'I promise I'm not crazy' smile and turned my gaze toward the window. I watched as the ground below grew farther and farther away. There was no turning back now. I kept my eyes trained on the window and tried like hell to keep my thoughts on seeing Rose and Alice rather than the man I prayed wouldn't show.

I knew it was a long shot but I was counting on the 'I don't care about anyone but myself' attitude he had developed in his adulthood to keep him busy in New York, rather than attending his brother's wedding like he should. I really hoped his selfishness would benefit me for once in my pathetic life. As the plane steadied my mind forced me back to my youth and unfortunately that meant thoughts of Edward clouded my brain.

I had lived in Forks with my mom and dad until I left for college. It was a fairly simple existence and I had a happier childhood than most. My best friend had been Rosalie Hale. Our parents were friends and the two of us had basically known each other since birth. Well mine any ways, Rosalie was a year older than I was. We soon made friends with another kid on our block named Jasper. He was Rosalie's age and somehow never minded hanging out with two girls. I was ten when the Cullen's moved in. Alice and Edward were my age and Emmett was almost two years older than them.

We all became a tight knit group and I don't have a single memory from my youth that one or all of them aren't in. Edward eventually replaced Rose as the person I was closest to. He knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. Edward had been adopted by Esme and Carlisle when he was eight years old. His father had died of a heart attack and his mother, in her grief, decided she couldn't handle raising him by herself, so she put him up for adoption. For as long as I live I will never be able to understand how she could get rid of Edward. Esme and Carlisle adopted Edward after he was in a foster home for only three months, in that sense he was very lucky. Esme and Carlisle were great and have never loved him any less than their own children.

The light turbulence shook me from my empathetic thoughts of him. I had to force him from my mind. I had loved the Edward who I knew growing up, without a doubt. I was young but I was in love with him. The adult Edward whom I hadn't spoken to in three years was a man I didn't want to see.

I was twenty-three the last time I saw him and I really didn't care to see him today. I had been dreading Rosalie and Emmett's wedding specifically for that reason. I wondered how appropriate it would be for the bridesmaid to smash her champagne glass into the best man's skull as the finale of my reception toast. At this point I'm not so sure Rosalie would even be upset with me.

Rosalie had spent the past year planning this wedding in Forks for over a year and Edward had been the bane of her existence in that time. She already wasn't on good terms with him after what Edward did to me but she tolerated him for Emmett's sake.

Emmett was adamant that his brother be his best man, but every time Rose spoke to Edward to try and nail down a definite yes or no, or figure out when he would arrive this week he would find some new way to tell her to relax and that he would see what was going on when the time came. God forbid anyone try to make plans with the Edward Cullen, dick.

The saddest part wasn't that he was now a perpetual asshole. The hardest part was knowing who he used to be. Why couldn't I stop thinking about him?

"Stop it!"I slammed my hands down on the armrests in frustration at myself. The bald guy next to me jerked his head in my direction and stared at me with wide eyes. I mumbled an apology and sunk deeper into my chair.

Lovely, I'm sure he's convinced I've lost my mind; I'm not too sure I haven't. I straightened out my top and ran my fingers through my hair hoping to keep some resemblance of sanity, even if it was only on the surface.

This was bound to be a week from hell. I scoffed at myself for a moment at how I would be the only person complaining about a taking a week long vacation. There was even a fifty-fifty chance I would be in Washington with one of the most breathtaking male specimens on the planet. Of course, that male was my ex, and the only man I had ever allowed to truly break my heart, so it wasn't all sunshine and butterflies.

Add that to the fact that the week was full of fittings, rehearsals and dinner parties and I was, in fact, in hell. This was probably the first time in since I moved there that I really cared to be back in Florida. While I was at the University of Washington, Renee talked Charlie into moving to Jacksonville after only twenty years of trying. The plan was for him to retire but that didn't exactly happen and now he works for the police department there. Once I graduated I decided I needed a change of scenery and followed them there after much begging from both Charlie and Renee.

It seemed to help my career though, so I couldn't complain too much. Florida gave me some new perspective and I was able to finally finish my first novel. The second novel came easily, but my third book was plaguing my mind. I was beginning to think I wanted to do more. I was hoping eventually I would be able to go back to school and get my masters in literature but I just couldn't make myself commit to that right now.

Florida was nice enough but I actually did miss Forks. I missed my friends, I missed the quiet, heck I even missed the rain. Maybe I was just trying to cling to my youth. Aside from being a fairly successful author my life was unsatisfying. I dated a little, but no one really moved me. I had friends but not like the friends I had back home. I was happy enough, but there had to be more to life than this.

I closed my eyes to try to drift off to sleep to escape my annoying whining.

After two layovers my plane was touching down in Washington. I took a deep breath and willed my stronger self to take over and get me through this week. Edward being here no longer mattered, I was here for Rose and Emmett and I would not allow him to ruin my time with friends. Yeah, maybe if I told myself that enough I would actually believe it.

I walked through the airport searching for Emmett. Rose said he would be here to pick me up because she would be teaching today and her vacation started tomorrow. I still had to laugh when I thought about her chosen profession as a kindergarten teacher. Rose could be a foul mouthed bad ass, but her love of kids drove her to teaching ABC's and playing with playdough. She really did love her job.

I searched through the crowds of people looking for the closest thing to a brother I had when I felt two arms grip me around the waist from behind. Before I had time to scream my feet were off the ground and I was spinning in circles.

"Emmett, you big oaf, put me down!" I yelled. His booming laugh filled my ears as he set me on my feet and spun me to face him.

I hit him in the chest before I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"God, I've missed you." I breathed.

"I've missed you too Swan. Are you ready to go see everyone?" He grinned widely showing off his dimples.

"Let's do it." I said with fake enthusiasm.

The ride to Forks was great! Emmett played all the old songs we used to listen to on his iPod while we sang badly and laughed at ourselves and our terrible past taste in music.

"You've been gone too long girl." He sighed as we ended a bad version of Smash mouth's 'All Star'.

"I know. So what's the game plan for the week?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"You'd have to ask Ro about that. All I know is we are all staying at the Cullen estate this week and she has plenty to keep you busy." He said giving me an apologetic smile.

"I figured." I said with a sigh.

After more cheesy music and Emmett catching me up on his work we pulled up to Esme and Carlisle's huge house.

I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what was waiting inside.

I stood on the steps in front of the door before Emmett laughed and pushed me through the door.

The sound of footsteps moving quickly through the kitchen made me smile despite myself. Esme emerged into the living room with a huge smile and her famous big wooden spoon still in her hand.

"Bella!" She cried as she pulled me into her arms. "You look absolutely beautiful, dear." She gushed.

"Please Esme; I've been on a plane for ages. Look at you, do you even age woman?" I laughed. I had always treasured the relationship I had with Esme. She was like a second mom that I could talk to freely.

"Oh you are a liar, but I love you any way." She laughed. I followed Esme into the kitchen and started helping her with the dinner she was preparing.

We picked up conversation easily as she told me about the interior design work she had been doing.

"What's wrong Bella?" She asked once there was a lull in the conversation. I thought I was doing a good job at hiding my nerves; apparently I wasn't.

I bit my lip and decided it would be better to not start airing drama this early in the week. Edward might not even show and then it would all be for not.

"Um…I don't really want to talk about it right now." I said. There was no point in telling her nothing was wrong; she would know I was lying.

She gave me a knowing smile and I swear I heard her mutter the words 'son' and 'idiot' under breath but I couldn't be sure.

It was almost five in the evening when I heard the door open and slam shut.

"Isabella Swan, don't make me hunt you down!" Rose yelled through the house.

I jumped off the stool at the island in Esme's kitchen and ran to the living room.

"Thank god you finally got your ass back here." Rose mumbled as she threw her bags down in a chair.

"I love you too Rosalie." I grinned as she rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, get over here." She grumbled. We gave each other a quick hug as we sat down on the couch.

"So…are you nervous?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes at me and laughed. "I'm only worried he'll say something stupid during the ceremony. He actually insisted we right our own vows. That's the only thing that has me scared. We've been together so long that this just feels natural."

I couldn't have been happier for her and Emmett. All throughout high school they had done nothing but fight like cats and dogs. Emmett hit on her constantly and she hit him constantly. It was actually very entertaining to watch. It wasn't until later in college that they finally gave into each other and they've been together in every sense. I'm pretty sure Emmett was just waiting on her while he spent his time being somewhat of a man whore.

We talked about a few wedding details before I worked up the nerve to ask her the question I was really wanting to know.

"So…um do you know when everyone is going to be here?" I asked hoping she wouldn't make me say his name.

"Alice and Jasper are driving in from L.A. They should be here in a couple of hours. Some of mine and Emmett's friends from Seattle will be here for the rehearsal dinner and the bachelorette party in a few days." She said absentmindedly.

I gave her an exasperated look and she sighed heavily.

"I don't know if Edward is coming. Apparently his life in New York is so busy he can't be bothered to set any plans in stone. Emmett is sure he'll show but I don't know if or when he'll be here."

I nodded feeling relieved yet for some stupid reason I was almost…sad at the idea of him not showing up. I'm sure that sadness had to be for Emmett; he deserved to have his brother here.

"Girls!" Carlisle beamed as he came in the front door still dressed in his scrubs. Rose nudged me with her elbow and I resisted the urge to laugh. When we were young we thought Alice's dad was the hottest man ever and we argued over which one of us would marry him when we grew up.

"Carlisle!" we cheered in unison as we got up and hugged him. He laughed lightly and told us how good it was to see us. I knew it had been years since I had been here but I assumed Emmett and Rose came to see his parents frequently since Seattle wasn't that far away.

We exchanged a few more pleasantries and Carlisle chuckled when I blushed as he told me what a beautiful woman I had grown in to. Something about being back here made me feel sixteen instead of twenty-six. Carlisle excused himself to greet Esme who was still in the kitchen and Rose and I went back to talking.

"He still looks like a Greek god doesn't he?" Rose whispered.

"Yep" I smiled. We laughed for a moment about our childhood crush on the good doctor.

Not much later Esme called us in for Dinner and we walked into the dining room to find Emmett already at the table staring at his plate in front of him eagerly.

The conversation flowed as freely as the wine while we ate and discussed our lives. After dinner Emmett, Rose, and myself sat in the living room watching old home movies from our childhood. Esme had felt the need to document every moment possible. I hated it then but was thankful for it now.

We had just gotten to a tape of Emmett doing the Macarena in a pink boa when the front door burst open.

"Did you miss me?!" Alice yelled as she ran to me and Rose. The three of us were wrapped tightly together when I saw Jasper stumble over the threshold weighed down with what appeared to be ten suitcases. He dropped them all on the floor as he gave Emmett a manly hug.

"Jasper!" I yelled as Rose and I playfully shoved each other to get to him first. I heard Alice scoff at being ditched as we hugged him tightly.

"How's everyone doing?" Jasper laughed as we let go of him.

Everyone responded with their 'goods' and 'greats' and we headed into the dining room where the bar was. It wasn't long after everyone had fixed themselves a drink that Emmett drug Jasper out to the garage to look at the modifications that he, Rose, had done to the jeep. It was getting late so Rosalie, Alice, and I went to change into some pajamas.

We all met back downstairs in our various shorts and tank tops. I knew there was no way I was going to get out of this girls night. Knowing Rose she had probably already told Emmett for him and Jasper to stay out of our hair. Truth be told, I didn't really mind; I missed these girls.

We had all planted ourselves down in front of the television to watch movies when Esme came down stairs to say goodnight.

"Alright Carlisle and I are going to bed, you kids be good." Esme said as she headed back to her room.

We all said goodnight and gave one another a smirk at being referred to as kids.

It wasn't an hour later when I realized Esme might not have been too far off.

"No Alice." I snorted as my third…or fourth margarita sloshed in its glass.

"She only went to second with Tyler. It was Paul who she said felt like his tongue was having a seizure, when he, you know..." I raised my eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh my god! You're right; I forgot about that!" Alice laughed hysterically. Rose rolled her eyes at us before she had enough of our teasing.

"Ha ha ha, are we done now?" Rose said without emotion. Alice and I nodded at each other but we were both fighting bringing up some other men from her past.

"I'm going to run up to my room real quick. I'll be right back." Alice said quickly before hopping off the couch.

"You think she's going to find Jasper?" Rose hinted.

"Possibly." I shrugged.

"So Bella, any new man in your life you haven't told me about?" She said with a smirk.

"Look what I found!" Alice sang as she stumbled down the stairs. I was grateful for the interruption until I saw the cd case she held in her hands.

Rosalie laughed loudly while my head shook furiously.

"No Alice, I'm not doing it. I'm not fifteen. I have a career, bills, a mortgage; I refuse." I said seriously.

"Oh come on Bella. We are never together anymore. Please for old times' sake." She gave me those damn puppy dog eyes as Rosalie stuck a hairbrush in my hands and grabbed the remote control for herself.

"This is ridiculous." I tried to argue but that damn pout had already caused me to lose the fight. Alice grinned knowing she'd won and went to put the disc in the stereo.

"I hate you both." I mumbled as the music started. Alice grabbed another brush from her coach purse and we all lined up. The two of them were grinning like fools and as much as I hated this, their silliness was contagious.

The beat picked up and Rose stepped out in front of us and belted out the first line of song like we did when we were younger.

"Yo, I'll tell ya what I want what I really want!" She sang proudly.

Alice and I picked up right behind her and I found myself laughing and singing despite the now annoying song and loss of my dignity.

After two more margaritas we were still singing old Spice girls songs. I somehow wound up standing on Esme's coffee table belting out some more lyrics and shaking my ass. I was shamefully getting into it when I heard someone clear their throat loudly.

I dropped the damn brush on my toe when I turned and saw the sexiest green eyes to ever meet mine. Edward stood in the doorway my eyes surveyed him against my wishes but they liked what they saw.

As soon as I saw him my body was overcome with anger, annoyance, and lust. I hated the fact that he still had the ability to make me want him.

Edward stood with that cocky ass grin dressed in jeans and an old rock t-shirt. His black leather jacket hung perfectly on his lean but built frame and that damn sex hair was screaming at me to touch it. His helmet rested under his arm and he nearly dropped it when Alice sprang into his arms.

She hugged him fiercely and I thought I saw a tear fall down her cheek. As soon as she broke away from him she slapped him upside the back of his head, hard.

"Damn it, Alice, what the hell was that for?" He asked while rubbing his head.

"That is for the past two years that you haven't bothered to come and see any of us." She seethed before wrapping her arms around him again.

She broke away and pranced to turn off the music. Edward's eyes raked over my body and I felt myself blush from his concentration. He gave me a smug smirk, but his eyes were anything but smug. When his eyes met mine they contradicted his grin showing what appeared to be sadness. I shook the wishful thinking out of my head when I realized I was still standing on the table. I climbed down and kept my gaze anywhere but Edward.

"Rose." He said with a smile.

"Edward" She responded curtly. The two used to get along great but after we dated Rose took sides and she was most definitely on my side.

"I think the guys are having a couple of beers in the garage." I mumbled for lack of anything better to say to him.

He nodded slowly and headed out to find them.

"Asshole" Rose said loudly. "Did he really have nothing to say to you? After all of this time, he couldn't work up a 'hey, how are you?' What a chicken shit." She rambled on.

"Rose, can we not do this tonight. Let's just have fun." Alice, always the peacemaker, said sadly.

"It's fine. I don't care. I'm kind of tired; I'm going to go crash in the guest room." I said before taking my glass to the kitchen and putting it in the dishwasher. They protested lightly but let me go on my way.

I walked into the beautifully decorated guest room and slid under the down comforter. Before I turned off the bedside lamp I studied the framed black and white photos that hung on the wall. I didn't need to be told that it was Edward who had shot the beautiful landscapes. He didn't take these types of pictures now, as far as I knew anyway. From what I'd heard from Alice Edward was now mainly a fashion photographer. He worked for high end magazines and elite designers. He spent his days photographing beautiful models that I couldn't compare to.

He was a talented photographer. I should know; I gave him his first camera.

**14 years ago**

"_Edward, I have a present for you but I'd rather give it to you when it's just the two of us." I whispered in his ear after he finished opening all of his other gifts. It was his twelfth birthday and we were all gathered at the Cullen's for a big party._

"_Okay, meet me in the tree house in a few minutes?" he grinned widely. I nodded my head and ran to pull his present from Alice's room where I had hid it. _

_As I climbed the ladder to the tree house my stomach was full of butterflies. I hoped he would like my present. Ever since he confided in me that he was sad that he didn't have any pictures of his real dad I started saving my money. I couldn't afford much. The camera was an old Polaroid that I had found at a garage sale with my mom. It wasn't anything special but it was the best I could do. I got to the top of the tree house and he was already there waiting impatiently. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. _

"_What'd you get me?" He asked excitedly._

"_It's nothing really nice, but I hope you'll like it." I whispered as I handed him the gift that I had sloppily wrapped. _

"_I'll like anything you get me Bella." He said before ripping into the paper. I bit my lip nervously as I waited for him to open the box. His face broke into a huge grin and his eyes went wide. _

"_Thank you, Bella! This is awesome!" I breathed a sigh of relief while he loaded the film and batteries. _

"_Well you know how you said…" I hesitated. I didn't want to bring up his parents today._

"_I know. Thank you." He whispered. Before I could protest he raised the camera and took a picture of me. _

"_Edward" I scowled. _

_He just laughed and waited for the image to appear on the paper. "Beautiful" he whispered, after a few minutes. _

"_Give it to me." I demanded. I did not like having my picture taken. _

"_Nope. This is mine." He laughed as he pushed it into his back pocket. _

"_Fine, happy birthday, Edward" I grumbled. _

"_Thank you Bella. This is the best present ever." He whispered leaning in toward me. I closed my eyes and leaned closer to him. My heart was pounding in my chest and I didn't know what I was supposed to do with my hands. Edward Cullen was going to kiss me. _

"_Eddie, C'mon so we can eat the cake now!" Emmett yelled up to the tree house causing us both to move away from each other and blush. I had really wanted him to kiss me; stupid Emmett. _

"_We should…uh…get down there." I mumbled. _

"_Yeah let's go." Edward said before climbing down the ladder. Once we were both on the ground Edward took my hand and we walked toward the house. _

_Before we entered he leaned in close to my ear. "Thank you for the present and for being my best friend."_

_I just smiled and tried suppress the crush I had on my best friend. _

I tossed and turned for a good while, over analyzing all the things that had gone on between Edward and me in the past. If I didn't know before I was convinced now; this would be the longest week of my life.

**A/N: SO...what do you think. Should I continue it? Reviewers get a teaser from the next chapter, which is an EPOV! So let me know what you think either and if you do review then feel free to tell me what your favorite or least favorite part of new moon was. Did anyone else have a problem with the volvo???  
**

**-Robin**


	2. Always Seventeen

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the delay, but here is chapter two, finally! Oh and guess what I got for Christmas?...An awesome Beta in the form of edwardrocksmysocks! A huge thank you to her for agreeing to edit this story and to all of you who read and reviewed the first chapter. Oh and Gabby, no worries, I don't write anything where E&B don't wind up together eventually.  
**

**S. Meyer owns all things Twilight. **

Chapter 2

Always Seventeen

The incessant ringing of my phone jarred me from my recurring dream and forced me into the world of consciousness. I fumbled, with closed eyes, to grab my phone and pressed the ignore button. It had to be before noon and whoever it was could wait.

I was almost back to sleep when I felt the bed shift and a small, clammy hand slide its way across my bare stomach.

"Shit," I groaned out loud.

Jane's high pitch voice shredded the silence making me relive the events of last night in a flash of drunken scenes.

"Do you want me to make you breakfast, Edward?"

Her hand moved lower down my stomach before I grasped her wrist and removed it. I rarely allow any woman to spend the night in my bed but I was beyond drunk last night and had passed out quickly after mine and Jane's late night activities.

"No, I'll grab a bite on my way out," I said coldly as I threw the blankets off of me and headed to the bathroom.

Jane should know the rules by now but apparently she didn't. We weren't dating. I didn't date.

I climbed into my shower and tried to wash off her scent, she always smelt entirely too sweet. It was fairly fitting of her personality actually; she always tried too hard.

When the bathroom door opened I groaned audibly.

"When were you going to tell me about this?" Jane asked.

I pulled back the shower curtain and focused through the fog to see her holding up the invitation to my brother Emmett's funeral.

"I wasn't."

I raked my fingers through my hair rubbing in the shampoo and waiting for her to leave.

I could almost hear her whining before it actually occurred.

"Well I'm going right? I mean who else are you going to take?"

"No, you're not going. Neither is anyone else." I said.

"Oh come on Eddie, it'll be fun and it's about time I met your parents."

Damn it all to hell. I did not want to have the same conversation regarding our 'relationship'.

I stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel Jane had crooked around her manicured finger.

"Jane, we've been over this. You are not my girlfriend. You knew what you were getting into from the beginning. I have never lied to you about what this is," I said firmly.

Jane and I had been sleeping together on and off for a few months. I was with her more often than any other girl but she was far from my only company. She was really beginning to wear on my nerves.

"Well I assumed by now you would be over your fear of commitment," she said in an annoyed tone.

I raked the towel through my hair roughly, my frustration growing with each passing second.

"I don't have a 'fear of commitment' Jane. I like my life how it is. I don't intend to be tied down to one woman."

I angrily tied the towel around my waist and tried to will her to disappear with my mind.

She stepped closer to me and smirked.

"We can bring other women into the bedroom, Eddie. You know I don't mind."

I fought back the scoff that threatened to emerge at her ploy. If I was ever going to lose all of my common sense and freedom to devote myself to one woman, it damn sure wouldn't be a woman like her. Everything about Jane screamed cheap and easy which is just great for the occasional fuck but not for the future Mrs. Cullen. Of course, none of this mattered anyway because there would never be another Mrs. Cullen. Well, except for Rosalie apparently.

There had only ever been one woman that I thought might wear my ring and she was the exact opposite of the women who I surrounded myself with now. I had, of course, been young and naïve both times I had allowed myself to fall for Bella Swan. I was wiser now and knew better than to set myself up for that kind of pain.

I was wrapped up in my own thoughts and forgot that Jane was waiting for me to speak. I cleared my throat to begin my routine, morning after, spiel. I should have given this speech to her a long time ago.

"Jane, you're an attractive woman, and-"

I was cut off as my bathroom door opened and Tanya walked in without looking up from her Blackberry.

"That's your queue, sweetheart. It's time for you to get your last season Prada bag and move along. Edward has work to do."

I rolled my eyes at Tanya's candor. Normally she was kind to the girls I brought around. Sometimes she would even buy them a drink, most likely to apologize for what she called my 'man-slut lifestyle' but she had never been fond of Jane.

Jane gave Tanya an evil glare that would have had a lesser woman writhing on the ground in inexplicable pain but not Tanya. She simply waved her hand in Jane's direction dismissively before turning her focus back to her Blackberry.

"Shoo, now."

"Listen, bitch," Jane barked.

That was crossing the line with me. You did not speak that way to Tanya. She was one of the few women who I trusted explicitly and, while I knew Tanya was more than capable of handling herself, I would not allow some waif of a model to speak that way to her in my home.

"Jane, I think you should go now and don't bother coming back," I said harshly.

Jane muttered something about me being an idiot before stomping her way out of my apartment like the petulant child she is reminding me, yet again, that I should probably be sleeping with women my own age, instead of the just legals.

"Really Edward, could you at least find a woman with half of a brain to stay over next time? This is getting old."

I smirked at her while I grabbed my toothbrush from its holder and squeezed a generous amount of toothpaste on it.

"Are you jealous, Tanya? You know you're more than welcome in my bed anytime," I teased.

Tanya rolled her eyes before telling me to meet her in the living room in thirty minutes.

She knew very well that I was kidding. We didn't have that type of relationship. Not that the woman wasn't hot, she was, but I valued her too much as my assistant and my friend to turn her in to one of my many one night stands. Plus she was in a long term relationship with Felix, one of my friends that I had introduced her to. They had been together for almost a year now. Whatever works for them I guess.

I couldn't see the point in tying myself down. There are too many sexy women in New York to bother with only one.

I quickly threw on a pair of overpriced jeans and a button up shirt to talk to Tanya and see what my day was going to consist of.

"Alright what does your magic phone say I'm doing today T?" I called out as I grabbed a bottle of water from my fridge.

Tanya pulled herself from the window lined wall of my Manhattan loft and began her daily ramblings.

"Today you have your final shoot for Vogue before you discuss your contract extension in a month. Apparently the model they're flying in from Italy is supposed to be the next big thing and beautiful beyond compare."

I scoffed.

"Doubt it."

Tanya looked up at me with a deliberate eye roll.

"Oh please. If you didn't think the models you shoot were beautiful then you wouldn't charm so many of them into your bed."

"T, how can I explain this? These models are sexy, pretty, even hot as hell, but I have yet to photograph a woman in my professional career that is beautiful," I defended.

"Holy hell, does Edward Cullen have standards after all? What would it take for you to consider a woman to be beautiful?"

She seemed genuinely curious and confused.

The image of beauty flashed before my mind's eye but I quickly suppressed it.

"It's not them. Moving on. What else do I have?"

"You have a meeting with the Versace people about setting up a time for you to do their fall line in the evening, but after that you're pretty much free. You do need to get yourself packed for your brother's wedding," she replied eyeing me as if daring me to contradict her.

"That's not happening," I said nonchalantly.

There were several reasons I wouldn't be going to Forks, only one of which was not wanting to witness the end of my brother's happiness.

Tanya set her Blackberry on the table and squared her shoulders before staring me down.

"Fine then I'll pack for you. I'll just have to Google the weather and throw something together," she huffed reaching for her damn phone, as if she didn't understand what I was telling her.

"You know what I meant T. I'm not going to his wedding."

She threw herself down dramatically on my couch and sank in to it.

"Will you please quit being the selfish ass you like to pretend you are? Be that sweet, small town boy that you keep buried under all that muscle and sweet talk."

I shook my head and started to tear apart her logic before she threw her hands up in frustration and tried a different tactic.

"Damn it, Edward! He's your brother, you have to go!"

"He's a guy, he's not going to get all that worked up about it."

I knew that was a lie. It would hurt Emmett but he would get over it as long as I helped him through the divorce once he had enough of his prison sentence.

"You're going. You know you are. Why else did you have me clear the next two weeks of your schedule?"

I smirked at her before popping her happy family time bubble.

"I'm taking my car and driving all the way to Vegas."

That was my plan. While my brother ended his life, I would be living mine to the fullest. It's somewhat ironic that he is the one who taught me the error of my ways before I graduated high school and now he wasn't practicing what he had preached.

"Whatever, you're going. I can't handle another phone call from Rosalie. I like her a lot but she's about to drive me insane.

"Then don't answer her calls or tell her to stop calling. I don't care what you do. Just understand that I am not going to Forks and that's final."

oOo

I'm not sure what happened. I was almost to Vegas when my plans changed. Now I was standing in my parent's driveway debating on going inside.

I didn't need to see an extra vehicle to know that she was on the other side of that wall. Of course she would be here to help Rose in any way she needed. Bella had never been able to tell a friend no when they requested her help.

I needed to think about something else or I would never open the door so I picked up my phone and quickly dialed Tanya's number.

"I'm going to need you to FedEx a suitcase full of clothes for me. You've got the key just throw some stuff together," I ordered curtly.

I could hear Tanya laughing at me through the phone.

"How's Forks?"

"Shut up. Send the stuff overnight if possible. You have the address," I snapped hanging up and forcing myself to turn the knob to my childhood home.

My ears were assaulted by the sounds of cheesy '90s pop before my eyes were able to take in the sight before me.

Bella was standing on my mother's coffee table in nothing but a tank top and tiny shorts. Her body rocked back and forth to the beat of the horrendous music while she sang loudly into a hair brush.

Alice and Rose were there too.

From the way her top clung to her toned back I could tell she wasn't wearing a bra.

Her firm ass bounced gently to the music as her long, bare legs begged my fingers to trail up them. I stood taking in the site of her body and long dark tresses before I cleared my throat to alert the girls to my presence.

I watched as her eyes scanned my body and her bottom lip pulled in between her teeth. I wondered if she even knew she did that. I grinned at her as her eyes made their way back up to mine. I still had an effect on her.

I was hugged and beaten by my baby sister but I only half registered it because my mind was on Bella's dancing form. I took in her body one last time knowing that I might not have a chance to see her in this little clothing again.

I watched as a blush rose from her chest to her cheeks when she realized I was watching her. I hoped it was more than embarrassment that caused her skin to color. Even in the short amount of time I had spent with it in its most natural form, I knew her body well. She was by far the most.….well, it didn't matter she wasn't mine anymore, if she ever really was to begin with.

I gave a simple greeting to Rose before going to meet the guys in the garage.

As soon as I stepped in to the fluorescent lighting of the garage Emmett's face broke into his huge signature grin. He pulled me into a manly hug and whispered a simple 'thank you' in my ear.

Jasper gave me a smile and a slap on the back before Emmett barreled into the living room to steal a bottle of tequila from the girls.

"I didn't think you'd show," Jasper admitted slowly with just the tiniest hint of a southern drawl from his parents influence.

"What and miss my brother's wedding?" I scoffed.

Jasper raised an eyebrow like he wasn't buying my particular brand of bullshit.

Before he could say anything Emmett was back with the bottle and three shot glasses. He lined them up and handed them out. We clinked the glasses together and let the alcohol burn our throats.

"So how's life in the big city?" Emmett said with a shoulder punch.

"Perfect. Great job, plenty of women, it's good," I boasted.

Jasper shook his head with a small smile.

"So any girl tamed you yet, little brother?" Emmett asked.

I laughed and shook my head.

"It's only the weaker members of the herd that get taken down. Isn't that right Em? Don't let a woman get close enough to break you."

"Dude, you're not still holding on to that load of crap are you. I was nineteen and just had my heart broken for the first time, c'mon," he laughed.

"Hey it's not my fault you let yourself get taken down. The way I see it, with you two out of the game, more for me."

"Whatever man," Jasper said with an eye roll.

"Don't you hate going home to bed alone every night? Don't you want that connection with another person?"

"Sorry Oprah, but I connect with women plenty. Only I don't have to deal with the drama that accompanies a relationship. I have the best of both worlds," I said trying to sound confident.

"Dude you're full of shit. Anyway, let's drink!"

And with that Emmett ended the roast of Edward Cullen. We stayed in the garage laughing about old times and giving each other hell.

I had forgotten how much I missed these two. I wasn't willing to give up my life in the city but I was already feeling, for the first time, that there was something in my life that was missing. I choked back that ugly realization and went on to entertain the guys with stories of New York and the women I had been with.

Our party was effectively ended when Rose came in the garage telling Emmett that she and Alice were going to bed. I watched in shame as two guys I had idolized ran off behind their women like sad little puppies. I downed the rest of my beer and headed upstairs to get some sleep.

As I walked down the long hallway I saw the door to the guestroom cracked open just a couple of inches. I knew better. I knew a hell of a lot better but my feet moved of their own accord and stopped me right at the door.

I argued with my body as my hand pressed itself quietly against the door and pushed just slightly. My eyes trained on the small bump nestled safely under the comforter. I inhaled deeply trying in vain to catch a hint of the still familiar scent.

Her hair was flowing freely across the pillow and a small strand was lying against her cheek taunting me, urging me to run my hand across her soft skin and brush it back. Her brow was crinkled as though she was working out a difficult math problem in her dream. Her lips puckered just slightly, and I ached to feel them soft and tight against my own, like I had so many times before.

With everything New York had to offer, it didn't have her, my Bella. I knew I needed to walk away. Thoughts of her would only lead to my own destruction. It went against everything I believed in to feel the way I did about her. It was strange that the woman who solidified my beliefs of staying unattached and free was the one woman who made me want to disregard them.

I jumped when I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder. Before I could turn and face the owner my father's voice broke through the silence.

"Don't, Edward" he said softly but seriously.

"Don't what dad?" I questioned defensively in a harsh whisper, while turning to look him in the eye.

"You know what. Don't. She hasn't been back here in so long and I don't want her leaving before this week is over because you hurt her again. It would kill your mother. She still has ideas of planning your wedding to Bella and, although that is no longer the case, Bella is still a daughter to her. I won't have you upsetting your mother."

"Dad, I didn't…I won't…I never intended to…" I looked down at the ground and stared at my feet like a child who had been scolded for something they knew they did wrong.

"I know son, but you ended things with her, for whatever reason you had at the time. I don't pretend to know everything about your relationship with Bella. All I do know is that you broke a part of her and I won't have her subjected to anymore pain, especially while under my roof. This is not a request Edward. If I see her shed another tear because of you this week…..well, let's just say that Emmett will not be first in line to kick your ass."

I wanted to argue with him about several different points but the shock of his language and threat threw me off guard.

"Yes sir," I mumbled pathetically.

Carlisle took a deep breath and pulled me into a tight hug.

"It's good to have you home son," he whispered.

I felt myself regress in age as I hugged him back. I had always been close to my dad, even if he wasn't my biological father. Something about Carlisle's presence always put me at ease, even if only for a few minutes.

"It's good to be home dad."

I wasn't sure if that was the truth or not.

Something about being back here scared the hell out of me. In New York I was Edward Cullen. I had it together and had it all. In Forks I was simply Edward. The problem was, I wasn't quite sure I remembered who that was anymore, and what I did remember I wasn't fond of.

After Dad went back to bed I took one last look in Bella's room. I heard her mumble something about margaritas and evil Alice. I smiled to myself. She was still the same girl that I had……well it didn't matter now, I gave her up. It was for the best.

oOo

I awoke a few hours later at the ungodly hour of six a.m. It took me a few minutes to realize where I was. As soon as realization hit I groaned loudly.

I thought back to the events of yesterday and last night. I didn't want to leave my room and face Bella or my family.

Against my better judgment I got up and threw on a pair of sweatpants and a wife beater that were left here when I moved out. Hopefully my clothes would arrive before this evening.

Being back home made me feel like the prodigal son. Another thing about New York was that I never felt guilt there. Yet, as I stumbled downstairs and my mom ran toward me with tears in her eyes, I was assaulted by it.

"I'm so glad you're here. I've missed you so much," she cried against my chest.

"Easy mom, you're going to crack one of my ribs," I laughed trying to lighten the mood.

She reluctantly pulled away and sniffled.

"Do you want coffee?"

"Of course." I smiled.

A few minutes later I was sitting at the island with my mom downing my second cup of black coffee like it was essential to my existence. Mom sat next to me and spoke about the latest charity she was involved in and the next vacation her and Dad were planning on taking. It seemed as soon as we were all out of the house they made it their goal to see the world.

"So has Rose asked you to photograph the wedding yet?" She asked.

"I don't do weddings," I said seriously.

"Honey, its Emmett's wedding. Can't you do it just this once?" She begged. Normally it was hard to resist her pleadings but this was something I held firmly to.

"I don't do weddings, besides I'm already the best man. Shouldn't I be standing next to Emmett?" I said trying to placate her.

"Well, I guess you're right. I'm sure we can find someone else in time."

With that final remark Esme Cullen was redirected.

I knew what was coming when my mother sat her coffee cup down and raised an eyebrow at me.

"So…is there a special girl in New York that I should be meeting soon, Edward?"

"No mom, there's nobody yet," or ever, I added silently.

"Well maybe New York just doesn't have the type of girl you need," she said smiling.

Before I could break her heart and tell her once again that I had no desire to settle down, Bella came into the kitchen yawning. Once she looked up and saw me she smiled weakly and tugged her robe tighter around her slender waist.

"Morning," she mumbled as she made her way to the coffee pot.

"Sleep well?" I asked, trying my damndest to be polite.

She turned and looked at me like I had lost my mind.

"Um…yeah…you?"

"Sure, I guess." I shrugged.

The room fell into an awkward silence. We both seemed to be trying to figure out our next move. My mom stood at the sink scrubbing the same dish repeatedly. She would look back and forth between Bella and me then back at the overly clean cup in her hands.

I had to say something to break this silence before I snapped.

"Did you know you still talk in your sleep?" I laughed nervously.

As soon as the words left my mouth Bella's face turned an angry shade of red and her eyes squinted in rage. I watched in confusion as her knuckles tightened around her coffee cup before she threw it in the sink, somehow managing not to break it. She took in a strong pull of air through her nose before turning toward my Mom.

"Esme I'm going for a run. Thank you for the coffee," she muttered politely before stomping her way upstairs with one of the angriest expressions I have ever seen on a woman.

I looked at my Mom for answers as she shook her head and sighed exasperatedly. I would find no help from her.

"Edward, Edward, Edward," she mumbled as she left me alone in the kitchen.

Sure, why not trap yourself in a house with your ex for a week, sounds like fun. This was going to be a week from hell.

**A/N: Okay so things will start to get interesting with the next chapter. Reviewers get a teaser, and I promise you'll get them sooner rather than later this time around. **

**Now go on review, and tell me how much you dislike Edward...go ahead, I can take it...I think ; )**


	3. Better as a Memory

**A/N: Hello again. I hope everyone had a happy holiday! I want to say a big thank you to everyone who has put this story on their alert or favorites list, also a huge thank you to those who take the time to review! You make me smile! **

**A giant thanks to Edwardrocksmysocks for beta'ing this chapter and getting it back to me so quickly! You're awesome! **

**S. Meyer owns Twilight. **

Chapter 3

Better as a Memory

"How dare he!" I mumbled to myself angrily as I tied my shoes.

I stomped down the stairs and walked straight out the front door, not chancing a look toward the kitchen.

I didn't waste time stretching or warming up as I hit the end of the long drive I was in a full run. The sound of my feet slapping the wet pavement pushed me forward. I had to escape the house. I knew coming here would be a bad idea but what choice did I have? Rose was my oldest friend.

I knew some of my anger at his observation of my sleeping habits might have been unjustified but the fact that he could reference our past with such simplicity and ease pissed me off. When we had lived together during college Edward would sometimes hold me and watch me sleep. He always laughed about how entertaining my unconscious conversations were. He didn't have that right anymore. To tease me about something like that wasn't generally a big deal but the fact that he thought we could fall back into our old banter was a ridiculous notion that sent me into a fit of rage.

"Asshole!" I yelled into the crisp air. I pushed myself harder; relishing in the burning sensation that plagued my lungs. As I lost myself in the road my mind drifted back to the day everything fell apart.

_**3 years ago**_

It was a sunny Friday morning in August as I danced around mine and Edward's one bedroom apartment. I was trying to do some last minute cleaning before I had to go and meet Rose.

My cell phone rang and I answered with a smile on my face.

"Hey Esme, how are you?"

"Oh I'm doing great, dear. I wanted to know if we could set up a time for you and Edward to come down soon. Carlisle and I haven't seen the two of you in almost a month."  
I rolled my eyes but smiled at Esme's little guilt trip. I really did miss them.

"I know Esme, let me look at my calendar," I laughed as she gave an Alice like sequel.  
As I pulled my planner out of my purse, Edward came out of the kitchen wearing a pair of low hanging pajama pants and a sleepy smile.

He shot me a questioning look and glanced at the phone.

'Your mom' I mouthed and he nodded as he moved to fix a cup of coffee. I got distracted as I watched his torso flex and stretch as he reached for a mug. He caught my stare and gave me a wink as he filled his cup.

"Bella…Bella?"

"Sorry, Es," I said as Edward chuckled.

I flipped my planner to the current month and looked at my options. "How about… not this weekend but the next?"  
I raised my eyebrows at Edward and he nodded with a smile.

"That should work. What do you have going on this weekend?" She asked curiously.

"Edward is taking me out on a date," I said with a smile.  
We had been so busy lately that we hadn't had much time alone. I was actually excited for whatever he was planning.

"Oh my, he's doing that this weekend?" She said sounding overly excited.

"Um, yes…" I replied awkwardly, not sure what to say to that.

"Alright, well be sure you have him call me, you know soon. I have to go dear. Love you," she replied sounding as if she was tearing up.

"Love you too," I got out right before she hung up.

"Your mother's on crack." I told Edward as I finished wiping down the counters.  
His hands wrapped around my waist from behind.

"I'm sure it's nothing. Although, if she is on something then we could have her committed," he said as he laughed.

He leaned down and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Are you going to buy your dress today?" He asked.

I sighed heavily before answering.  
"Yes, although I don't see the purpose of it. I could just wear one of my old dresses. It's just a date, and we've been together for nearly two years; it's not like I have to make a good first impression. The money could be better put to use in our savings account."

Edward's hands trailed up and down my arms as he placed soft kisses behind my ear and down my neck.

"Nonsense, my beautiful, stubborn, Bella. Please just go and pick out something new for yourself. Get something you will feel beautiful in and preferably something that can be easily removed," he said against my skin.

Needless to say I ended up running late to meet Rosalie for our pre-shopping lunch.

I arrived at the restaurant only a few minutes late and was prepared to get an ear full from Rose but she hadn't arrived yet. As the host led me to a booth I heard a squawk of a laugh that I hadn't heard in over a year.

I followed the sound and sure enough there sat one of Edward's biggest mistakes. Victoria and Edward had dated for six months while we were in high school which, at the age of seventeen, seemed like forever. None of us liked her but Edward was convinced he was in love so we all put up with the ginger until she became bored of Edward and simply dumped him without an explanation. Edward dated a ton of girls after her but none lasted more than a week until we became an 'us' our senior year.

I swiftly averted my gaze as I saw her look up from her conversation and pulled out my phone quickly to call Rose.

I started talking as soon as she answered her phone.

"Ro, where the hell are you? I'm at the restaurant and guess who is sitting not twenty feet from me. Victoria Jones; you remember her right? God you have to get over here before she speaks to me," I whispered urgently into the phone.

"Bella, I'm sorry I'm not going to make it," Rose sniffed. Rose never cried, ever. I was instantly worried and started grabbing my purse.

"Rose, where are you? What happened?" I asked as I stood up to leave.

"I'm on my way to Forks, to my mom's house," she said trying to hide her sobs.  
"Emmett and I broke up."  
With that declaration I fell back into the booth with my mouth hanging open.

"What do you mean you broke up?" I asked feeling like everything was crumbling. Those two were great together. This didn't make any sense. I was already trying to picture how parties and holidays were supposed to function without the two of them as a unit. She was my best friend but Emmett was Edward's brother. How would things work?

"I don't know; it was stupid. We got into an argument over something dumb and the next thing I know we're yelling and I'm walking out the door," she sighed into the phone.

"Okay well I'm sure we can fix this. Do you want me to come to Forks this weekend?" I asked.

"No, don't worry about it. Shit Bella, I'm sorry you really don't need to be dealing with my crap this weekend. You've got your deal with Edward tomorrow and…"

"Hey we can go out anytime. If you need me I'll be there," I said seriously.

"No, no really. I'll be fine. I'm sorry to blow you off. I'll call you this weekend," she said trying to sound strong.

"Okay well call me if you need anything," I said reluctantly. I really felt like I should be with her right now.

We hung up and as soon as I closed my phone it was ringing again. It was Jake. Jake and I had grown up spending a lot of time together since our dad's were best friend. We had only dated for a short while in high school before I decided we were better off as friends. Edward had always been convinced Jake still had feelings for me.

"Hey you," I said with a smile. I was grateful for the distraction from Rose and Emmett's break up.

"Hey Bells, what are you up to?" He asked sounding as jovial as always.

"Not much. You?"

"Well I'm in Seattle for the day and wondered if you were free for lunch."

I smiled widely. I hadn't seen Jake in months.  
"Actually my schedule just opened up."

Jake arrived at the restaurant about thirty minutes later. It was so good to see him. We caught up for over an hour, laughing and talking about how our lives had been since we last saw one another before I remembered I had to go shopping. I quickly said goodbye to Jake and went on my way, promising to stop and see him when I came to Forks in a couple weeks.

After trying on several dresses, I finally found the perfect one and headed back to the apartment. When I arrived Edward was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

I assumed he was just tired and went to sit next to him. He looked up at me and his eyes were full of anguish.  
"How was your day?" He asked a bit too harshly.

"Um… fine. I found a dress. Do you want to see it?" I asked trying not to sound timid.

"Anything happen you need to tell me about?" He said coldly; completely ignoring my question.

I looked at him questioningly as he stood up and started pacing.

"No, not really. Oh did you talk to Emmett? I can't believe him and Rose are separated. I'm sure they'll work it out though. They're perfect for one another."  
It made sense now why he was upset. I hadn't really considered he would take the news this poorly but I could understand why he would react that way.

"How is Jacob?" He spat.

"What?" I asked caught off guard.

"Were you going to tell me you met with Jacob today or did you not feel it was important?" He said as he dragged his fingers roughly through his hair.

I simply stared at him at a loss for words. Was he really upset about one innocent lunch?

"Were you going to tell me?" he demanded loudly.

"Yes, maybe, probably… I don't know. I wasn't keeping it from you. I just didn't think it was a big deal," I yelled finally finding my voice.  
This was ridiculous. Edward had always been over protective, but this was downright controlling.

He scoffed loudly.  
"The woman I'm going to m…My girlfriend is having lunch dates with other men, men who have a thing for her, and not telling me about it? You're right Bella, no big deal."

"It wasn't like that and you know it. It wasn't a date," I said angrily.

"How often have you been meeting with him?" His voice broke on the last word and I almost felt sorry for him.

"It was only once. I swear. There is nothing for you to worry about."  
I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him tightly to me. I knew I shouldn't be the one trying to comfort him but the look in his eyes was so broken that I had to.

I pressed my lips firmly to his and he went rigid beneath my touch. I tried to ignore it and kept kissing him. After a minute he parted his lips and I kissed him with as much passion as I could muster.

His hands gripped the back of my shirt roughly and pressed me hard against him. My hands moved to his hair and I ran my nails along his scalp. He moaned deeply as he grabbed me by the ass and lifted me up.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and moaned at the pressure of his cock pressing into me. Without breaking our kiss, he carried me into our room and laid us down on our bed.

He hovered above me and my hands frantically worked to unbutton his shirt. After I had it off I placed hungry kisses all over his chest. He pulled my top off in one fluid motion and proceeded to throw my bra across the room. With our fight earlier I was prepared for rough, needy, sex but Edward was slow and gentle.

His hands roamed every inch of my chest with precision and care. His lips worshiped every inch of my exposed skin before he removed my pants. He moved lower and began trailing soft kisses over my thighs before finally reaching my center. His tongue moved over my clit repeatedly causing me to scream out his name.

His fingers plunged inside of me moving slowly gently pushing me to the brink of ecstasy. He sped up his movements with his hands and brought his lips to my breast, kissing it gently while I reached my breaking point. I gripped his toned biceps as I fell over the edge calling his name.

Before I had time to come down from the high Edward plunged into me in one fluid movement. I gasped at the sensation of being filled so completely by him. He kissed me with more passion than I had ever known as he rocked our bodies together. He didn't speak or look in my eyes as he thrusted in and out. His gaze stayed locked on my body as he pushed me closer and closer to my second orgasm.

His eyes remained down until we came together and then he kept them locked on my face watching me intently. After we both regained our breath, Edward rolled of off me and laid down on his back staring at the ceiling.

I wanted to cry but I wasn't sure why. That had been different. It wasn't us, wasn't Edward. Sex with Edward was always vocal and fun. This had been serious and foreign. I tried to shake off the feeling of something being wrong and snuggled up into Edward's side. He hesitated for a moment before pulling me tightly against him.

I pushed away all my worries and drifted off to sleep. Right before I slipped into my dreams I felt Edward's lips press into my forehead and something wet fall onto my face.

I awoke to an empty bed and instantly feared the worst. I scrambled out of bed throwing my robe around me as I walked into the living room. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Edward sitting at the kitchen table. My relief was short lived when I saw the suitcases sitting near his chair.

"Are you going somewhere?" I laughed nervously trying to stay calm.

"I decided to take the job in New York," Edward replied without looking up from the table.

I felt my stomach drop at his words.  
"But..but.. I thought we agreed that now wasn't the right time…I mean I still have school to finish," I stammered.

He looked up at me for just a second.

"Oh, you mean you're going alone?" I choked on the last word as the room started to spin.  
I sat down at the table because I no longer had the ability to stand.

I tried to pull myself together as I felt my world falling to pieces around me.  
"Okay, well I don't have much longer left until I graduate. We can make the long distance  
thing-"

"Bella," Edward cut me off.

"This isn't the life I want," he said without emotion.  
"I'm sorry I let it go this far, but I don't want this."

I felt physical pain from his words as I choked back the sob that was fighting valiantly to emerge.

"You don't want me?"

"I'm sorry Isabella."  
Edward stood up and I looked at his eyes. They sealed the door for me. His eyes were blocked with a cold detachment; the same detachment that I had seen when he spoke of his biological parents, the same detachment that had been present when Victoria broke him as a teenager. Seeing that look in his eyes verified that no matter what I did or said I had already lost.

"If that's what you want," I mumbled brokenly.

He leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead before walking out of my life.

oOo

I felt an angry tear fall down my cheek as I forced away the painful memory. I tried to redirect my anger to Edward's actions this morning but I knew the two were linked.

I think, if I was being truthful with myself, what really bothered me was that he acted like this was so easy for him. He seemed completely untroubled by the fact that we were going to be under the same roof. If he ever truly loved me shouldn't this be at least somewhat difficult for him?

Maybe it shouldn't bother him. After all he was the one who walked out on me after almost a year of living together.

I was also embarrassed. There was no telling what he could have heard me say last night. It could have been anything...wait… how in the hell?

How did he know I still I talked in my sleep? He had to have come into my room last night.

With even more anger than I had left the house with, I turned quickly and headed back. My heart was pumping hard enough for me to feel it in my cheeks as I pushed myself harder down the road.

It was only the first full day here and I was already about to rip Edward Cullen a new one. I was tired of putting up with his crap. I didn't say everything I wanted to say the day he left me over his own bullshit hang ups but I was going to speak my mind now. He would not mess with me again.

By the time I reached the house my adrenaline was peaked. I took notice, as I sprinted up the driveway, that the only vehicle still here was Edward's bike. I smirked to myself as I burst through the door.

I didn't have to search long to find Edward. I saw him sitting at the island where he had been earlier, with his back turned toward me. I hustled through the kitchen in a fog of anger. It was as if all the hurt that I had felt over the past three years wanted to spill out of me only it was no longer sadness but pure rage.

I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around on the swivel stool to face me. His eyes looked panicked for a moment as he took in my appearance.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Be quiet and listen Edward," I ground out.  
I held a finger up to silence him while my other hand dug into my hip.

He looked at me strangely but didn't try to speak.

"Look, for the duration of the stay you will not speak to me unless it is necessary. We will act like adults and get through this for the sake of our friends. I will treat you with the respect that you don't deserve and I expect the same in return. Once this week is over I can go back to pretending you don't exist and you can go back to the life that you want," I said harshly throwing his words from our past back at him.

"Bella, I…"

"No, I'm talking. I don't want to catch you checking me out again. You gave up any and all rights to look at me like that when you walked out on us and you will not sneak into my room again," I said while trying to breathe with him in such close proximity.

"Do you understand me?" I said my voice faltering as his chest pressed against mine.

"Edward," I warned when I saw his face twist into a smirk.

Before I had time to process it his hand wrapped around the back of my neck and his lips were pressed roughly against mine. For a second my mind left me and I was eighteen again. Even after three years his lips felt familiar. His tongue brushed across my lips and I quickly opened my mouth granting him entrance. As he deepened our kiss I felt my entire body respond. My hands ran through his bronze hair as his caressed my sides.

He moaned into my mouth and that was all it took to pull me back to the present.

I shoved him off of me roughly causing his back to slam into the island.

"Damn it, Edward!" I yelled, before storming off for the second time today.

He was so infuriating. I really wanted to run back downstairs and slap him but I tried to convince myself that I had a little more class than that. As much as I hated to admit it, I had kissed him back. Shit, this was not good.

As I threw myself down on the bed I wondered when the hell the Cullen's house had gotten so small?

I was throwing myself one heck of a pity party when my cell phone rang.

I groaned as I got up to retrieve it and sighed deeply when I saw it was Jake. Apparently his Edward senses were tingling.

"Hey Jake" I answered, trying to sound happy.

"Hey honey, you never called to let me know you made it. For all I knew your plane could have crashed into a mountain in Utah," he chided.

"Yeah I should be so lucky," I mumbled.

"Is it really that bad?" He questioned sincerely.

"Yeah, I don't know how to explain it. It's awkward and I really want to cause him physical pain right now," I said while flopping down on my back on the guest bed. I was definitely not going to tell him about the kiss or Edward watching me sleep.

I heard him chuckle darkly.  
"I could help you with that."

I sighed deeply. I should have known he would go there. They had never gotten along and he especially hated Edward because of how things ended between us.

"That won't be necessary, besides you're in California now, there's not a lot you could do from there anyway." I laughed trying to diffuse the tension he was emitting through the phone.

"I've been meaning to come and visit with my dad, now would be the right time to use a few vacation days."

I bolted upright in bed. There was no way he could come here. Things were already dramatic enough between Edward and me.

"No, really there's no need to do that. I'll be fine. It's no big deal," I rushed.

"Do you still love him?" he asked quietly.

"No, I don't even know who he is anymore," I answered with the best answer I knew to give.  
A part of me would always love him and I hated that part, immensely.

"Well, I think it's about time I saw you again, Bells. Let me see what I can get worked out and figure out when I can head your way," he said in a rush before hanging up.

"Damn it!" I cursed loudly. This was not going to be good.

I buried my face into a pillow to muffle my aggravated yell.

"The down pillows work better for screaming into, darlin'."

I was startled by the smooth voice but kept my face buried. I felt the bed sink under his weight and his hand rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"You want me to plant my foot in his ass, sweetheart?" He asked in a soothing tone.

I laughed despite myself.  
"I would prefer two feet, Jazz."

He chuckled as he turned my head to face him.

"All you have to do is say the word. That boy needs a swift kick in the ass." He smiled.  
I suddenly felt guilty for having all of our friends thrown in the middle of our problems.

"He's your friend, Jasper. You don't have to hate him just because I do."

"I don't hate him Bella and neither do you. Just because I don't hate him doesn't mean that I can't think he doesn't have the good sense God gave horses."

"When did shit get so screwed up? We were all supposed to be together. Me and Edward, you and Alice, and Rosalie and Emmett. Everyone was supposed to grow up together, get married, and raise our children together. Was that unrealistic? Was it naïve?"

"No," he said seriously.

"Then why didn't our story have the happy ending that everyone else got?"

I wasn't sure where all this was coming from. I hadn't really thought that much about mine and Edward's relationship over the past year.

"Who says your story is over?" he questioned quietly.

"Oh it's over Jasper, trust me. Whatever me and Edward had is way past over."

"Well I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, darlin'. Now come on, Alice still isn't back from shopping with Rose and Edward took off on his bike. I need to brush up on my Xbox skills before Emmett gets home."

I laughed as I got up and Jasper and I headed downstairs. It was nice to know that I still had people in my corner who would be there for me no matter what.

**A/N: Okay so there we have it. A bit of what happened between or E and B. We still have yet to find out Edward's POV, and as you all know, there are always two sides to every story! I hope everyone has an awesome and safe New Years!  
**

**Reviewers get teasers! So hit the button to get a sneak peak into Edward's mind!  
**


	4. Better than Me

**A/N: Thank you to all of you who reviewed! I laughed my butt off at how many words you all added to -ward for Edward. **

**Well here is the look inside his head that you were promised. Be warned; poor guy is messed up and in some serious denial. Hope you enjoy this. **

**Oh and all these chapters are named after song titles. I'll post the song and artist on my profile if anyone is interested. I make no apologies for the bad language in this chapter. Edward has a dirty mouth and this story is rated M so he gets away with it. : )  
**

**A huge thanks to my amazing Beta, Edwardrocksmysocks, for being awesome enough to get this chapter back to me in only a couple of hours! You rock, girl!**

**S. Meyer owns Twilight...shocker, right?**

Chapter 4

Better than Me

One monstrously bad idea; that about sums up my decision to come to Forks. The wind and the feel of the road beneath my tires was doing nothing to alleviate my stress as it usually does. I knew coming out here would be a gigantic mistake and yet somehow here I was.

I kissed her, and that would be my downfall.

I don't know what the hell came over me. She was just standing there, looking stunning in her disarray. Her skin was glowing from the effort of her run and her face was flushed with intensity.

She was so fierce and I couldn't remember a time since I'd known her that I had seen her speak that way to anyone. It was hot.

The moment my lips met hers I knew it was a mistake but, God help me, I couldn't stop.

I know she was upset by my actions but there was no way she could be more pissed at me than I am at myself. I mean how masochistic am I?

I had spent years perfecting the wall that was necessary to survive this life. Yet one look in those damn brown eyes and I could feel it all start to tumble down.

I wasn't delusional enough to believe I wasn't jaded. I knew damn good and well how jaded I was but it wasn't without reason; I had plenty of reasons.

There was a time in my life when I felt like I could trust women, well one woman, with my heart.

I was a damned fool and I learned the hard way that I was wrong. I had to look after myself and allowing someone to cause me that sort of pain was not an option, not anymore.

The year that I lived with Bella had been one of the happiest times of my life; in the same sense that your childhood is happy, you don't know any better. I had forced myself into a delusional existence that couldn't stand against the force of reality.

The day before I planned to propose to Bella was absolute hell on Earth. The day had begun with promise and ended with goodbye.

As soon as Bella had left to meet with Rose I got to work. I wanted to spend the entire day with her the following day so I needed to get everything together. I wanted to create a perfect day for Bella from start to finish, so I had a lot of work to do.

Everything had started off decent enough. I headed to the grocery store to grab a few things to make my mother's homemade cinnamon rolls that Bella loved for breakfast. My elaborate plan for a romantic day would begin with breakfast in bed.

After that, I made a quick run to the bookstore to pick up the new book she had been wanting to read. I had also planned on us spending that following afternoon cuddled up on our couch reading and just enjoying being near each other.

I had big plans for the evening when I would actually ask her to be my wife but I wanted to give Bella, not only a memorable night, but a day that she would always cherish.

I should have went home right after I stopped at the bookstore but I didn't.

Instead I went to a liquor store down the street to pick up an expensive bottle of champagne that we could hopefully use to celebrate after she accepted my proposal. I soon discovered, however, that I had inadvertently started the downfall of all my well thought out plans by this one choice.

I moved quickly through the store eager to get home so I could stash everything I had bought today. Without looking up I sat my bottle at the register and reached into my wallet to pull out my debit card. I heard the cashier speak and my heart stopped.

I don't know how I remembered her voice. It had been years since I had heard it but the second she spoke I knew it was my mother.

My eyes darted up quickly and I broke into a cold sweat. I waited for her to say something, but she didn't. I waited for the eyes that looked just like mine to show a hint of recognition but I saw nothing. She repeated the total and I numbly handed her my card.

I'm not sure if any words escaped me or how long it took me to walk out of the store. My mind was blurred with the realization that my own mother truly could care less.

I had known that already, but somewhere deep down I had worked out a narrative in which she would see me again,recognize me, apologize for her mistakes and beg for me to understand why she did what she did.

I had no intention of welcoming her back into my life no matter what the outcome but I at least deserved for her to recognize me. I had lived with her until I was eight for God's sake. To say I was rattled would have been the understatement of the year. I didn't know that I still felt any sense of abandonment until I saw her today. Now I felt it as strongly as I did the day she dropped me off.

I retreated as quickly as possible from the liquor store and headed down the street to place a to-go order at a local café that Bella and I enjoyed. I remember hoping so badly that she would be done with Rose soon. I hated the weakness that was overtaking me but I needed her so badly. I just needed to feel her in my arms and know that everything would be okay.

As I made my way into the restaurant I heard a familiar laugh that made my heart soar. My eyes scanned the room eagerly looking for Bella. I had no idea they would be eating here but I was glad they were so I could steal a second of her time. I knew Rose wouldn't be happy if I interrupted their girl time but I just needed to be near her if only for a second believing just that brief encounter would make my world alright again.

Damn, I was pathetic back then. I had put all my happiness on her and it wasn't fair to either of us.

My heart broke when I saw her sitting so carefree in the booth with Jacob Black. It felt like everything I had known and put my trust in crumbled at my feet. I had to walk away right then. If I stayed there for a second longer then I would have surely beat the mongrel to a pulp.

I ran quickly to the door, barely making it outside before I spilled the contents of my stomach onto the sidewalk. A million questions raced through my mind as I leaned against the brick building trying to pull myself together.

Surely there was a logical explanation. It couldn't have been what I thought it was. Bella wouldn't betray me like that.

But why would she lie?

She didn't tell me she was going to meet him. I wouldn't have been happy about it but I would have dealt with it.

Why would she lie?

A plethora of emotions coursed through my body as I threw myself in the car without my to-go order and drove to the one person I knew could help me.

I arrived at Emmett's small rental house in record time. I banged on his door repeatedly and, after five minutes of him not answering, I walked in.

Emmett was lying on the couch with a glass of brown liquid in his hand. The room was silent as I walked toward him. I knew something was really wrong. Emmett never drank this early.

"When someone doesn't answer the door it means go the fuck away."

I stalled at his words. I had never heard Emmett sound so angry or broken in my life. He was always so jovial and carefree. Whatever was bothering him seemed to have broken him down to someone else all together.

I walked toward the couch and threw his legs off the end earning a growl from him. I picked up the bottle of Jack Daniels on the coffee table and took a long pull from it. It was too early for Emmett to be drinking but I had just been rejected by my mother for a second time and witnessed my love having lunch with another man. Time didn't seem to matter.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked confused.

He huffed and refilled his glass.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit," I replied.

"Rose left," he answered gruffly.

"What do you mean she left?"

I didn't understand what the hell he was saying.

He sat up completely and threw his hands in the air in frustration.

"What part doesn't make sense Edward? We had had a fight and she left me; end of story," he slurred.

For the third time that day I realized I didn't know shit.

Rosalie and Emmett had always been a constant thing. Sure they bickered way too damn much but they were one of the few things I knew was a constant.

The sun would come up in the morning, Captain Crunch would scrape the roof of my mouth raw, and Rose and Emmett would always be together.

"Shit…" I mumbled eloquently.

"Tell me about it. Fucking stupid… Do you remember what I told you when Victoria left your ass? Don't let them close enough to break you 'cus they'll do it every damn time. Looks like I should have taken my own damn advice, huh little brother?" He laughed without a trace of humor.

I didn't know how to respond. I didn't understand how this day had gone to hell so quickly.

I sat there in silence feeling the ring I had been carrying around for a week weighing heavily in my pocket. Emmett looked at me for a second and shook his head.

"Damn dude. You know what? Don't listen to me. I'm sure Bella would never do anything like this to you. I just don't know what to do," he rambled.

As bad as it sounds, I was in no condition to offer my brother any form of encouragement or comfort and clearly he wasn't able to offer me any.

I left his house without telling him anything about my day and headed home with his words still ringing in my head.

It wasn't the first time he'd warned me about getting in too deep with a woman but that was before he and Rose got over their hang ups and got together.

Was anything ever permanent? Despite my mother leaving me and then Victoria, I had somehow managed to get my shit together and realized that Bella was who I was meant to be with.

However, after everything that happened that day I questioned it all.

I was already completely lost in my head by the time Bella arrived home. She didn't mention Jacob at first and that set me off. I spoke to her more harshly than I ever had before.

She told me there was nothing going on between Jacob and how I acted toward her then I still, to this day, believe that she told me the truth.

She might think that I left because I thought she was unfaithful but she would be wrong.

I left her because I had given her everything I had and with that, the power to destroy me.

I had allowed myself to become weak and dependent and I should have known better. Even though she hadn't done anything that day to truly betray me, she would have eventually.

One morning she would wake up and realize she didn't want me, that she could do better. I knew if I didn't get out now there was no way in hell I would survive that.

I had loved both my mother and even Victoria in some way, yet both of them walked out on me without so much as batting a fucking eye.

As much as those losses had hurt, I knew Bella leaving me would devastating beyond anything I had experienced and I couldn't risk that type of pain.

Yet, here I was three years later already setting myself up for imminent pain. The kiss was a very bad idea. Even without that I knew I would still be pulled to her call, like a siren luring me to a painful fate against a rocky shore.

I couldn't let her get to me anymore. This was it. I left her for a reason and I wasn't going back on that now.

Hell it was probably the smartest move I had ever made.

My only regrets were allowing myself to be as attached to her as I had been and for the look in her eyes when I told her we were over.

Well that wasn't really my only regret. I also regret sleeping with her before I left her.

Even I know that was an asshole move, but I couldn't help it. I needed to feel her one last time. I needed that connection; something to hold on to once I let her go forever. Yeah I was definitely pathetic then.

I might have second guessed my worries about Bella leaving me one day if she had actually put up even a bit of a fight to keep me from leaving. I expected her to do something. She could have yelled or tried to get me to change my mind, anything to show me that she was actually invested in us.

The fact that she took it so passively was only further proof that I had been right and she would have eventually deserted me just like those before her.

I pulled back hard on the gas to let the sounds of the road suppress my inner ramblings. I drove past familiar sights and gunned it a little more when I realized that each of the old, run down places in this town possessed some memory of us.

I decided that I was done letting her get to me. She was just a woman, I knew plenty of women. I didn't need this. In a week's time, if not sooner, I would be back in New York where shit made sense and I would no longer have to worry about a weak childhood infatuation biting me in the ass. From now on I was simply going to practice avoidance. I would be around her as little as possible and anxiously await my departure.

My ride was interrupted by my phone vibrating in my pocket. I never took a phone on rides. The best part about being on a bike was being away from reality and being unreachable. I guess, in my haste to get the hell out of that house, I had forgotten to leave it behind.

After a couple seconds of debate, I finally pulled my bike over to the side of the road and checked my missed call.

I didn't want to call the number back when I read the screen but I ripped my helmet off of my head and hit talk.

"What Rose?" I said a little too harshly.

"Because I'm in a hurry, I'm going to let your tone slide for now. I need you go to Port Angeles for me."

I sighed loudly but figured it would give me more time on my bike.

"Fine, I'm out riding now so I'll head that way. Where am I going?"

She huffed loudly before answering. I could almost hear her rolling her eyes at me.

"First you're going back to your parent's house to pick up Bella because I need her to go to the dress shop for her final fitting."

Hell no, my brain screamed.

"Sorry Rose, I have no desire to watch Bella try on dresses, she's on her own."

"First of all, yes you do. Second of all, I don't care about you being with her. I just need her to have a vehicle to get here. So would you rather her drive your Harley or take your Vanquish that's in your parent's garage."

Her smug tone seeped through the phone.

She knew she had me. I didn't let anyone drive the Vanquish and Bella couldn't drive the motorcycle even if I wanted her to.

"Well I know you and Emmett are busy but can't mom or Alice take her?" I asked hopefully.

"Nice try, Carlisle and Esme have work and Alice and Jasper are supposed to meet up with his parent's this afternoon. Some people do care about seeing their families every once in a while Edward," she replied with fake cheer.

I ground my teeth together and took a deep breath to calm myself.

"Rose I really don't need a lecture right now and I really don't want to take Bella all the way to Port Angeles," I said with a tight jaw.

"And I really don't give a shit. Have Bella at the shop on Fifth and Pine as soon as possible," she demanded before she hung up on me giving me no chance to argue any further.

"Damn it," I yelled as I put my helmet back on my head.

Maybe I'll start avoiding Bella tomorrow.

I pulled up to the house not long after the call and stomped my way inside trying not to notice how childish I was being.

I walked in the door and saw Bella asleep on the couch with a video game controller resting on her stomach.

God she was still so beautiful, probably more beautiful than she was as a teenager.

What was with me and watching this woman sleep? I moved to nudge her shoulder but, after the way she acted toward me earlier, I figured I had better not press my luck. I turned and slammed the living room door loudly.

Bella startled and sat upright on the sofa.

"Oh good, you're up," I said as I tossed her shoes to her and waited.

She looked at me like I was the last person she wanted to see.

"Um, where am I going?" She asked frowning.

"We are going to Port Angeles so you can get fitted for your dress," I said annoyed, though I wasn't sure why.

"I'm not going anywhere with you. I'll go alone," she huffed.

I raised my eyebrows at her and waited for the fact that she flew here to click. When it did, her face dropped in defeat.

"You won't let me drive the Aston Martin will you?" She asked though she already knew the answer.

I smirked at her, though I knew it would only irritate her more.

"Not a chance."

Her frustration grew as she roughly grabbed her purse and threw it over her shoulder.

"Well, it's nice to see that some things haven't changed," she bit as she stumbled through the door.

"My thoughts exactly," I chuckled, earning a glare from Bella.

The ride to Port Angeles was awkward to say the least. We rode without speaking. The radio played and anytime a song came on that I liked Bella would change the station.

It was my car and I could have put an end to her childish antics but I decided to just let it go.

We finally arrived at the dress store and entered without speaking. The older woman behind the counter rushed around to greet us as the door chimed.

"Hello, you must be Bella. Rosalie told me you'd be here soon."

"Yes, I'm Bella. I believe I'm supposed to be getting fitted for my maid of honor gown."

"Yes dear, I have it right here. Rosalie was pretty sure of your size so hopefully we'll just have to do some minor alterations," she smiled.

I stood there, not knowing what to do or say. It took a moment before the woman noticed me.

"Oh how rude of me, I'm Lucille," she said extending her hand which I shook it gently as I introduced myself.

She leaned over and winked at Bella.

"So handsome, he's a keeper honey," she grinned.

"I thought that too," Bella said with a big fake smile that made me drown in guilt.

Apparently Lucille didn't notice the past tense because she just smiled wider and took Bella back to the dressing room.

I sank into an oversized chair and waited for this to end. While I waited, I texted Tanya to make sure there was no business that needed my immediate attention.

"Oh honey you look beautiful," I heard Lucille sigh.

I looked up and saw Bella standing in a dark crimson dress that fell just below her knees. The neckline plunged low enough to show just the most subtle amount of cleavage. Bella blushed at the compliment as she stepped up in front of the mirror.

"Beautiful," I murmured.

"What was that dear?" Lucille asked as she inspected the back of Bella's dress like I was.

"Nothing, I was just wondering how long this is going to take?" I lied.

"It shouldn't take too much longer. Rosalie seemed to know this one's body pretty well."

I nodded and bit back the inappropriate comment that threatened to emerge from my lips. I watched Bella more than I should have as the dress was pulled and pinned.

I was pulled out of my self-destructive tendencies by the ringing of my phone.

"Hey Tanya, miss me already?" I asked with a laugh.

"Please, these have been the most peaceful couple of days I have had in years."

"Yeah whatever, you love me," I teased as I excused myself and stepped outside.

"Sure, sure. I just wanted to let you know your bags should be there by this evening. I've also made a few changes to your schedule but nothing that has to be discussed right now."

"Thanks so much for everything T. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Probably live in a van down by the river." she laughed.

"You're probably right," I laughed.

"Well I'll see you when I get home; talk to you later."

I hung up and turned to see Bella shove past me.

"I'm done," she muttered as she stormed to the car.

"Fantastic," I sighed as I followed her.

A part of me enjoyed getting her riled up but right now I really just wanted to see her smile, and that scared me.

"So…are you excited for the wedding?" I asked, realizing how lame my attempt at a conversation was a second after the words left my lips.

Bella turned her head slowly in my direction and looked at me with disbelief.

"Let's not do this, please? Can we just ride home in silence?" She pleaded.

"Fine, whatever," I said gripping the steering wheel tighter.

I tried, however pathetically, to have a civil conversation with the woman but she wasn't having it.

We continued to the house in a deafening silence. I contemplated all the things I could tell her to try and make her hate me less but what would be the point? I left her and she hates me, that's where we are.

I bounced my knee anxiously the closer we got to the house. By the time we reached Forks I was ready to let her drive my car just so I could walk home. However, the second we pulled into the drive I wanted to throw the car in reverse and high tail it to a bar.

I felt a growl like noise grow in my chest as I looked at the car that was in front of me.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I hissed.

Bella shot me a victorious smirk and climbed out of the car. I don't know why she seemed so damn excited, she was never a fan of the tension between the two of us, and rarely liked us being in the same room.

I followed her inside although she moved with much more urgency than I did.

Everyone, with the exception of Alice and Jasper, were back at the house gathered in the living room. Bella spotted him before I did and I really wished I had been wrong about who owned that car that was outside.

"Jacob!" She yelled as she threw her delicate arms around his fat neck.

He spun her around like the overgrown man child he is and finally placed her down on her feet after an eternity.

He looked at me and narrowed his eyes."Edward." I wondered to myself how pissed mom would be if I decked him, just one good shot. Yeah that probably wouldn't bode well with her ideals of hospitality.

"Jacob," I responded mocking his cold tone.

I walked off and headed toward the bar wondering how many more dimensions of hell I would have to wade through before this week would end.

**A/N: So what do we think? Reviewers get teasers!**

**It was brought to my attention that some reviewers may not want to know what is going to happen early so if you do NOT want a teaser for the next chapter then just say so and I'll be sure not to give you one. **

**Alright now stop reading and hit the review button. Thanks dolls.**


	5. Broken

**AN: Just wanted to say thanks to all who reviewed last chapter. You guys crack me up! Also, thanks to my lovely beta, Edwardrocksmysocks, for being so great and getting this chapter back so quickly!**

**I'll meet you at the bottom. Don't forget, Stephenie still owns these characters. **

Chapter 5

Broken

I poured myself a strong drink and waded through the epic shit storm that is my current situation. I don't know what I was thinking when I came out here. I let out a frustrated sigh as I Thought over the long list of bad decisions I was paying for.

First, there's agreeing to spend a week with my nosy family who all radiate with love and sympathetic glances. Sure sounds like fun, I thought with a sarcastic shrug.

Let's not forget allowing myself to be forced into close quarters with my ex who, despite my hopes, is still as breathtaking as the day I walked out on her to protect my own ass. Why not?

As if all of that wasn't enough let's throw in watching said ex fling herself at a man who doesn't deserve her attention but rather a swift kick in the ass. Yes let's definitely sign me up for that.

I quickly finished off the rest of my drink and poured another one. I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder and I fought the urge to ask them to leave my pity party.

"I'm sorry. It must be hard for you to see Bella with him, but we can't be rude, Edward."

"Bella can fling herself at whomever she wants, the way she behaves is none of my concern," I said in a distant tone.

Before I had time to register what was happening the hand that been offering comfort moved from my shoulder and slammed against the back of my head.

"Shit mom, was that really necessary?" I demanded while rubbing my head.

"You watch your mouth Edward Anthony. You will not curse at me again, and I will not tolerate you speaking about Bella like that. You made quite a display with the way you stormed off to the bar. I assumed you were upset, but I didn't expect you to behave like an immature child."

"Mom, can you please…"

"No, no I can't. I don't care how old you think you are; you are in my house, and you will conduct yourself accordingly. Bella has been nothing but kind to this family. She is my daughter and I still want her even if you decided otherwise."

My mom spoke with fierceness that I hadn't heard her use in my adult life. Every bit of the disappointment she harbored toward me vibrated through her voice.

I had so many things I wanted to say in regards to her lecture but I knew better. Instead I hung my head, hiding from her stinging stare, as I muttered out my apologies.

"That's better. Now I'll give you a few minutes to collect yourself then I expect you to join the rest of the family and be civil to our guest."

With that she gave me a quick hug and turned to leave. Before she left she turned back and gave me a sad look.

"You can't have it both ways, dear," she said softly before walking out the door and leaving me to ponder what the hell she was talking about.

I pushed it away for now, refilled my drink, and headed into my own nightmare.

Everyone was laughing as I walked into the living room. The entire family had returned and Emmett and Jacob were entertaining the room with their football smack talking.

Our schools had played against each other on a few rare occasions in high school and they were still debating the last game Emmett played against a younger Jacob's team.

"Whatever dude, there was no holding. That was just good coverage. It isn't my fault you couldn't beat me," Emmett declared loudly.

"Fine, whatever, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. It's not like you could play like that anymore, so there's no real way of knowing if it was skill or dumb luck," Jacob taunted with a big stupid grin.

Emmett's eyebrows rose instantly.

"Rose, would you get my football out of my old room? We're doing this," he said as he hopped to his feet.

Rosalie nodded before quickly making her way upstairs to retrieve the ball. She knew, just as well as the rest of us, that there was probably no way of talking him out of this. Once she returned with the ball, Emmett insisted that everyone play and managed to convince everyone except for Alice and Esme to participate. Carlisle would be the ref, which was probably a good idea.

Jacob, Bella, and Jasper somehow made up one team while Emmett, Rose, and I made up the other. We all headed outside to play football in the dark

The game started out with an argument. Rosalie and Jasper declared themselves quarterbacks and the problems began.

"We can't let her be the quarterback, then we can't blitz. If we sack her she'll get hurt or break a nail," Jacob laughed.

Uh oh.

I had almost forgotten the mutual hatred between these two. They were always short with one another. Now Jacob had just pushed the wrong button on Rose and I stood back to watch the fireworks.

Rose leaned her neck back and put her manicured hands on her hips.

"Oh hell," Emmett muttered quietly.

"Excuse me, what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Rose snapped at Jacob.

I glanced over at Bella and for a split second we shared the same smirk we had in the past when these two would go at. As soon as Bella realized what we were doing she quickly looked away.

"Easy Midol Barbie, I was just expressing my concern with the fact that we can't play rough."

"Well Alpo, if you think you can get to me then by all means, bring it. Although, you might want to remember you will have the ball at some point and it's hard to talk shit from flat on your back," Rose said, punctuating her final words by poking the end of the ball in Jacob's chest.

I knew the two of them could go on like this forever and, although it would be entertaining, I was ready to get this over with.

"Look, let's play. Jake, don't worry about Rose. She can take care of herself just fine," I called as I walked farther away from the house.

Rose gave me a smile though it looked like it caused her pain to do so. Carlisle called out that there would be no sacking the quarterbacks much to Jacob and Rose's dismay.

Everyone had followed me into the yard and we began playing. Things progressed just fine and the game was actually quite enjoyable.

Of course, my favorite part was getting to hit Jacob more than a few times. I did make sure to rein in my anger just a bit so I could still tackle him without calling attention to the joy I received from it.

He might have tackled me, maybe once or twice, _maybe_.

After almost an hour of playing we had time for one more play. My team was ahead by six and Jacob's team had the ball.

Jasper had the ball in his hand but noticed that Emmett was all over Jacob making passing to him impossible.

Jasper's eyes then shifted to Bella noticing she was open. He brought his arm back to pass to her and, though Bella was clumsy, I knew it was possible that even she might be able to catch this pass.

I ran toward her knowing I had enough speed so that I could turn and intercept the ball.

Still, Bella was clumsy and somehow—as I turned to throw my hands up—she got her feet tangled with mine.

Almost as though it was in slow motion, my body twisted toward hers and we tumbled into the damp grass together.

There was only a split second where my body was pressed to hers before I landed propped on my elbows with her beneath me, but in that second my world shifted.

Every thought of her that I had forced into the back of my mind rushed forward with a fury.

In that fleeting moment I had felt her stomach connect to mine. Her flat, smooth, stomach; the same one I used to blow raspberries on when she was irritated and I wanted to make her laugh. She would swat at my shoulders and try to squirm away but her laughter was beautiful, happy.

In that second her hand had grasped the back of her neck and I remembered the way she would always massage my neck and my scalp when I had a long day. She always seemed to know when I needed it without me having to ask.

Her breasts crushed to my chest and I remembered all the time I had spent exploring them, learning every minute detail; worshiping them. I remembered teasing her when she first got them and popping the strap on her back just to watch her face flush red in anger and embarrassment. She would always laugh and point when my voice would crack or squeak as revenge.

We had been so close for so long and having her against me brought me back to a time when things were good, simple, easy.

Her eyes were locked with mine as we stayed connected on the ground for a second more than was appropriate. My eyes darted to her lips and I felt a magnetic pull to them. All sense of self preservation flew into the cool breeze as she raised her head up to mine just the smallest bit.

I gave into the pull and moved to meet her lips halfway.

"Bella! Are you okay?" Jacob yelled as his steps grew loud.

Bella startled beneath me and I quickly rolled myself off of her and shuffled to my feet. The rest of the players were either cheering our win or taking the ribbing for the loss. I made my way through the ruckus and headed inside to the solace of my room.

I took the stairs two at a time and slammed my door closed. I knew the familiar feelings rearing their ugly head were getting louder and I felt powerless.

I walked into my private bathroom and turned on the shower hoping to let the hot water wash away the last hour of my life.

The warmth and pressure of the shower did little to help my crumbling perspective. I scrubbed my skin harshly, trying in vain to wash away the memories that were assaulting my mind.

I felt like an amnesia patient who was having everything they'd forgotten flood their psyche all in one swift movement.

I remembered hiding with Bella in my tree house when she ran away from home because Charlie wouldn't let her get a puppy. I snuck her food and we huddled under a blanket as she cried about how unfair her parents were being.

I remembered lazy Saturdays where we would lay on the couch together. She would read for hours while I ran my fingers through her hair and down her arms simply basking in how lucky I was to be loved by my best friend.

I remembered the first night I spent in New York, staring at her picture while the sounds of the street blared outside my lonely, cold hotel room. I picked up my phone every ten minutes checking for a phone call and debating on calling her. She never called me. I never heard from her.

The only sign that she was alright was three months later when I received a couple of boxes filled with the belongings I had left and paper work to close some of our joint accounts. I cried like a little bitch as I sifted through the remnants of our shared life. It was then that I vowed to never let a woman that close again.

She had been my life, my everything, and I ended it. I had the happiness most people search their entire lives for and let it slip through my fingers. No, I didn't let it slip; I forced it out of my grasp.

I angrily shut off the shower and threw a towel around my waist. I wiped off the sink above the mirror and stared at the reflection of a man I wasn't sure I was supposed to be.

I had always known I had failed Bella, but had I failed myself as well?

oOo

BPOV

My thoughts were a frenzied blur as I pulled myself off of the ground and joined my friends. What the hell was that? Did I initiate that almost-kiss or whatever that was? Was he going to kiss me or am I delusional? Oh lord there are so many reasons why these thoughts needed to stop.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked as I dusted off my pants.

I knew he meant physically but my mind screamed 'no'.

"I'm fine," I mumbled as I tried to keep up with the conversation that was going on around me. I felt so isolated listening to the good natured fun that was going on. I wasn't here with them.

Instead, I was in a bed with Edward over three years ago still tingling from his touch. God I hated him. How could his touch instantly make me regress and put me back under his spell? I'm sure it wasn't his intention. Apparently he has someone new now. Well, I hope he's happy with her. Well, I kind of hope she has a third nipple and webbed feet..

No, I'm sure she's stunning. Well as long as he's happy now, I guess. I heard myself scoff at the thought and hoped no one else had noticed it. I couldn't even buy what I was selling.

Why should he get to be happy when I'm so damn…blah? There was something there though. As we hit the hard earth I saw a look in his eyes that I was almost positive was desire. I wonder if he looks at her that way.

"Don't take it so hard, Bella. It was bound to happen," Emmett said while wrapping me in a one armed hug.

"What?"

Oh please tell me I wasn't ranting about Edward out loud. Oh please, if there is a God in Heaven, please don't let me be that transparent.

"You look like you lost your best friend. It was a loss, there was no way you were going to win without being on my team," he chuckled shaking me a little.

I breathed a sigh of relief, happy that my weakness wasn't on display for the whole world.

"Oh, yeah the game, no I'm just not feeling well. I think I'm going to go lay down."

He tilted my chin to look up at him.

"Are you okay, kid?" he questioned with concern.

"Uh huh, I just have a bit of headache," I lied.

After saying my goodnights to everyone, and convincing Carlisle that I didn't have a concussion from the hit, I made my way inside.

I went into my bedroom and flung myself gracelessly on the bed. I tried to think of anything but Edward. I focused on all the wedding tasks that had to be done tomorrow. I thought of my parent's and wondered if Charlie was going to be able to get enough vacation time to make it here by the end of the week.

I forced my mind to avoid thinking of anything resembling green eyes and finally started to doze off after such an emotionally exhausting day.

I was almost out when I heard my door creak open.

"Bells, you awake?" Jake called from the darkness.

"I am now," I sighed as he flipped on the light and joined me on my bed.

"I'm about to head over to Billy's but I wanted to make sure you were good first," he said as he pushed my hair away from my face.

"Yeah, it wasn't that hard of hit. I'll be fine," I said through a yawn.

"I wasn't talking about the hit. Are you going to be okay here with him? You know Billy has a couch if you need it. I don't know how you can stand being in the same house with the asshole who broke your heart." Jacob began down a path I knew all too well.

"Please, please, don't go there, not tonight," I begged.

"Fine, but if you need to get away from him then you know where to go. Don't let him break you again. You deserve better," he said in a defeated tone.

I nodded and Jacob got up and left.

I laid there for a while after he was gone contemplating the words he had left me with. It was evident that Jacob had never been in love when he told me not to 'let' Edward break me.

It wasn't as though I had a choice as to whether or not I wanted to allow Edward to crush me in the past. I had been in deep and once you offer everything you have to someone they are the one with the power.

The sad, and somewhat pathetic, thing is that I'm not entirely sure that I regret the decision of putting everything I had in Edward. Sure the pain was and still is immeasurable, but I had found true happiness for that moment. Though fleeting as it was, I couldn't bring myself to regret it.

I know that at one point Edward had loved me as much as I loved him. I'm not sure when it ended for him but I know that I had been loved.

I wondered if it was possible for one to find two great loves. Maybe we are only meant to truly love one person and if they decide they don't love us anymore it is simply the luck of the draw.

I looked at my alarm clock to see that all of my internal ramblings had kept me awake until two in the morning. I knew sleep wouldn't find me now so I threw on my robe and fumbled my way down the dark steps.

I only stumbled once as I felt my way to the kitchen to grab a cup of tea. I flipped on the kitchen light and jumped about a foot in the air as I saw Edward sitting at the island clinging to a glass with his head down.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was up. I'll leave you alone," I stuttered as I turned to walk away.

"No, it's fine. You can join me…if you want," he said quietly.

I'm not sure why, but I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and sat across the island from him.

"Hitting the hard stuff tonight?" I said while gesturing toward his glass of chocolate milk.

It was typical Edward. He would always sneak downstairs for chocolate milk when he couldn't sleep when we were younger.

He almost smiled as he nodded. He took my empty glass and fixed me one too. I tried to ignore the fact that he only poured me a half of a glass knowing that I wouldn't drink milk if it had even the slightest amount of time to get warm.

I watched as he poured twice as much chocolate in my glass as his held and stirred it. There was something so familiar and terrifying about being with him like this.

Both of us had always been night owls and it was common to find ourselves together like this on nights when I would have a sleep over with Alice.

We sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes before Edward laughed quietly to himself.

"What?" I demanded feeling a little paranoid.

"Nothing," he said with a hint of a smile.

"No seriously, what is so funny?" I asked, growing a little irritated.

"I can't believe you moved to Florida," he chuckled.

"It doesn't suit you."

I grew a bit defensive at his assumption, no matter how right he may or not be.

"What is that supposed to mean? How would you know what suits me?" I asked seriously.

He raised an eyebrow at me and I knew what he was thinking. At one point he had known me better than I knew myself.

"I didn't mean to offend," he defended.

"I just have a hard time picturing you enjoying living in the land of the tan and bikini clad."

He had a point.

"There is more to Florida than beaches, Edward."

"You're right. So do you go to retirement communities and play bridge then?" He asked in a serious tone.

I couldn't help the traitorous laugh that emerged.

"Only on Mondays and Wednesdays," I joked.

He laughed too and I realized how much I had missed that sound.

"I'm sure; you were never any good at cards. I seem to remember a pile of Uno cards being flung across the living room because someone got tired of losing," he grinned.

Damn that grin. Once I broke the trance that his white teeth and full lips were locking me in I was overcome with playful indignation.

"No, You wouldn't stop cheating! And the cards would have only hit you and not the entire living room if you wouldn't have ducked," I said in the loudest voice I could manage without waking up the entire house.

We both laughed at the memory before we fell silent again. This was wrong on so many levels that I wasn't sure where to begin.

This felt friendly and familiar, and I couldn't have that. It would only make things harder.

I got up quickly and put my glass in the sink. As I moved to walk out the door Edward called my name in a broken voice that wasn't recognizable.

I stopped in my tracks and turned to meet his eyes. His eyes were filled with conflict and confusion, part of me wanted to console him but something else in me wanted to yell 'ha' and stomp off.

"Never mind," he sighed.

I turned and walked away from him, retreating to the deafening silence of the Cullen's guest room.

oOo

I awoke the next morning with a clear head. I was young, moderately attractive, and had my whole life ahead of me. I was done longing for a man that apparently was never really mine.

I used to be fun, even a little bold. It was time to put thoughts of Edward Cullen away. Maybe I would never find that love that makes you feel high and complete again, but I wasn't out of the game. This wallowing had gone on long enough.

I hopped out of bed feeling optimistic and went to throw myself in the shower. After blow drying my hair and fixing my make up a little heavier than I would normally wear I threw on a pair of tight jeans and my favorite shirt.

It was time for a new me, or well maybe the old me. I wasn't sure. Either way, I was taking my power back.

I walked downstairs eagerly and found Esme cooking in the kitchen. I gave her a big hug and asked how I could help.

We were almost through with breakfast when we were joined by the rest of the family sans Edward and Carlisle who had already left for work.

"Wow Bella, you look good," Alice chirped as I bent over to take Esme's cinnamon rolls from the oven.

"Thanks," I smiled toward the oven.

As I stuck my hand in to grasp the pan I heard a sharp intake of breath from behind me.

I sat the calorie filled deliciousness down on the counter and turned to see Edward standing in the kitchen in nothing but a pair of pajamas pants. I grew angry at my imagination as it conjured up visions of me running my nails down those abs.

Fuck.

Looks like I was going to have to follow the old saying of fake it till you make it.

Heaven help me.

**AN: Alright ladies and gents, I have a teaser ready for you just as soon as you hit the review button and let me know what you think!**


	6. Run away

**A/N: Hey guys sorry about the delay on this chapter, between real life and computer problems from hell I wasn't sure this would ever get finished. **

**As always thanks to everyone who's reading this story and a huge thank you to all of you who have reviewed. **

**Thanks to my awesome Beta Edwardrocksmysocks for getting this chapter back so quick!**

**S. Meyer owns Twilight  
**

Chapter 6

Runaway

"Couldn't you have made all these purchases before; like maybe sometime in the past year you've been planning this wedding?" I complained as Rosalie, Alice, and I loaded armfuls of white candles into our shopping carts.

"What, and miss the chance of listening to you whine for hours on end?" Rosalie scoffed with justifiable irritation.

I glared at her and went to find the ridiculously tiny bags that we would stuff with bird killing rice. Bridezilla could care less if any birds exploded because of her nuptials. Apparently bird seed was too ugly to be thrown at her.

As I stomped my way down the aisles of bridal hell I felt a bit guilty about my sullen attitude.

I had made up my mind this morning that I was done pining over someone who could care less if I was alive. This would have been a bit easier to deal with had Edward not decided to spend all morning studying me.

He stared at me all through breakfast with a confused look on his face that made him look as though he was trying to develop his own economic stimulus plan..

I couldn't understand his sudden extreme interest. More than that I didn't know how to explain the look Carlisle was giving him. He looked simultaneously angry and sad.

I wasn't sure what was going on between them.

I gathered up my strength and met Edward's gaze raising a falsely amused eyebrow.

"Problem Edward?" I questioned lightly before taking a bite of my breakfast and pulling the fork from between my lips slowly.

That may have been a childish move but I could care less. It was my turn to act as though he no longer mattered to me.

He mumbled a quick apology and focused on his plate but it wasn't a full minute before he was looking at me again when he thought I wasn't paying attention. It was more than a little unnerving.

At one point after breakfast I ran to the bathroom to make sure I didn't have anything in my teeth. Once I was confident in my smile I devoted the rest of the morning to ignoring him completely.

Now I was stuck sifting through a sea of wedding paraphernalia that caused my bitterness to reach its limit.

I was twenty-six with no considerable prospects and one of my best friends was having the wedding I had always planned on having.

I was never like every other little girl who knows every detail of that special day before puberty but at one point in my relationship with Edward I had entertained the idea that we would get married as soon as I finished grad school.

It would have been in the Cullen's backyard, the same location that Rose had decided to use.

I shook my head and tried to focus on the task at hand.

After several stores and a couple drinks at lunch we decided it was time to head back to the Cullen's.

Alice went to go yell for the guys to come out and help us but Rose and I were already pulling the bags and boxes out of the truck.

"What'd you get me baby?" Emmett hollered as he came out the door.

"All the trimmings for the wedding of your dreams," she grinned.

Emmett's face fell dramatically.

"Did you get me any beef jerky?" He asked hopefully, as he stuck his nose into the bag Rose had thrust into his oversized arms.

I couldn't help but laugh at his pathetic pout. Who would think to buy dried meat when wedding shopping? My chuckles immediately stopped when I watched Rose pull an oversized bag of jerky from her purse. You have got to be kidding me.

Emmett went to carry in his load with a child-like grin stretching across his face.

"How did you know he would ask for that?" I questioned confused.

We had left before Emmett had a chance to make any requests.

"It's the little things that make this work. I know he always wants meat of any kind. He knows if he orders me any food with sour cream on it I'll shank his ass," she said with a shrug.

I simply shook my head and picked up a roll of some fabric that was going to be draped over anything that would stand still and turned to head inside.

I wasn't expecting the comfortable feeling of warm electric currents brushing across my hand.

"I've got it," I mumbled, not looking up to see his eyes.

"It's heavy, let me," he said as he went to pull it from my grasp.

I yanked back harder.

"I said I'm fine," I growled through clenched teeth. I don't know why I was getting so worked up but right now the roll of fabric was extremely important to me. I could feel the rain start to fall but I wasn't wavering in my determination.

"Bella, just let me help you."

I lost control over…everything.

"Let go of the damn fabric Edward! I don't fucking need you!" I yelled before my words had time to run through my mind.

Time stopped.

I looked up avoiding his gaze but saw the look of all my friends who were frozen in different phases of transport.

I dropped my end of the spool and ran into the house barely recognizing the sound of Edward cursing and Rosalie laughing. Not sure what that was about.

My embarrassment fueled my feet and I didn't stop until I reached the guest bedroom.

I was in a bit of shock that I had cursed at Edward like that in front of our friends—not that he didn't deserve it—but I would be lying if I said I hadn't fantasized about ripping into him. I was disappointed in myself though because I had promised that I would show him respect while we were here at his parent's house and I had failed already.

I was mortified, yet there was still a part of me that was angry and made me wanted to go back outside to finish what I started. There was a lot more I could say to him than that I didn't need him.

I had to get out of here before I said something I shouldn't or died of shame. I picked up my phone as I shoved a few outfits into my duffle bag.

"Can you come get me?" I asked before Jake had a chance to say hello.

"On my way," he said before I clicked my phone shut.

I heard a few doors slam in the house while I hurried and threw the rest of my things together. I had no idea what my plan would be but staying in this house for the rest of the evening was not going to be feasible.

Once I had my things in order I marched downstairs. Luckily the living room was empty with the exception of Esme who was frantically polishing an immaculate entertainment center.

"Where is everyone?" I whispered.

I was so glad Esme hadn't been outside to witness my mini tirade.

"Jasper, Emmett, and the girls went to pick up some things for dinner for me and I think Edward went for a ride," she replied never once pausing from her cleaning.

"Okay well can you let Rose know that I'm going out for the evening? I'll be ho- back tomorrow morning," I said as I walked quickly to the door.

"Sure dear. Oh no wait, you need to be here tonight-"

I cut her off before she could finish.

"Esme, I really need to get out of here for a while. I promise I'll be back before breakfast. If you absolutely have to have me stay I will, for you, but I really need to just get away," I pleaded.

She held eye contact for a minute before nodding sadly and I was out the door. I started walking to the end of the driveway for lack of anything better to do. Jacob's tires were screeching to a halt right before I reached the end.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked as he turned his truck around.

"Nope," I responded with a smile.

Jacob had a way of not pushing and I had never been more grateful.

"I've been cleaning out the garage today. I think the old man has been stealing my tools when he comes to visit. I think he tucks them in his chair and rolls back to the rez with a couple hundred bucks in Snap On wrenches every trip," he laughed

And just like that my stress began to dissolve.

It was just starting to get dark when I realized I had left my phone in Jacob's truck. I really didn't care to go and get it. I needed to just be away from all the stress of the wedding and everything else. If there was a major emergency they would find me.

"Do you ever think about moving back home?" Jacob asked.

We had spent the entire evening laughing about old times and random stories but now I felt the mood shift to something different.

"To Forks?" I asked stupidly.

"Yes to Forks. Do you ever just want to get out of Florida and come back to your roots?" He unnecessarily clarified.

"My parents live in Florida now; aren't they my roots?" I asked while twisting a socket around my finger.

"You know what I mean Bella. Are you happy where you are now?" he persisted.

He scooted closer to me on the work bench and I had to fight the urges both to pull away and lean closer.

"I'm not unhappy," I said after a moment's deliberation.

"That's not good enough," he spoke as a judge who just presented a ruling on a simple case.

I felt myself becoming a little defense.

"Says who? Maybe it is good enough. I have my own house. I have a degree and a fairly successful career. Who decides what else I need. Not everyone ends up with two kids and a white picket fence Jacob."

"Bullshit Bella. Yes, you've done well for yourself but I know what you want and what you deserve. Charlie talks to Billy and Billy talks to me. Your dad is worried about you. He says he feels like your putting your life on hold…waiting for something. You deserve more Bells," he said brushing his fingers across my arm. It felt warm.

"Those two need to mind their own business; acting like gossiping old women," I sighed.

"Why don't you consider a change of scenery? There are plenty of nice apartments in California. You could stay with me until you find one of your own. You could be happy Bella."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This wasn't the first time Jake had tried to talk me into moving closer to him.

"Jake, I've told you before I can't just pick up and leave. I have a life in Florida. I can't just throw it all away," I argued.

"Throw what away? Your career, you're a writer you can do that anywhere."

"I couldn't impose on you like that. You're a good friend Jacob but I wouldn't want to smother you that way."

Jake got off the bench and knelt in front of me taking both of his hands in mine. My mind screamed at me to run but I couldn't move.

"Bella we could be more than friends. You know how I feel about you. You have to know. I want you. I want us; I always have. Why can't you see that?" He pleaded.

The first thought in my mind was of Edward looking smug telling me he told me so.

"Jake…I…You…I just can't Jake," I mumbled.

"Why?" He demanded a bit harshly.

"Because of him? He had his chance Bella. He didn't want you. He was a fool. I could love you. You're my best friend."

His final sentence ended in a sigh and my heart broke for him, and for me.

"Jake, I love you, but only as a friend. You're a great friend but I just don't feel that way about you. I'm so sorry," I said as my voice cracked.

"You haven't given yourself the chance to feel that way. You're still back there with him. Just be here with me," he begged.

His fingers moved up my arms until his warm hand came to rest on the side of my face.

He moved in closer and my eyelids dropped as my lips parted.

"Don't close your eyes," he whispered inches away from my lips.

"See me, be here with me."

My hands gripped his biceps lightly as I stared at his warm eyes. He moved closer yet and I felt his breath against my cheek. My hands slid up shoulders.

His soft lips touched my cheek. I felt a slight current begin to build inside me. It had been so long since I had felt wanted.

His mouth moved closer to mine as he kissed my cheek again. His lips moved to kiss right beside my mouth and my eyelids closed softly.

The second I shut my eyes I saw a pair of green ones staring back at me.

"Damn it!" I cursed standing up quickly before his lips made contact with my mine.

My sudden jolt caused Jacob to fall flat on his butt. He sat there on the cement rubbing his hands over his face.

"I'm sorry, I just can't," I whispered.

I crouched down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder.

"I know. You can't blame a guy for trying right?" He said with a sad smile.

I gave him the same smile back and we sat in silence on the cold floor. Finally Jacob looked up.

"You still love him," he said as though it was a statement and not a question.

"I can't…" was all I could think to say.

"He wrote me a letter once," he said quietly.

"What…when? Why am I just now hearing about this? What did he say?" I rambled trying to understand why Edward would write to the man he assumed I was having an affair with.

"Calm down, turbo," he said, his smile being close to genuine.

"I got it a couple weeks after he left you. It was short and to the point. He told me to take care of you. He also said he'd kill me if I ever hurt you," he laughed bitterly while I sat in shock.

"Can you believe the nerve of that guy? Telling me not to hurt you after what he did. I couldn't believe it."

"I can," I choked out.

It was completely typical of Edward to act so protective of me when he was the only one with the power to do true and lasting damage to me.

"Hey," he said as he nudged my shoulder.

"Things will get better." He smiled

I scoffed.

"What they can't get much worse could they?" He questioned with a laugh.

"Tell me you didn't just say that." I rolled my eyes.

"Can you take me home?" I asked quietly.

"Sure, sure," he mumbled as he heaved his large frame off the cement.

We rode back in comfortable silence. Things should have been extremely awkward but they weren't. We were still friends despite Jacob's feelings for me and my guilt.

We pulled down the long drive and put the truck in park behind the long line of Cullen cars. I felt oddly at ease being back here even considering my previous outburst.

"You'll find someone one day Jacob who can love you the way you deserved to be loved," I said with conviction hoping it would be true for him.

He didn't respond as he leaned over and pulled me into a hug as the engine kept running.

"Love you, Bells," he said with a smile and a wink.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, love you too, jerk."

I climbed out of the vehicle and began to walk toward the door as Jake pulled away. I noticed the garage light was shining brightly through the dark night. I moved closer to inspect the situation.

Edward was bent down by his motorcycle washing the tires with care. He didn't have a shirt on and I stood for too long watching the muscles in his back contract and release as he scrubbed the rims.

I shook my head to rattle out the images that were overtaking all of my senses.

"Aren't you chilly?" I asked looking at his bare back and flimsy basketball shorts he was wearing.

He turned quickly and looked up at me with a small smile.

"My shirt was wet. It's cooler with it on than off," he said before turning back to his task.

"Um, don't you have clothes inside?" I asked.

I was really wondering why he was out here washing his bike so late at night anyway.

He mumbled something about death that I didn't quite catch and placed the cloth he was using in a bucket.

"Want a beer?" He asked standing up and stretching.

God why couldn't he have gotten fat?

"Sure," I said though I didn't know why.

I shouldn't be out here with him like this, at least without trying to apologize or yell at him. This felt too normal, too relaxed.

Edward walked back out of the garage with two opened beers. He handed me mine without a word. Before he turned to walk back to his bike I saw a huge, nasty-looking, bruise on his shin.

"Edward, what happened to your leg?" I asked bending down to examine it closer.

He laughed without humor.

"Yeah, real funny, Swan."

"No really, what happened?" I asked again.

"Well I fell in love with a girl, treated her like shit, and she retaliated by dropping her end of a heavy wooden spool covered in fabric. Shit slammed into my leg and hurt like hell," He said with half a smile.

"I did that?" I questioned with wide eyes.

"Yes ma'am. Although, as far as pain goes I assume we're still not remotely close to even are we?" He said looking almost sad.

"Nope," I said with a grin.

That bruise looked painful but he wasn't getting much sympathy from me.

"I didn't mean to," I said honestly.

It wasn't an apology but it was as much as he was going to receive.

"I know," he replied before going to dry his motorcycle.

"Bella can we talk…" he hedged quietly but his tone was deathly serious.

"Not about that… not now, maybe never, but certainly not now," I said defiantly.

"Bella I just want to explain and apologize-"

"It's three years too late for that Edward. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I just want to get through the rest of this week as peacefully as possible, then we can both go back to our lives," I said with false strength.

I really wanted to ask a million questions and figure out what I had done so wrong that he left. Why wasn't I good enough? Why didn't he love me enough to stay? But those questions would lead to a slippery slope of despair and it wouldn't matter in the end anyway. I was done with him. We were done.

Edward studied my face before speaking.

"Okay, fine." Defeat coated his words and I wondered why I didn't feel victorious.

He finished drying the bike and went to grab another beer. Edward gestured toward the bench that sat near the walkway of the Cullen's house. I reluctantly followed him and sat down a foot away. I sipped casually on my beer waiting for him to speak. Apparently he wasn't going to talk.

"So why didn't you bring your girlfriend out here?" I asked with an innocent smile. He nearly choked on his beer.

"What? What girlfriend?" He asked quickly.

"The one you were talking to when I was at the fitting," I said, losing my enthusiasm.

I really didn't want to discuss his love life, but this seemed like standard polite conversation, plus I enjoyed watching him squirm a little more than I would ever admit.

He laughed a bit now seeming completely at ease, crap.

"Tanya is not my girlfriend. She's my assistant. She's pretty awesome, a little like Rosalie but not quite as evil. I think you two would really get along well," he smiled.

He looked at me and then we both seemed to realize what he had said. We wouldn't get along because I would never meet her. I wasn't a part of his life anymore. We both gazed off in the distance at the dense forest. We sat quietly for a bit before Edward sat up straighter and softly grabbed my wrist. I ignored the feelings that rushed through me at his touch.

"Look Bella, a bear!" Edward laughed while pointing to a tiny set of eyes shining around the edge of the tree line.

"Shut up!" I cried smacking him in the arm.

"I still can't believe you knew Emmett was just trying to scare me but you didn't say anything. You just let me freak out and run inside to watch movies with you," I feigned hurt as I remembered the first barbecue I ever attended with my family at the Cullen's. I was ten and saw a pair of beady eyes glowing in the woods.

"Hey I was young and I had the first girl I had ever had a crush on clinging to my arm asking if I could take her to my room," he laughed.

"Yeah like your mind was that far in the gutter already," I scoffed remembering a very different Edward than what he was trying to describe.

"Okay maybe not like that, but I still remember how proud I felt that you ran to me and not one of the other boys or your parents for protection from the big scary raccoon," he grinned.

I smiled, despite my resentment. We had honestly had a great childhood together.

"It's getting late. We should go inside," I said.

"You go on ahead. I haven't camped in a while and I don't get to see the stars in New York. I think I'll just sleep out here," Edward stammered a bit.

"Don't be ridiculous. It's going to rain eventually and you'll catch your death out here when it gets cold."

Edward raised an eyebrow at me and I shuddered when I realized how much I sounded like my mother in that moment.

"Shut up, you can't stay out here," I said nudging his shoulder with mine before standing up.

"I think I'm more likely to 'catch my death' inside then out here," he said with one harsh laugh.

"What are you talking about Edward?" I sighed. This was getting exhausting.

He didn't answer but tilted his head toward the driveway. It took me a second before I realized what I was looking at.

"When?" I questioned harshly.

"Earlier this evening, Mom said she tried to tell you but you insisted on leaving," Edward said finally standing up.

I resisted the urge to stomp my feet and flail my arms like a child.

"Well you're going in with me," I said leaving no room for discussion. Edward got up and followed me looking truly terrified the entire way.

"Are they both here?" I questioned timidly.

"Not both, _all_," Edward whispered in a tone matching mine.

"Are you okay?" I asked concerned for what he might have gone through.

"Yeah they don't know I'm back yet. I've been outside all evening," he explained, smiling as we walked to the door.

I gripped the door handle tightly slowly opening it. Hen like cackles flowed loudly through the crack in the door.

"I swear Esme, you can find it online for a hundred bucks and it will change your sex life forever," a familiar voice spoke loudly.

"Oh hell," Edward mumbled as I pushed the door completely open to face this nightmare.

**A/N: You know the drill, let me know what you think!**


	7. Don't Think I Don't Think About It

**A/N: Thanks to all of my continued readers and to those of you who take the extra time to review! A huge Thank You to Edwardrocksmysocks for making sure all my chapters are pretty! **

**SM owns Twilight. Darius Rucker owns the song title.**

**Longer note at bottom.  
**

Chapter 7

Don't Think I Don't Think About It

"Mom," I choked.  
My feet felt planted in the carpet.

"Edward!" Renee cheered as she jumped to her feet.

She nearly knocked me down as she bulldozed her way toward him. Her arms circled him tightly and the look he shot me over his shoulder was beyond comical.

I glanced away from Edward's undeserved shock and caught Esme rolling her eyes with an indulgent smile. Renee had always adored Edward. She was his number one fan. As far as Renee was concerned he was the only man that should matter in my life.

When Edward left me she was there for me anytime I needed her, but she never lost faith in her notion that Edward and I were meant to be together. She told me we were still young and this was just a detour from our path, not the end of it.

She was delusional in her extreme optimism.

"Esme, I have to say he gets better looking every time I see him," she said with a grin.

"Where's Dad?" I asked trying to change the subject quickly.

I swear I heard Edward gulp behind me.

"He and Carlisle are up in his study," Esme answered for my mother.

They always seemed to speak in a circle. I was used to this. Growing up we usually referred to them as 'Team Mom'. Well, Team Mom consisted of Renee, Esme, and-

I turned quickly to Edward, trying to keep a calm façade.

"You said all of them. Where's Alaina?"

"On my way," Alaina's loud voice rang through the house.

She sauntered in carrying a tray of some pink drinks that were probably highly flammable.

"How have you been doll?" Alaina questioned as she made her way to the couch, her blonde hair coiffed perfectly making it no secret where Rosalie's beauty came from.

Alaina had left Forks as soon as Rose left for college. I think it was too painful for her to be alone in the home her and her husband had built together.

"I've been good," I said as I timidly sat down in the shark tank right next to Alaina.

The drinks were handed out quickly and I knew this would be a long night.

"Ladies, I think if I have another one of these I may end up dancing on this coffee table," Renee laughed.

Edward shot me a smirk as he tried to contain his laughter. I blushed.

Esme tried to speak to my mother but I realized I didn't know what the heck was going on around here.

I turned to face my mother and gave her a scrutinizing glance.

"I thought you weren't sure if you were going to be able to make it? When did you find out you were coming?"

What I really wanted to know is why I was just now finding out about it.

"You know I couldn't miss Rose and Emmett's wedding. I called Esme this morning and let her know that your dad was able to get time off after all and I booked a flight last night. She said she tried to tell you this morning but you had other plans," she spoke as though it was a statement but I knew there was a nosy question tucked in there.

"I might have peeked through the window and saw that fine piece of man that dropped you off a while ago. Something going on there?" Alaina asked with a grin.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Edward watching me. I weighed my options carefully. I could hint at something going on between Jacob and myself to irritate him but then I would have to face twenty questions with my mother.

"No, nothing is going on. Jacob is just a friend," I said truthfully.

My mother's shoulders relaxed while Alaina scoffed.

"Probably for the best; we'd hate for you to find another man who's cute but not too bright."

It was no secret who her comment was directed towards. I almost felt bad for him. Almost. I shot Edward a little smirk letting him know that I was the new favorite.

If I thought I felt like a child here before, it was nothing compared to how I felt now with all the mothers in the room.

"Alaina you leave him alone. God made some men handsome enough that they don't have to worry about being smart," my own mother defended with a laugh.

Edward gave me a snotty smirk back until he realized that might have been a back handed compliment.

"Yes and God gave some women a size nine foot so they can-"

"Where is everyone else?" Edward interrupted Alaina before she could finish her thinly veiled threat.

"It was the strangest thing, once Renee mentioned fixing us some drinks they all decided they were tired and ran off to bed," Esme said before pouring the rest of her cocktail down her throat.

"Right, well I'm feeling a bit worn out myself," Edward said while stretching his arms high above his head.

"I think I'm going to call it a night too."

I forced a yawn as I stood quickly, eager to escape the loud party that was sure to ensue. Apparently regression in age is common through both generations when our families get together.

"Oh about that dear..." Renee said while giving Esme a wink that she probably thought was subtle.

"Well you know how much work is left to be done with the wedding, and Esme is going to need all the help she can find…" she began.

"Yes," I said nervously.

"You know the Forks Inn is just a disaster and Seattle is such a drive to make every day, so Esme insisted that Alaina, and your father and I stay here while we're visiting."

"Oh great!" I exclaimed with a fake smile.

I loved my mother dearly but I knew she would push Edward and me together at every turn.

"Which means…" Esme continued for her, "your parents will be staying in Edward's room, while Alaina takes the guest room."

The look on her face told me the sleeping arrangements were my mother's idea but I knew she had probably been an eager and cooperative participant in the plan.

"So that would mean I'm sleeping, where?" I asked nervously.

"You and Edward will be down here. The couch pulls out into a bed if you'd like, plus there is the love seat," Esme smiled.

I looked to Alaina who simply rolled her eyes. Clearly she wasn't able to sway them and she was not happy with their decision.

"Fine," I mumbled.

"So if you ladies would be so kind, could you allow Bella and I to get some rest?" Edward said in his smoothest voice, no doubt trying to get back in Alaina's good graces.

Suck up.

"Oh, sorry honey, we are just getting started here. Why don't you go and fix Bella and yourself a drink then come join us so we can all catch up," Renee said with glee.

Edward gave a defeated nod then headed toward the dining room. I followed quickly behind him.

"Rum or whiskey?" Edward questioned when he saw me.

"Don't care as long as it's a double," I said.

I sat down at the bar stool and rested my head on my arms.

"Stupid, stupid, Jake," I mumbled to myself.

"What?" Edward asked as he slid me a glass.

"He said things couldn't get worse."

I gestured toward the living room and the growing laughter with an angry swat of my hand. Edward scoffed lightly and took another drink.

"Tell me about it. Alaina wants to castrate me. I can feel it," He sighed.

"You deserve it," I mumbled quietly.

Having heard what I said Edward looked up at me but didn't comment.

"So are you ready to go and rejoin the hen party?" Edward reluctantly asked.

"I think I'm going to go say hello to my dad. Care to join?" I teased.

I'm not sure why I was enjoying watching him squirm but it felt empowering.

"I'll pass for now," he said with a humorless laugh.

"You'll have to face him eventually."

"I know," He sighed.

I took my drink and left Edward as I headed upstairs to Carlisle's study.

I opened the door without knocking and found Carlisle and my dad leaning out the opened window. Both looked at me panicked while keeping their hands outside the window.

"You know mom will have a fit if she smells it on you," I laughed as both men relaxed when they realized it was me and not their wives.

"What your mom doesn't know won't hurt her, kid," Charlie laughed giving me a hug as he kept his cigar in his hand.

"Yeah, yeah, crazy woman not wanting you to get lung cancer. I don't understand how she could be so demanding," I teased nudging him with her elbow.

"A good Cuban every once in a while won't kill the man Bella. Trust me I'm a doctor," Carlise said before taking a puff.

"So, is it safe to go down yet?" Charlie asked.

"Nope, that's why I'm up here," I replied as I took a large sip of my drink.

"Smart kid," Charlie remarked.

"I suppose I'll have to go down eventually and have a talk with Edward."

Charlie's chest puffed out as he spoke and despite his age I did have a bit of fear for Edward.

"Dad, just let it go. I'm an adult; it's my problem."

"I told him when he was twelve what would happen if he ever hurt you. I am a man of my word Bella."

I could see he was serious about this though I doubted he would really kill him and hide the body on his deer lease like he had threatened when Edward was young.

Carlisle laughed quietly leaning back out the window.

"A little help, Carlisle?" I begged.

Carlisle raised a perfect eyebrow at me.

"Hey I love my son Bella. I do. I am, however, also the father of a daughter and I can't blame your father for his frustration. Edward had it coming. I'm actually tempted to help him," He chuckled.

Charlie gave me a look that said 'see'.

oOo

EPOV

I had been sitting in the living with the moms for about an hour when I heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs.

I turned in my seat to see Charlie walking down the steps keeping his eyes trained on me. Bella followed closely behind him looking scared.

"Please don't do this dad," Bella pleaded.

"Bella, this isn't up to you. It's time I had a talk with the boy."

Charlie's eyes still remained locked with mine.

"Please daddy?"

Oh she was pulling out the big guns now; using the word daddy. I would have smiled at her trying to defend me had the situation not sucked so badly.

Charlie sighed heavily and turned to face Bella as he took the final stair.

"Calm down. I'm just going to have a talk with the boy," he said sounding a little defeated.

Bella relaxed the smallest bit and moved to sit next to her mother. She gave me a look I couldn't decide as Charlie called my name in a no nonsense tone.

"Yes sir," I responded with as much strength as I could.

I was pretty sure the airport wouldn't allow him to travel with a firearm but I wasn't sure if his badge could bend that particular rule. I didn't think so, but the thought crossed my mind.

"Let's take a walk," he said.

He turned away from me and went out the back patio doors.

I looked at my mom who looked a tad nervous but wasn't going to save me. Renee looked irritated and Alaina was actually laughing out loud.

I decided it was best not to keep him waiting so I excused myself and went to pay a part of my debt.

The door made more noise than I remembered from when I used it earlier. My shoes were loud as I stepped into the dark night.

"Sit down, Edward," Charlie called into the crisp air.

I was thankful I had made it upstairs to grab a shirt while Bella was with our fathers.

I sat down at the table and waited for him to begin. Charlie remained standing as he paced back and forth.

"Edward," he said my name with disappointment.

He really didn't need to say it any particular way. The fact that he said my name at all made me feel shame enough. Charlie had always called me son. He rarely ever used my real name since I first met him he referred to me as son and treated me as such.

"Yes sir," I mumbled.

"I know that my daughter is…an adult, and so are you. I don't want to get into your business but I'm going to. How could you hurt her like that? How could you just leave her without any explanation?"

I didn't know how to answer his question.

"Damn it Edward. You come to me and ask me for my daughter's hand and then a week later you decide she's not worth it?" Charlie spoke angrily.

"It wasn't about her," I defended quickly.

I realized quickly I had better continue when that vein in Charlie's forehead began to throb.

"I panicked Chief. I realized what it would mean to lose her and I panicked," I said feeling pathetic.

Charlie sat quietly for a few minutes. I was getting antsy.

"Can we get this over with now?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I would defend myself or not.

He gave me a strange look and then rolled his eyes.

"If you think I'm going to do anything to have both Bella and my wife that angry with me then you must think I'm as stupid as you are." He laughed to himself.

I didn't laugh.

It was quiet again before Charlie cleared his throat.

"When you came and asked for my blessing to marry my daughter I gave it proudly. Despite my attitude toward anyone dating Bella I had always hoped that you would be my son one day. When I told you if you ever hurt her I'd kill you, I only said it because that is what a father is supposed to say. I never actually expected it to be necessary. You're not the man I thought you were Edward."

He gave me one last look as he walked back inside the house.

I sat there at the table alone going over what was said. Charlie, like always, was direct and to the point. To Emmett or Jasper it probably would seem like I had gotten off easy but Charlie wasn't a stupid man. What he had said left more of an impact than any punch he could have thrown.

I'm not sure how long I sat alone before Bella stepped outside wrapped in a blanket.

"They've finally went to bed," she said as she sat down next to me.

"Thanks." I mumbled not meeting her gaze.

"I'm sorry about Dad," she said meekly.

"He needs to realize we're adults and it's not his place to fight my battles for me."

"If we had a daughter I would do much worse to someone who hurt her like I did you," I said honestly.

"Wh..what?" Bella stuttered.

I looked at her confused.

"I said if we had a-" I froze realizing what I had said.

"Shit, I didn't mean…"

"It's funny how things don't work out," Bella sighed as she stared up at the stars.

"Yeah," I mumbled feeling even worse than I had before.

"Let's go inside. I call the bed."

She forced a smile as we walked inside. The couch had already been converted and Bella climbed under the covers while I hopped on the loveseat. Out of habit I turned on the radio and turned the volume low knowing Bella always preferred to sleep with music on.

"You don't have to do that," Bella said into the pillow.

"It's not a problem. I know you sleep better this way," I said as I fidgeted on the too small sofa.

"Edward this would be a lot easier if you would stop pretending like you care," she said with exhaustion.

Before I knew what I was doing I was off the loveseat kneeling on the thin mattress of Bella's make-shift bed. I turned her chin so her eyes met mine.

"Please, please don't think I didn't or don't care. I may have been a complete jackass but there has never been a time since I met you that I didn't care," I begged her to understand.

She didn't.

She huffed and rolled back over so her back was facing me. I sighed heavily and decided to give up for the night and go to bed.

I moved back to the tiny loveseat, which was about half the length of my body. Getting comfortable wasn't going to happen tonight.

I stared into the darkness as my mind ran away from me.

I was happy in New York. I can't lie to myself and say that I didn't enjoy living what Tanya called a playboy life style. I had been with several hot women and avoided any real relationship and it was…fun.

I think the fresh air was screwing with my head. From the moment I had arrived back here I started to feel like something was missing. Did I really want what my brother and sister had?

I remembered a younger more naïve version of myself that had wanted all of that and more. Maybe it wasn't so naïve. My parents have been happy with each other for a long time. Then again I didn't have to wonder about what would happen to my Dad if Mom ever decided she didn't want to be with him anymore. It would destroy him. Was love really so great that it was worth that risk?

I glanced over at Bella's sleeping form and the question wasn't as easy to answer as it had been three days ago. God she was amazing. She was so different than the women I had in New York. She had class, intelligence, a sense of humor, the ability to destroy me.

I tried to shut off my brain and get off of this dangerous path. I tossed and turned angrily trying to find a place to put my legs that would allow sleep to find me.

"Oh for God's sakes will you just quit flopping around and get over here," Bella demanded in a sleepy tone.

Despite my wishes my voice came out as a squeak.

"What?"

"You're rustling around is going to keep me up all night. We're both adults. Just come over here and don't touch me."

Every red flag and warning buzzer went off in my head at once.

This was a bad idea. As much as I hated to admit it my resolve was already starting to crumble. There was no way I could be that close to her without losing what little I had left.

I couldn't be that close. I'd be able to smell her hair, feel her warmth, listen to her breathe.

My feet moved quickly as I hopped off the loveseat and slid under the blankets next to her.

Bella was asleep before I was even completely settled. It was about thirty minutes later when she started to mumble incoherent sounds.

Her mumblings got a little louder as I strained my ears to hear what she was saying.

"Edward."

My whole world seemed to light up.

She still dreamt about me.

God, I wanted her.

"Edward," she mumbled again.

I scooted just a tiny bit closer, careful not to break her touching rule. My heart soared as she mumbled my name again. I knew now that I had to make things right.

Maybe all we would ever be was friends. Maybe that was all I could ask but the fact that she was saying my name gave me some hope that maybe I could fix what I had single handedly destroyed.

She said my name one more time and my optimism grew. Maybe she could forgive me.

Then her leg snapped back and her foot slammed into my balls. Hard.

"Maybe not," I choked out quietly as I struggled to catch my breath.

It was going to be hard as hell, but tomorrow I would work on getting Bella to forgive me.

**A**/**N: I know this chapter was a little short, but the next will be a lot longer. This chapter was for all of you who have been aching to see Edward begin to pay for his mistakes. Happy Now? lol. **

**Who saw "Remember Me" this weekend? Thoughts? I won't spoil. It was a LOT different than I thought it would be but I loved it. Enough Rpatz grins to hold me over for a little bit longer. **

**Reviewers get teasers!**


	8. Your Winter

**A/N: Hello ladies! Hope everyone had a happy St. Patricks Day! If not, maybe this will make it a little bit better. Thanks to everyone who took the time to review last chapter. You guys crack me up! As aways, a huge thank you to Edwardrocksmysocks for her awesome Beta skills! **

**Stephenie still owns Twilight. Sister Hazel owns the song 'Your Winter', I just sing it every time I watch '10 Things I Hate About You'. **

Chapter 8

Your Winter

A warm arm was draped heavily across my side.

"Look Es, how sweet is that?"

A light breath fanned across my forehead.

"I'll get the camera."

Smooth skin rose and fell beneath my palm.

A flash of light permeated my eyelids.

"You have got to be kidding me!"

My eyes tried to open against the harsh light. My eyelids fluttered before giving up and welcoming back the peace of my dreams. Just as was about to drift into the deep realms of sleep. I felt my pillow pull me tighter into it.

"What the hell?" I muttered as I tried to sit up despite the force holding me down.

My eyes opened wide and I saw Edward lying shirtless next to me.

"Damn it, Edward!" I yelled as I shoved him away with as much force as I could muster.

He fell off the bed with a loud thud and a curse.

"What?" Edward demanded loudly.

I picked up my pillow quickly.

"I told you not to touch me." Each word was punctuated by a swing of the pillow at his head.

"God, will you ease up! I didn't know I touched you. I _was_ asleep!" he grumbled.

I was about to try and apologize for flipping out on him but I was interrupted by two grown women who can't leave well enough alone laughing behind me.

Renee and Esme were huddled together with a camera…fantastic.

"Oh come on Bella, you seemed quite content being snuggled up close to Edward," Renee said with a smile.

She was dead to me.

To Edward's credit he truly was trying _not_ to smile. I'm glad he's so happy that I still crave close proximity where he is concerned. I'm sure he's having loads of fun at my expense.

I didn't notice Rose standing behind the couch until she cleared her throat.

"What?" I snapped.

She cocked an eyebrow at me and put her hands on her hips.

"I don't know who you think you're talking to but you had better check your tone."

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Whatever, now get dressed. We've got a lot of things to do today," she said as she walked into the kitchen.

I scrambled to untie myself from the twisted blankets before following her.

She was sitting at the table eating a bowl of fruit when I finally made it to her. I made a beeline for the coffee pot.

"What are we doing today?" I asked timidly, as I poured extra sugar in my cup.

"Oh, we are going to have some fun today," she grinned.

That was one thing I had always loved about Rosalie. She could be furious with me one minute but once she said her peace, or yelled it, she was fine. There were only a few people who she had ever held a grudge toward for longer than a day. One of those people sauntered into the room while I sat down next to Rose.

"You need to get ready too Edward. We all have plans today," she said without even looking at him.

She pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket and began reading off all the things that had to be done.

"First we have to get manicures, pedicures, and eyebrow waxes. I need to make sure we have plenty of time before the wedding. I don't want to have to walk down the aisle with half an eyebrow or jacked up nails and have no time to fix it."

I sighed but let her continue.

"The guys have to get haircuts and try on their tuxes one last time…well for the first time for some I guess," she said narrowing her eyes at Edward.

"Then we pick those up. Go for lunch. Then I have to do a little shopping for the honeymoon. You need a dress for the rehearsal dinner. The guys need shoes. I have to check with the limo company to make sure everything is still a go for that. Then we come home."

"Oh gee, is that all?" I popped off.

"Careful with that mouth this morning Swan; Alice is already annoyed with me for not insisting that you get highlights done today."

I rolled my eyes.

"Where is the little demon anyway?" I asked.

Edward sat down next to me but didn't make eye contact.

"She's in the shower…with Jasper."

Edward pushed his plate away from himself quickly.

"Thanks Rose," he grumbled.

"Anytime," she said sweetly, smirking at her triumph.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked changing the subject.

"He went to pick up the van from the rent-a-car company," she replied.

I didn't like where this was going.

"Why do we need a van when there are more than enough vehicles to carry everyone?"

"Because I want everyone to ride together; we have a lot to get done and I need to make sure everyone is on task," she spoke with finality.

There was no point in arguing with her but I was not happy with the riding situation. I was already having difficulty trying to forget the way it had felt to have Edward's skin pressed against mine and now she was going to trap me in a vehicle with him. For someone who didn't want us together she sure was making this difficult.

Before long everyone was gathered in the front yard and piling into the van. We said goodbye to the parents—who all had their own list of things to get done—and took off.

Of course Emmett had to drive so Rose took shotgun. Alice, in her post coital bliss, insisted on sitting next to Jasper which left me sitting next to Edward in the third row seat of the ugly mom mobile.

The radio was cranked up loud playing an old mix CD that we all had a copy of at one point. Jasper had made it for us when we got back from a vacation with all of our families. I didn't even have a CD player at the time.

The fact that he had put this song on there always made me wonder if he knew about what happened between Edward and I on that beach.

As everyone sang along to Oasis I wondered if Edward was reliving the same memory. His lips barely moved as he whispered the words and stared out the window.

It had been our second night at his family's beach house in North Carolina.

**Flashback**

We had been sitting in the sand watching everyone else splash around in the blue water while 'Wonderwall' played in the background from an old weathered boom box.

It was getting late but we were deep in conversation. I told Edward how afraid I was when Mike Newton had asked to kiss me. I had faked strep throat and ran home to my mother.

When Edward asked why I was scared I told him that I was afraid I would be bad at it. I'll never forget the way he took my hand in his. He had leaned close telling me not to be scared before he lightly placed his lips against mine.

Looking back, the innocent kissed probably lasted all of three seconds, but in my thirteen year old mind time had stopped.

Afterwards he told me that I had nothing to be scared of because I was good at kissing. Then he pulled me up by my hand and we ran into the ocean to play with our friends.

**End Flashback **

"Can we take a walk when we get to the mall?" Edward asked me quietly pulling me out of my daydream.

I paused for a second, not really knowing what to say.

"I really think I've said all I have to say to you," I whispered.

"I haven't. All I'm asking is for you to listen to me. You don't have to say anything or do anything, just listen," he pleaded in my ear.

"Why can't you just leave it alone? This isn't about us. We're both here for Rosalie and Emmett. If you had anything to say you could have called me anytime in the past three years," I said harshly.

"We're here!" Alice chirped with glee.

"This isn't over," Edward said with determination before turning to move out of the van.

"Yes, it is," I said sadly.

I didn't think he had heard me but when he turned and looked back at me with a pained expression I knew my voice had carried.

The guys left to walk down to the barbershop while we headed into the salon. Rose was springing for all of us to get deluxe pedicures and solar nails. Alice was giddy but I couldn't get over the feelings of guilt as Edward's expression haunted my mind.

"Where was your mom this morning Rose?" Alice asked.

"She left early saying she had to go get my wedding present," Rose answered, flipping through an old issue of Cosmo.

They rambled on as I made sure to nod and answer any mundane question they threw at me. The tiny woman in front of me began rubbing some strange sea salt scrub on my calves but I couldn't focus on that or anything else.

My mind was on Edward. I'm not sure why I felt so guilty over what had happened. He didn't deserve my guilt. He left me. Not only had he left me, he had left without any real explanation or attempt to work out any problem we had. He didn't deserve my guilt. He's the one who should feel guilty.

"Holy mother of hell!" I screamed as my legs burned me back into the present. I jerked away from the lady who was rubbing some green mint lotion on my legs.

"What?" Alice and Rosalie both asked frantically.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

Apparently my pedicurist didn't speak a lot of English because she simply pulled my leg back and continued to rub the fire into my skin.

"You didn't shave this morning did you?" Rosalie asked as I debated the outcome of kicking this woman in the chest and running out of the salon.

"Yes," I squeaked.

"Oh honey. You never shave your legs the night before a deluxe pedicure, otherwise it burns," Alice said with a pat on my arm.

"Gee, you think!" I said angrily.

"Oh suck it up. It'll feel better once it stops hurting," Rosalie laughed.

"I hate you both," I growled through clenched teeth.

"I guess this is my punishment for blowing Edward off."

"What?" both girls spoke in unison again.

Crap, I hadn't realized I said that so loud.

"You blew my brother?" Alice asked with confusion.

Rosalie chuckled a bit as I sighed loudly.

I didn't want to talk to them about this but for some reason once I opened my mouth a flood began.

"No, I blew him off. He wanted to talk to me about…you know, everything that happened. I basically told him I didn't want to hear it and it no longer mattered. I mean what can I gain from listening to him now. It won't change anything and I don't want to revisit those feelings. At this point he can fry ice in hell for all I care."

I took a deep breath to keep the unexpected anger in check.

"Good for you," Rosalie said smugly.

I chanced a look at Alice and she was picking at her nails.

"What?" I asked.

I knew Alice wanted to say something.

"Nothing," She mumbled looking sad.

"No, you have something to say let's hear it."

I wasn't sure why I felt so much frustration brewing but I didn't want to take it out on Alice. I was just stressed.

She looked at me for a long moment before speaking.

"Don't you want to know?" She asked quietly.

I was relieved she didn't begin by trying to defend her brother, although I'm not sure I would blame her. He is her family.

"I know that if Jasper were to pull that kind of thing I would have to know why. Aren't you curious?" She hedged.

"Why does it matter?" Rosalie spoke for me.

"It matters because they were together for years and she deserves to know why," Alice said.

"It's been three years. Clearly if it was important she would have found out before now. He ran. There is no explanation that could justify that," Rose replied loudly.

"There has to be more than what she knows. I'm positive there is more to the story, something that could explain his stupid decision," Alice said in a pleading tone.

"Yeah Alice, I'm sure there is more than what we know. My point is, what the hell does it matter? What's done is done. He could have been temporarily inhabited by aliens for all we know but he's had three years to bring himself back down to planet Earth and explain himself to Bella. Whatever his excuse is, if he has one, is no longer valid. That shit has an expiration date," Rose ranted angrily.

I had watched them back and forth like a tennis match. I heard both sides of my mind speaking what I was feeling out loud.

I threw my arms up in between them.

"Enough!"

They looked at me surprised, though more at themselves than my outburst.

"You're both right. That's why this is so difficult. I'm just ready to do what I have to do for this wedding and get back home away from all of this crap," I sighed.

It took about two seconds before I realized how bad what I said sounded. No one could have missed the matching looks of sadness on my best friend's faces.

"I didn't mean it like that. I love being here and seeing you both. It has been way to long. Maybe we can actually put that skiing trip we've always talked about into effect this winter, just us girls."

This seemed to appease then both and we continued with our pampering in relative peace…and a little pain.

It wasn't long before the guys came walking into the salon freshly trimmed. Rose rolled her eyes when she saw them.

"Hair_cuts_, guys cuts. Jasper, Edward, what part of this is difficult to understand?"

They both shrugged their shoulders at Rose. It was clear they had barely allowed their hair to be trimmed, much less cut.

Alice gave me a wink. Obviously she wasn't upset about Jasper's hair staying long.

The guys sat and waited for us to finish up in the salon and then we piled back into 'Big Ugly,' as I had dubbed our mode of transportation.

Edward and I were once again seated next to one another as we ran all the necessary errands. I played with my phone while Edward tried on his tuxedo. If there was one image I didn't need fogging my already hazy mind it was Edward in a tux.

oOo

EPOV

"Dude, what's up with you?" Emmett whispered as we tried on our tuxedos in side by side dressing rooms.

"Nothing," I said coolly.

"Yeah, you're full of it. You've been moping since we left the house."

"It's nothing," I repeated.

"Fine," he huffed.

I knew he didn't believe me.

I took a good look at myself in the mirror. The tux fit perfectly. The ice queen did know a few things. I looked pretty good. I had a stroke of brilliance as I adjusted my tie.

Bella had once confessed that she loved the way I looked in a tuxedo. I decided I'd walk out and ask the girls if it looked okay, even though I knew it did.

My plan was shot down in flames as Bella kept her eyes glued to her phone the entire time Alice tugged and pulled on my jacket. She was intentionally not looking at me. I wasn't sure whether or not to be smug or depressed.

We had decided to get all of the running around done before lunch since we were ahead of schedule. Lunch was awkward to say the least. We all crammed into a too small booth and I was, of course, once again next to Bella.

The girls excused themselves to go the restroom. Jasper kept giving me strange looks and Emmett wasn't much better.

"Hello, what can I get you gentlemen to drink?" The waitress inquired with a smirk.

"I'll have a coke and my wife would like a glass of water," Emmett answered like the good husband he was.

A week ago I would have given him shit but right now I was just jealous.

"Can I get a sweet tea and a diet coke?" Jasper asked gesturing to Alice's spot.

"Sure, and what about you sweetheart?" She smiled.

"Oh we have to wait for Bella," Emmett realized.

"No, Bella will have water and a big bowl of lemons. Don't just bring one or two slices because she will ask for more and a straw is a necessity. I'll have a coke."

She nodded and excused herself to get our drinks. I turned to see Jasper and Emmett staring at me with slightly slacked jaws.

"What?"

"Nothing," they answered together like a couple of girls.

"Okay, Clapton, Buddy Guy, or Stevie Ray, you can only listen to one for the rest of your life, who'd it be?"

"Clapton," Emmett blurted out without a second thought.

Jasper and I both laughed.

"You're only saying that because that's the only one you really know," Jasper chuckled.

"No, I know all of them but there is a reason why he's the most popular," Emmett defended before breaking into the chorus of 'Rock and Roll Heart.'

"Enough," I laughed.

"Jasper, your turn."

"Buddy guy," he responded confidently.

"And you claim to be born in Texas? Nope, the correct answer boys is Stevie Ray Vaughn," I schooled them both.

"Edward get serious. He recorded for the shortest amount of time. You'd have a very limited selection of what to listen to for the rest of your life.

"Sorry Jazz, quality over quantity."

Just then I noticed Bella come walking slowly toward the table from across the restaurant.

"Ha, what would you know about quality, Edward?" Emmett laughed.

"Plenty," I sighed keeping my eyes locked on Bella.

I was going to talk to her tonight and fix what I could. I was done with quantity, I wanted her.

The girls joined us and the conversation turned to wedding details. I found myself imagining Bella in a white dress. The one she should have worn three years ago. I was an idiot. I would be lucky if we could be friends, much less anything else.

Our waitress returned with our drinks and Bella turned and gave me a small smile when a bread plate overflowing with lemons was placed in front of her. She began squeezing lemon after lemon into her drink while I watched her with amusement.

Only I would know why she did this. She hated water; _hated it_. She knew it was good for her so—whenever she went to a restaurant—she would order it but only with lots of lemons. I once asked her why she didn't just order lemonade. She looked at me like a crazy and said she didn't add sugar to her water therefore it was completely different.

I was the only man to ever know all the tiny details like this. The thought made me smileas soon as the thought occurred I was struck by an uglier one. Was I really the only one to know these things? I didn't think Bella had a boyfriend but was there someone in Florida that she had grown close to. Was there another man across the country biding his time waiting for her to return to him?

I was no longer hungry by the time the waitress returned with our food.

If Bella was involved in one way or another with someone else would that change how I felt or what I planned to do? I had to assume that if there was someone they couldn't be that close or else he would be here for her best friend's wedding. If she had found love with someone else would I be happy for her or try to show her there were other options.

I was getting entirely ahead of myself. We were barely friends right now. I wasn't in a position where I could worry about someone else taking the spot I once held.

The rest of lunch consisted of wedding talk and reminiscing about our younger days. I struggled to keep my eyes off Bella but she was making it difficult. Tiny moans escaped her lips as she ate her meal. I'd never been so jealous of a burger in my entire life.

We rode back to the house singing along to music filled with memories. Luckily, none of the songs were as painful as the ones we listened to on the way into town.

We continued our sing-a-long, laughing and having a good time. Before Emmett had time to register what was about to happen, an eighteen wheeler swerved in front of our car. Emmett slammed on the breaks and swerved the van.

In that split second Bella's face flashed in my mind. I turned my body and instinctively threw my arm across her, protecting her from harm.

The van careened off the road,into the rough ditch bouncing roughly as Emmett tried to avoid trees and keep us on four wheels. My arms stayed locked around Bella.

We finally came to a stop as Emmett cussed loudly and everyone let out a collective sigh of relief.

Bella's eyes met mine and they were filled with more emotion then I could process. I brushed a strand of hair away from her face and fought against the urge to pull her into my arms. I knew it was too soon to even attempt physical contact.

"Is everyone alright?" Emmett asked after regaining his composure.

We all choked out our versions of fine.

My eyes never left Bella's.

We all finally piled out of the van to check and see if there was any damage. We had a blown tire thanks to our off-roading but, other than that, the van was fine. The entire ride back was silent.

Emmett clutched tightly to Rose's hand, occasionally bringing her hand to his mouth to kiss it. It was odd to see Emmett display sweet acts of affection. He and Rosalie simply weren't that type of couple.

Jasper held on to my sister tightly keeping her head tucked into his chest. Bella and I sat awkwardly in the back seat. I wanted nothing more than to hold on to her and confess all of my mistakes and beg for forgiveness.

Life was short. Had Emmett not reacted as quickly or hadn't driven off the road with such precision that could have been the end of one or all of us.

Never once did I think of my life in New York and what I would be missing there. The only thing that filled my mind during those scary few seconds was of Bella. She was all that mattered. I just had to convince her to give me a chance.

As soon as we made it home—and piled out of the car—Alice bounded inside. All of the parents were gathered in living room. Alice ran to our Mom and threw her arms around her tightly. I think she was crying. Drama queen.

We all rolled our eyes as Emmett explained what had happened with extreme exaggeration of his driving skills.

"I'm going to go lay down," Bella mumbled as she turned to head upstairs.

"Is she okay?" Alaina asked with accusing eyes.

"She's fine," I sighed.

I flopped down on the floor and kicked off my shoes.

"Rough day?" Mom asked as everyone else broke into their own discussions.

"They're all rough," I said under my breath.

"What's that about? I thought you loved your life," she inquired.

"I thought I did too. I'm starting to wonder if I've really just been lying to myself."

Mom slid off the couch so she was sitting right next to me.

"I was wondering when you'd realize that?"

"Wait, how did you know I was unhappy if I didn't even know I was?"

She simply smiled at me.

"A Mom knows."

I laughed without humor.

"So what am I supposed to do about this?"

"Well the only thing you can do is try to talk to her. I'm not sure how it will go but you have to try," she said with an encouraging pat on my shoulder.

"She won't give me the opportunity. I've tried. She won't listen," I mumbled.

"Can you blame her?" She asked with raised eyebrows.

"No," I sighed.

She patted my leg and rejoined Renee's tales of Florida.

"Where's Bella?" Alice asked as she came back inside from the back yard.

"She's upstairs resting," I replied.

"No she's not. I looked upstairs, she's not outside either. All of the cars are still here so she must be around somewhere," she said trying to sound calm.

Renee looked frantic and Charlie was giving me a menacing glare.

"Calm down, she couldn't have gone far," Emmett spoke up.

"Where could she be?" Esme asked looking at me as though I had the answer.

I stared at her for a second before it hit me. I did have the answer.

"I know where she is. I'll go get her," I said.

Everyone gave me puzzled looks but I just shook them off.

"Why don't you just tell me where she is and I'll go get her. I'm sure she probably left to get away from you," Rosalie growled.

"Rose," Emmett said sternly.

"Don't Rose me, you know it's true," she said keeping her eyes on me.

"Rose, just give me a few minutes," I begged.

She nodded after a moment and I received warning looks from half the people in the room.

I walked out the back door and headed toward the edge of the forest. There was the faintest light shining from the tree house. Alice wouldn't have noticed it unless she had been looking for it.

I climbed up the ladder that was propped against the tree. Bella was sitting cross legged next to a candle looking through a photo album.

"I should have known you'd find me," she said as she flipped another page of the book.

"You shouldn't have come to our hiding spot," I smiled.

"Well now you've found me. You can go back inside. I'm just going to hang out here for a bit."

She gave me a forced smile.

"At the risk of sounding like a broken record, can we talk now?" I begged.

"No," she said sounding annoyed as she made her way toward the exit of the tree house.

"Wait," I pleaded as I grabbed her hand.

"Why won't you listen?"  
"Because I don't want to," she growled.

In an act of panic I stuck my leg out of the tree house and kicked the ladder down to the ground.

"Clever," she spat angrily.

"I thought so."

"It's not that high. I could jump," she said raising her chin up.

"You could but you won't."

I smiled.

She frowned.

"I just want you to listen to me. The day before I left you-"

"Do you remember the last time we were in this tree house?" She interrupted.

I nodded as I settled back against the wall to get comfortable.

"You had just turned twenty and we were house-sitting for my parents. We came out here to get high," I answered.

"I was freaking out because I had never smoked before. I was afraid I was going to have some type of weird hallucinations or bad reaction and I was going to get hurt or sick."

She laughed lightly at her naiveté.

I chuckled with her until she shot me an angry look.

"Do you remember what you told me?" She said through closed teeth.

I nodded minutely.

"You told me that I should trust you more than that. I should have enough trust in you to know that you would never let anything hurt me."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"You're sorry? You're sorry? What the hell does that change? Is your conscious clear now?" She asked through tears.

"When you left I lost more than a boyfriend. I lost my best friend, the kids we were supposed to have, the house we were supposed to build, a part of myself that only you knew. I lost everything. Why?"

She wiped angrily at the tears rolling down her cheeks. I fought against every fiber of my being and remained seated.

"Bella, the day before I left you I…I had planned a special day for us and was running around doing errands. I ran into my…Elizabeth."

"Oh my God why didn't you tell me?" She asked sounding genuinely concerned.

Then as quickly as it had appeared the concern was replaced by anger.

"She didn't even recognize me. She looked me in the eye and had no clue who I was. It rattled me worse than it should have. I needed to see you. I found you having lunch with Jacob after you had told me you'd be with Rose."

She opened her mouth to protest but I raised a finger begging her to let me finish.

"I know nothing happened, deep down I probably knew it the second I saw you. Despite that I felt like everything I had thought I knew was falling down around me. Then I went and saw Emmett. Rose had just up and left him after everything they had been through. I was scared. I loved you so much. I couldn't face the idea that you could leave me. It would have destroyed me so I ran before I could get hurt. I can't take back what I did. I wish I could but I can't," I choked out trying to keep my own tears at bay.

"It would have destroyed you? You always said you would protect me but you chose your own self-preservation over my pain. I would have never put my own well being over yours. I loved you," she cried.

"I know that now. I'm so sorry. I was weak and stupid," I said taking her hand in mine.

She flinched a little but didn't completely withdraw from my touch.

"Yeah you were."

"I'm not asking you to forget what I did. I'm only asking for a chance. I just need a second chance. I still love you," I admitted to her and myself.

It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders as the words left my mouth.

"Don't," she begged as her tears increased.

"Please, just give me a chance. We can start out as friends if you want. We can start slowly and see where things go. Please give me a shot," I begged.

We sat in the tree house in silence. The only sound was Bella sniffling and trying to stop crying.

"Please," I begged again.

She looked me in the eye and a small sob broke from her lips.

She shook her head slowly.

"No"

"No, I'm sorry I can't," she cried.

My whole world crumbled knowing that I had lost the best thing to ever happen to me and I would never get it back.

Before I could say a word Bella jumped out of the tree house and landed on her hands and feet. She picked herself up and ran into the house.

I had to follow her.

I flung myself from the tree and felt the impact of the short fall reverberate through my knees. I didn't notice anyone outside until a dark, angry, voice yelled from behind me.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" The voice growled.

**A/N:Uh-oh...Edward's in trouble! What do you think? Is Bella being bratty or should she have shoved him out of the tree and on to his...well you get the point.  
**

**Reviewers get teasers! **


	9. The Reason

**A/N: Hey ladies, sorry it's been a little while. RL is no fun right now. As always I want to thank you all for reading and reviewing. **

**Also a huge thanks to Edwardrocksmysocks for taking this chapter and making it readable, also for her reassurance with this chapter. I'm a little nervous about this chapter. You all seem so divided on how you feel about these two and I'm sure this chapter is going to seperate you even more. I can't wait! **

**Song for this chapter is "The Reason" by Hoobastank  
**

**You all know these are Mrs. Meyer's characters. I just have a little fun with them.**

Chapter 9

The Reason

I rushed inside passing all the questioning glances. I didn't want everyone to see me cry so I moved as quickly as I could upstairs to the guest room. My head pounded with frustration and information. There was so much that had to be processed.

I ripped off my shoes and threw them across the room. I pulled the ponytail holder out of my hair before crawling under the welcoming blankets of my bed.

Shit, this wasn't even my bed anymore. I was supposed to sleep downstairs. How was I supposed to face Edward tonight?

Seeing things through Edward's eyes made me understand his fear of abandonment. I understood his worry about what would happen if I did what his mother did or what Rosalie had done. I could understand how he felt seeing me with Jacob. What I couldn't understand was why he couldn't talk to me, lean on me, or come to me with his concerns like a damn adult instead of deciding he was the only one who was capable of feeling fear.

Like there hadn't been times I was afraid? Did he really think I didn't fill with worry when I would see another girl trying to flirt with him at a party or a restaurant or even a park? I knew how it felt to have concerns about your relationship but I never just ran like a coward because I couldn't take it.

I had always imagined him to be so strong and so bold. What a load of crap.

Now he expected me to start over again. What was I even supposed to do with that information? I knew that there was a time when things had been great between us. True, we had the occasional fight over stupid things like every couple did, but we never had any serious problems.

I couldn't go back to that though, not knowing what I know now.

The tears built as I thought about a time not long ago when I would dream about Edward coming to me like he did tonight and apologizing, begging me to take him back. Now that it had actually happened it wasn't what I had imagined.

A knock on the door pulled me out of crying bout and the jumble of thoughts that raced about wildly in my brain.

"I'm fine. Go away," I lied, trying to hide the strain of tears in my voice. I buried my face deeper into the pillow trying to force the darkness to cover up the pain.

The door cracked open loudly but I didn't look to see who it was. I kept my eyes closed as I willed my pillow to make me invisible. I was expecting way too much from simple bedding.

The bed dipped down under the weight of someone and a warm body scooted closer wrapping an arm around me.

I knew it was Alice from her petite frame. She pulled me close to her so that my head was resting in the crook of her shoulder. For someone so small she had an overwhelming presence.

"Why do I still care? It's been three years Ali, I shouldn't still care, right?" I mumbled into her shirt.

"Bella, do you really want me to answer that question?" she asked quietly.

"No," I sniffed.

"Okay," she said, stroking my hair.

"God he's such an asshole!" I yelled loudly.

I felt Alice's body shake lightly beneath me. I was tempted to yell at her for laughing at me but I didn't have the energy to be upset with anyone else.

"Well he is!" I defended.

"Cha…who are you telling? That jerk used to poke holes in my water baby every time I'd get a new one!" She whined sarcastically.

"You know he screwed me the night before he left knowing he was going to leave me," I said through my remaining tears.

"You think that's bad? When I was six he told me that—not only was I adopted—my real dad was the devil," she said looking shocked and appalled.

As I took in the expression on her face, I couldn't help the loud laugh that broke through my sobs.

"He really is a terrible person isn't he?" I chuckled quietly.

She was silent for a moment before speaking.

"No that's the sad part; he really isn't." Her tone made me realize she too was hurting over what had happened between us.

"I know," I sighed.

"So what happened? What did he say?" She asked with the smallest hint of hesitation.

I told her about everything that was said in the tree house, not really caring if I was breaking Edward's trust. He had broken mine a long time ago. She listened intently and didn't interrupt which was definitely a huge feat for Alice.

After I was done she wrapped her arms tightly around me.

"That sucks Bella," she said quietly.

"I know. The way I see it I just have a few more days then I will be home free. I will be a thousand miles away from all this drama."

She didn't respond with words; she just stayed with me. I had almost dozed off when the door to the guest room was slammed open.

"Dinner's ready!" Alaina's loud voice called.

Alice and I both sat up quickly having been startled by the unexpected intrusion. Alaina took one look at my red, puffy eyes and opened her arms for me. I stood up and accepted her kind gesture. She squeezed me tightly and said she was sorry. I went to pull away from her but she held on to my hands.

"I want you to listen to me Bella. I'm going to give you some advice my mother once gave me," she said sounding so confident I couldn't look away. Her eyes shone with a type of nurturing spirit that I had rarely seen from her. She took a deep breath before placing her hand on my cheek and giving me a small smile.

"Honey, shit happens. Put on you big girl panties and deal with it like a woman." She patted my cheek twice before smiling and walking out the door.

I stood in shock. The only sound in the room was the hysterical laughter coming from Alice's shaking body.

It took me a minute to sort through muddled thoughts before I joined Alice in her chuckles. Alaina was right. I was too old to be hiding in a bedroom avoiding life by wallowing in three year's worth of self pity. I had already given myself this pep talk but I knew now that I meant it. I was positive, because now I was willing to talk to Edward and get the closure I needed.

"Come on, Ali. Let's head down for dinner."

EPOV

_I flung myself from the tree and felt the impact of the short fall reverberate through my knees. I didn't notice anyone outside until a dark, angry, voice yelled from behind me. _

"_Where the hell do you think you're going?" The voice growled. _

I ignored the voice and ran toward the house. I had to catch her. I had to talk to her. I was almost on the deck when I was jolted back by a strong force from the collar of my shirt.

"What the hell?" I yelled loudly as I turned and met the eyes of my new ex-friend.

"Sit down," Jasper said in a calmer voice than he had used earlier.

"I have to get to her, Jasper," I growled as I jerked free from his grasp.

"No, what you have to do is sit your ass down on this bench before you fuck everything up worse than you already have," he spoke slowly.

I looked at the glass door and back at him twice before I decided that, if my past was any indication, I was better off not acting on my impulses. I took a seat on the bench and dropped my elbows to my knees. My hands ran through my hair as I tugged roughly at the roots.

"What am I supposed to do man? You're supposed to go after them aren't you? I need to talk to her. I have to make her see," I whined.

Jasper laughed darkly.

"I…I…I…will you listen to yourself, Edward? God what the hell happened to you?" He demanded angrily.

I stared at him dumbfounded. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you. When did you become such a selfish bastard? You were never the one to put what you want above everyone else needed, especially Bella. Do you know how hard it was for me and Emmett to compete with you?"

"What do you mean compete?" I asked confused. It was easier to address this right now than his complete and honest attack on my character.

He rolled his eyes at me and scoffed loudly.

"Edward sent Bella flowers at work today, just because. They complete each other so perfectly. Do you look at me the way he looks at her?" Jasper mocked in an annoying feminine voice.

"You were perfect for her. You worshipped her, right up until…you didn't. So again I'll ask, when the hell did you become such a self-centered, selfish, bastard?"

"I don't know," I mumbled pathetically. "The thought of losing her was more than I could take."

Jasper ran his hands across his face roughly. "You really are stupid aren't you? You _did_ lose her you jackass. You _chose_ to lose her."

"You don't think I know that?" I yelled. "I am well aware of how _stupid _I am…was. I'm trying to fix it and sitting here getting chewed out by you is not helping me fix it."

"Well you running up there and pressuring her more isn't going to fix it either," he said casually as he leaned against the back bench and threw his elbows over it.

"Look, the way I see it is the best you can hope for right now is her friendship. To tell you the truth, you'll be damn lucky if you get that much but if you don't let her come to you when _she_ is ready to talk then you have already lost, brother."

"I'm screwed aren't I?" I mumbled.

"Oh, most definitely," he laughed.

"I can't live without her Jasper," I said honestly. The truth of the words surprised even me as they left my mouth.

"Why not?" he asked nonchalantly.

I stared at him trying to figure out what he was asking. His eyes didn't leave mine.

"What?" I asked with less patience, after a moment of silence.

"Why not?" He said, annunciating both syllables clearly.

"How am I supposed to answer you Jasper?" I asked confused.

"It's not about answering me. Pull your head out of your own ass for a second and look at things from her point of view. You leave without a word effectively destroying any trust she had in you. You don't so much as call her for three years, instead choosing to whore yourself around New York, then you show up here and try to start something up with her. So I ask, why can't you live without her? You better figure out the answer to that question now, because I guarantee she's going to question your motives."

I sat slack jawed while I processed everything he had said. I sounded like an even bigger douche than I had originally thought.

"Dude…I don't know. I don't know how to explain it," I finally said.

"Well you better try because-"

"She's everything man. Just seeing her even if she's not speaking to me, makes me feel more alive than I have in years. But when she does speak it's like nothing else matters. I would do anything to see her smile like she used to. I know I could make her smile like that if I had the chance. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I walked out on her but I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her," I said quickly, honestly.

"Well then I think-" Jasper began.

"Man and when she laughs, I swear to God it's like some cheesy movie shit. The sun shines brighter, birds sing. I don't even like birds, but it's so perfect. Dude she's it for me. She's what I want to wake up to every day, morning breath and all. She's smart, she's beautiful, she's funny, she's perfect for me. I know I sound like a pathetic sap right now but that's the beauty of it. I simply don't give a damn anymore. I mean I'm scared shitless, but I'm sure that she is it for me. What do I do man? I need her."

Jasper sat quietly for a moment.

"Are you sure you're done now Nancy?" He laughed.

I couldn't even get mad at him because truly I had gushed like a little girl.

"Yeah man, go ahead," I said in a voice that may have been an octave or two deeper than my normal voice.

"It's going to take time man. You have to be patient and pray she'll forgive your sorry ass," he said with a pat on the back.

"I just need to make her see. Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

He took a deep breath through his nose and looked at me for a moment.

"In courtesy I'd have her chiefly learned; Hearts are not had as a gift but hearts are earned," he said in his professor voice.

"Pompous ass," I said with a smile.

"Actually it's Yeats," Charlie said from behind us causing me to jump. How long has he been here?

"I didn't know you knew poetry, Chief?" Jasper chuckled.

Yeah, I'm probably about to get shot and he's laughing.

"I don't. I just know that one. Do you mind if I have a talk with Edward for a moment Jasper?" Charlie told more than asked.

Jasper stood up instantly and gave me a slightly sympathetic look. "No problem sir. Don't be too hard on him Chief. He knows he's the dumbest man to ever walk God's green earth."

I heard Charlie grunt in response before he sat down next to me. The only sound around us was the closing of the glass door that signaled Jasper's departure.

"How long have you been out here, sir?" I asked confused on how I could have missed his entrance.

"Long enough," he answered vaguely before we fell back into the awkward silence.

"She'll forgive you son," he said quietly. My head snapped up at whiplash speed. He was looking anywhere but at me.

"Wh..wha…what?" I stammered like a pre-pubescent boy asking to cop a feel.

"She'll forgive you. If she loves you like I think she does, she doesn't have a choice," he said still not looking at me.

"Charlie, Chief…Sir. With all due respect I don't know how you can know that for sure," I said trying not to believe him and get my hopes up.

"I know my daughter. Bella is a lot like me. I know she still loves you but she's stubborn and you hurt her. I can't pretend to know how far that forgiveness will take you two but I know she misses her best friend," he said gruffly.

I had so many things I was dying to ask him and talk to him about but I could tell he was already uncomfortable with this discussion so I decided to help him out like he had done for me."

"Thank you, sir. Could you tell my mom I went for a ride? I need to sort some things out."

Charlie stood up and tugged on the waistband of his jeans.

"Sure kid," he said before turning to go inside.

With his hand on the door handle he turned back to face me.

"Oh and Edward?"

"Sir?"

"This isn't baseball. You don't get three strikes. Next time, they won't find the body."

"Yes sir," I mumbled as he closed the door behind him.

I sat alone on the bench for a while longer, thankful to have peace and quiet. Finally, I got up, walked around the house and swung my leg over my bike. I threw on the helmet I hated and brought my motorcycle to life. I knocked the kickstand up with my foot and took off into the sinking sun. I drove for hours down roads I hadn't traveled in longer than I could remember. It amazed me how I still remembered each curve of the road. Every untended rough spot in the road was still stored somewhere in the back of my mind.

The familiar smell of the trees filled my senses while I pulled back harder on the gas. The damp air which had been my life source for years felt welcomed and missed. It was all so beautifully familiar and she was there in it all.

I remember being a teenager and how the tall trees felt as though they were caging me in. The grass was my bare cement floor and high school seemed like a large cell. I wasn't truly unhappy here but at that age the small town felt to me—and most others my age—as a type of prison. We would all discuss our released date and what we were going to do when we got out. I had longed for freedom from this place, desired to see the world.

Bella wanted to go the University of Washington so we did. I never resented her for that. She would have supported whatever I wanted to do but I was truly content to just be with her. At the time even Seattle seemed like a release from the confining pine walls of Forks.

Driving through this place now, everything felt different. The tall trees felt like protection and safety. The grass was beautiful upon living for years seeing nothing but actual cement. The high school was a symbol of a time of happiness. This place wasn't the prison I had believed it to be in my youth. It was home.

I drove around my old town for a while, probably waking up the cranky old neighbors. In New York this would be considered early but Forks shut down at eight every night, six on Sundays. I was getting low in gas so I decided to head back the house, knowing every gas station was already closed.

When I pulled up the driveway the only light that was shining was coming from the living room. I expected to see everyone gathered around a board game or watching a movie but when I opened the door the only one there was Bella. She was sitting cross-legged in the center of the pullout couch. The blankets still made perfectly as though she hadn't tried to lie down yet. Her eyes looked tired.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," I replied like a moron.

"Everyone turn in early tonight?" I asked as I undid my helmet and placed it on the chair beside me.

"Yeah, busy day tomorrow, wedding rehearsal and bachelor parties," she said nervously, shrugging.

"Why aren't we doing one of those the night after next? It seems like a lot to cram into one evening," I asked. I really didn't care when Rose wanted the parties I was just talking in hopes of combating the stagnant tension.

"Um, Rose said she doesn't want anyone hung over at her wedding, and she wants to just be able to relax the day before. I don't know," she said before biting her lip.

"Oh," I said dumbly.

"Yeah," she replied. God we were brilliant.

"I'm going to go change," I said as I grabbed my bag that was on the stairs and went to the bathroom. When I came out in my pajama pants Bella had tossed a couple pillows and a blanket on to the couch I would be sleeping on.

"Thanks," I said gesturing to the fresh bedding.

She gave me a small smile in return.

"Do you want to talk?" She asked meekly. I stared at her for a moment trying to figure out if she was serious.

She exhaled loudly before squaring her shoulders and sitting up taller.

"No, scratch that. I'm going to talk," she said in a bold tone.

I nodded my head for her to continue.

"This wasn't supposed to be us…but it is," she began with determination.

"We were supposed to move forward with all the things we planned but then it was like you just—for lack of a better word—chickened out. You left me. Worse than the fact that you broke up with me was how you did it. You just up and left, like I had never meant a damn thing to you." The resolve in her voice was fading as she spoke.

"Bella, I-"

"Let me finish. I don't hear from you for years, Edward, _years_. Then you all of a sudden show up here and I'm supposed to just forgive you? As if that's not already too much to expect from me you also expect me to consider a relationship with you. Are you out of your mind?" She asked with sad eyes.

I could see her fighting with her voice to keep it from cracking. I had to fight with my legs to keep myself on my own sofa.

"God I loved you so damn much," she choked out as the tears began pouring down her lovely face. The internal battle I had been having with myself to stay put ended in that moment as moved swiftly to her.

She was still sitting in the middle of the couch so I slid in behind her bringing her back flush to my chest, my legs on either side of hers. I ran my hands up and down her exposed arms and felt relief when she didn't turn and shove me away.

"I'm so sorry Bella, so, so sorry," I whispered near her ear.

"I can't do it again, Edward. I wish I could. You have no idea how badly I wish we could have a second chance but we can't," she cried.

"I'm so sorry for what I did Bella," I whispered again. I wasn't giving her excuses or trying to make her change her mind now. I just needed her to know.

"I know you are. I know you well enough to know that much, but it doesn't change anything," she said sniffling.

"It hurt so bad you jerk," she said a little too loudly for this late at night. I was too distracted by her volume to notice her elbow jerk back until it nailed me in the ribs.

"How could you, you asshole?" She said flailing her other elbow back into my unbroken ribs.

I wrapped my arms around her tighter.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,." I said into her ear as she cried and thrashed her body in my arms.

"Let me go! You should be good at that!" She sobbed more than said, then her body stilled. Hearing her words and the pain in her voice made my own tears begin to fall.

"God, Bella I love you. Please can we just be friends. I know it's selfish but I need you in my life in whatever way I can have you. I can never apologize enough," I spoke against her ear lobe.

Her body moved lightly from her crying but she didn't acknowledge me; didn't respond to my request.

"I'm sorry," I whispered once more. I'm not sure what happened next, or why I did it, but the next thing I realized my lips were pressed softly to Bella's neck.

I sucked in sharply and heard her do the same. I braced for another shot to my side but she didn't move. My head was still next to hers and once again I found myself placing a gentle kiss below her ear.

"I'm so sorry," I said through tears.

I kissed her shoulder.

"I'm sorry"

The smell of her hair assaulted my nostrils in the best possible way.

I don't know what I was thinking. She had finally stopped with the sobs that were ripping my heart out and was now just sniffling.

Her skin tasted so good, sweet, warm and familiar.

I kissed her throat again and she leaned her head back against my chest.

"I'm sorry." I murmured against her skin. I meant it. She shuddered a bit and then turned to face me. She sat on her knees, between my thighs.

"Please stop," she demanded quietly as she rested her forehead against mine.

"We can't. I can't."

"I know," I sighed. "I just want to be your friend again. I'll take you however I can get you."

She nodded her head in consent.

"I'm so tired of being angry. I can forgive what you did, but I don't think I can forget it."

"I understand," I said with some strange mix of hope and defeat.

"I know this is way over the line but do you think you can just stay here like this for a little while, just until I fall asleep? Friends can hold each other when they're upset right?" She spoke as if she was asking herself more than me.

I just nodded and she turned back around. I leaned back against the couch and she leaned against me. I stayed awake listening as her breathing grew steady.

This was as close to heaven as I had been in years.

**A/N: Okay...um...well I know at least a couple of you had to have liked what happened between B&E right? To those of you who are not as...supportive of Edward, I promise he is not out of the woods yet, by any means. Let me know how you feel, please. Reviewers get teasers.**

**Oh a bit of Twilight news that I'm sure you've all heard. SM is posting a free "book" online. It is, apparently the story of Bree. I'm a little bummed it's not MS but I'll probably read it. What do you think, will you be reading it?**


	10. Something to Talk About

**A/N: Okay, I'll be quick since I made you all wait so long. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, you guys are amazing and keep me laughing and motivated. Lots of Love to Edwardrocksmysocks for making this work readable! You rock girl!**

**You all know Stephenie still owns Twilight, right? Good. Now Enjoy.  
**

Chapter 10

Something to Talk About

BPOV

"So that's what happened," I explained looking up towards the mirror to see my two best friends staring at me with completely different expressions.

I had spent the last twenty minutes filling them in on my conversation with Edward last night. They had stayed surprisingly quiet throughout most of the tale.

Alice had been fixing my hair for the rehearsal dinner while Rose sat on the bathtub shaving her legs.

I sat quietly examining their faces waiting anxiously for one of them to say something.

Alice looked crushed while Rosalie's face wore a mixture of disgust and amusement.

"He's got some nerve," Rosalie said with dripping disdain.

"Yeah, I guess," I mumbled quietly. That wasn't exactly how I had viewed Edwards's words.

"It was really more sad than anything else. I mean I know how good things were between us and I still know him well enough to know how he's feeling. He's being genuine. He really is sorry," I sighed.

"So what," Rosalie said loudly. "What good is it that he's sorry now? How can he expect you to just get over it?" She clearly wasn't as eager to forgive as she thought _I_ was.

"I don't think it's like that. He didn't expect me to just flip a switch. He understood my hesitancy. He was just putting his feelings out there," I defended lightly.

"I think he made his feelings perfectly clear, three years ago. You're better than this Bella. You deserve better than this, than him," Rose said not looking up from the shaving cream on her legs.

"I know that Rose," I said trying not to clench my teeth.

I don't know why her words bothered me so badly but they definitely struck a nerve. She was only voicing thoughts that were already in the back of my mind but a weak part of me—that I didn't want to show—did not like her talking negatively about Edward.

"I'm not giving him another chance okay? You asked me what happened and I told you," I said.

"Okay, okay," she sighed raising her hands in defense. "Alice you've been awfully quiet. Don't you have anything you want to say?" Rose questioned.

"Um, not really," she sighed.

"That's a first," I mumbled.

"I just don't want to get in the middle of things between my brother and my best friend," Alice said with a shrug.

"Since when?" Rosalie laughed.

Alice took a deep breath before speaking.

"Fine, if you want to know what I feel then I'll tell you. I'm really surprised that, after everything that you just told us, you're not going to give him another chance," Alice said quietly as she pulled my hair back away from my face.

Rosalie and I both gaped at her for a minute before she defended herself.

"I'm just saying, clearly he knows he made a huge mistake. That is obvious. Are you really going to punish him and yourself for the rest of your life?"

"Excuse me?" I asked as I swatted her hands away from my head and turned to face her.

"Look, I'm not saying you don't have a right to be upset. You do. What I'm getting at is you know you are meant to be together. He's finally realized that and opens up to you and you're just going to deny him out of spite." Her tone was gentle even if her words weren't.

"This has nothing to do with spite, Alice. I _don't_ know that we're meant to be together. He had his chance. I'll be his friend but how can I trust him again?" I asked with venom saturating my voice.

"She's right, Alice. He's an asshole and he doesn't deserve her. If Emmett just up and left me without a word we'd be done, end of story," Rosalie said.

Alice laughed darkly to herself.

"What?" Rose demanded.

"That's rich coming from you, Rose. Didn't you just walk out on Emmett over some stupid argument? When would you have come back to him if he hadn't gone after you? You left him once Rose and he forgave you," Alice said stepping closer to her.

"It's not the same thing," Rosalie and I said at the same time.

I tried to ignore the implication that things may have been different now had I gone after Edward. I didn't know if Alice intended for her statement to come out like that.

"What's so different then? People make mistakes, it happens. How is this any different?" Alice asked loudly.

"I wasn't gone for three damn years!" Rosalie yelled.

"Hey, everybody calm down," I demanded.

"Do we have a problem here ladies?" Alaina's head peeked into the bathroom.

"No ma'am," Alice and I mumbled. I sat back down to let Alice work on my hair as she shot me a somewhat apologetic smile but I could tell she didn't regret what she said.

"Yeah we do," Rose said calmly. Alaina breezed into the thankfully large bathroom followed by my mother and Esme.

"What seems to be the trouble girls?" Esme said as she sat a bottle of opened champagne on the sink next to me.

I greedily picked it up and drank from the bottle. I didn't care that it was only three o'clock. I'd have a glass of orange juice when we got done and call it a mimosa.

I heard Renee click her tongue at me but I ignored her.

"Edward told Bella he wants another chance to be with her," Rosalie stated. She ran the razor up her shin and raised an eyebrow at her mom who was now sitting on the edge of the tub with her.

For the first time ever I managed to get a word out before Alaina.

"Guys, I'm sure Edward would not appreciate me discussing this with everybody," I sighed.

"Who cares?" The women chimed together like some type of creepy cheerleading squad.

"Are we still talking about this? You two are not Ross and Rachael. This will they, won't they,stuff is wearing on my nerves. Listen honey, I know the boy is sex on legs but seriously you can't waste anymore time worrying about him. You know the old saying; _there are a million dicks in the sea_," Alaina said in a serious voice.

I couldn't help but laugh watching Renee hit Alaina in the arm as the women cackled together.

"There might be, but have you seen that boy? If I was younger and single…" Renee said dreamily.

_Ew_

"Ew," Alice said, voicing my own thought out loud.

"Hey, that is my son ladies; can we clean it up a bit?" Esme said with a laugh.

"You're no fun," Alaina pouted.

Esme just shot her a smile.

"Excuse me can we focus on the issue at hand?" Rosalie begged. "Edward sent this relationship straight into the crapper, the end. There is no going back," she finished as though her word was law.

"Ow," I yelled as Alice's grip on my hair tightened painfully.

"Sorry," she said quietly.

"Ah, to be young enough to be unforgiving," Renee sighed.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Rosalie asked, her defensive nature was coming out quite a bit today.

"It means that at your age it's easy to get hung up on failures and shortcomings. You expect perfection and demand that every relationship fit into some cookie cutter image of what you expect it to be," Renee said as though she was talking to a child.

"I do not-" Rose began before Renee cut her off.

"Everyone screws up. I'm not defending what Edward did. It was wrong, but sometimes we have to forgive things for the greater good. In this life, you can either be right or be alone. Is there a woman over thirty-five in this beautiful decorated bathroom who never got mad enough at her husband, if only for a moment, to consider leaving him?" Renee questioned.

The women all looked at each other and none of them spoke.

"My point exactly. You might be justified in not talking to Edward anymore but would you rather be without him and be justified and safe or would you rather be with someone who loves you and take the risk?"Renee asked gently.

My mother's words pummeled me and I found myself more confused than I already was.

"I…don't know," I mumbled like an idiot.

"Bella, Edward is my son, _but_ if you didn't still love him I would tell you to flip him the bird and move on. But honey, you do love him. You two have been destined to be together since you were children. That doesn't just go away," Esme smiled.

"Who says we're meant to be together?" I snapped at the entire room.

"Because we were best friends when we were kids? So what, this is Forks. It isn't like I had a huge selection. Is it because we were high school sweethearts, so to speak? How many people do you know that are still with their young loves. Is it because our parents are friends so you all just want us to be together out of convenience? If so then that's just…just…Bullshit!" I said loudly.

"No!" Alice yelled with more force than I thought her body could muster. I jumped loudly at her explosion.

"It's because he loves you. He called me every day the first month after you broke up to ask me if you were okay. He was young and scared and knew he made a mistake. It's because you love him. Have you seriously dated anyone else since you two broke up?" Alice asked loudly with her hands on her hips.

I didn't answer. I just stared at her reflection in the mirror.

"I can tell every time we talk about you going on a date that you compare whoever you're with to Edward even if you don't come out and say it." Her voice was beginning to crack and I was torn between hugging her and slapping her to snap her out of her rant.

"I…" I tried to interject.

"You're meant to be together because you two know each other better than anyone else. If you weren't supposed to be together, why would this still be so hard on you this many years later? He still carries…you know what? Never mind. God you are both a mess!" Alice threw her hairbrush across the counter and stormed out of the bathroom with tears in her eyes.

"Wow, dramatic much?" Rose questioned as she continued shaving.

All of our heads snapped toward her.

"What? What'd I say?"

oOo

EPOV

"Eight ball, corner pocket," Jasper called as he leaned across the pool table in the game room.

He sunk the ball and effectively won his second game in a row against me.

"Dude what the hell?" Jasper asked with a laugh as he took a long pull of his beer. "You suck"

"Thanks man," I said with an eye roll.

"Anytime. So you want to talk about?" He asked as he began racking the balls for another round.

"Depends, are you going to braid my hair and tell me who your celebrity crush is?" I joked to distract him.

"Ha-ha, funny man. So I'm taking it things didn't go so well last night," he said as he handed me a new beer.

"Better than I had any right to expect in all honesty," I said.

"Well-" he began but was cut off by my cell phone.

Jasper raised an eyebrow as "Big Poppa" by Biggie began blaring from my iphone.

I just smiled. It was Tanya's ringtone. She hated it. She was constantly trying to steal my phone to change her ringtone to something with "more class."

"What's up T?" I questioned with a smile as I stepped outside of the game room. I figured the call would be about business so I walked out into the front yard and sat down on the porch swing.

"We have a problem Edward," Tanya said sounding pissed.

"What do you mean a problem?" I asked nervously. I was instantly running through all my accounts in my head that I did not want to lose.

"I came over to your place today to water your plants and drop off you dry cleaning. When I got here your door was cracked open and I know that I locked it when I Ieft the other day," she said in one agitated breath.

"Okay, and…" I hedged.

"Well I wasn't going to go in there because you know I didn't want some robber to shoot my ass, but then I heard a female voice. I thought 'what the hell, I can take some random chick.'

"Tanya," I growled slightly. My apartment was being broken into and she was dragging this story out.

"Easy tiger, I'm getting there. So I walk in and follow the annoying voice all the way to your bedroom and who do I find? Freaking Jane rummaging through your stuff rambling about finding the invitation to Emmett's wedding. So I tackle her and she tells me that you invited her to the wedding but forgot to give her the address. I knew the skank was bat-shit so now I have her tied to one of your kitchen chairs and I just wanted to know if you wanted me to call the cops," she said nonchalantly.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath. What the hell kind of life was this? I didn't know what to do. I started pacing around the yard trying to decide the best course of action for this ridiculous situation.

"Don't call the cops, Tanya. Seeing as how you tackled her and tied her to a chair, I don't need you winding up with charges also," I sighed.

"So what do you want me to do?" She asked with irritation.

Before I had time to respond my stomach was shoved hard from a low force and I stumbled back, simply from the surprise. Alice stood over me fuming. Tears were streaked down her cheeks and her eyes were squinted in anger.

"Just take care of it please Tanya. I'll call you back later. Be sure to have someone change my locks. You'll get a bonus when I get back. Thanks, I owe you," I said quickly before hanging up.

"You really are a jerk, Edward. You know that right?" She spat.

"Yes," I said with firmness.

"It's all your fault. You two were supposed to be together and you had to go and hurt her the way you did. You realize you're lucky she's even speaking to you, right?" She asked still looking down at me.

"Yes."

"Do you have a plan to fix this?" She asked, in a slightly calmer voice.

"Yes," I said with some honesty. I had a couple of ideas I was hoping I would have the opportunity to execute but I wasn't entirely sure how I could pull it off without pressuring her or coming off as an ass.

"Good," she said with a huff before she turned and stormed back into the house.

I picked myself up off the wet grass and carried my ass back inside to join the rest of the men in the game room. My life sucked; if I could even call it a life. This is not the first time some woman I picked up has tried to force herself into my life.

It should have been clear to me a long time ago that the reason I still avoided any real relationship wasn't strictly fear but the idea that none of those women were the one that I was supposed to be with.

With an irritated disposition I let myself back into the game room to see all the men were now gathered around the pool table with matching brown bottles in hand.

"Something wrong?" Emmett questioned as I returned. I gave him half a smile and went to grab a drink.

"Just my life," I mumbled as I downed half of my beer.

I took a seat on a bar stool and watched Emmett and Jasper play a round of eight ball. They were about halfway into a new game when Emmett's phone rang.

He glanced at his cell and handed his pool que to me. "Here can you play for me?"

I nodded as he walked toward the corner of the large room to have his conversation.

I wasn't eavesdropping until I heard something that caught my attention and caused me to miss my shot.

"Yeah Bella will be there," he said with a laugh.

I tried to not look at him and focus on the conversation Charlie and Carlisle were having about the Mariners' season while Jasper took his shot.

"Yeah man. I'll see if I can help you out. I'm not sure how interested she is in a relationship, but you can talk to her. Yeah everyone will just meet up here around eight for us to head out for the party." His voice had lowered and I wondered if it was because of me.

"Well you know if you want a little more time to talk to her then you can come to the rehearsal dinner," he chuckled.

"None taken, trust me. Okay I'll see you at nine man," he chuckled again before hanging up.

He came back to reclaim his place at the table and I handed him his que without a word. It seemed fairly clear that this was an attempt to try and set Bella up. My own brother was trying to set someone up with the woman that I still had feelings towards.

"So uh…who was that on the phone?" I asked trying to sound casual.

"What?" Emmett questioned looking around. He was clearly buying himself time to come up with a lie.

"Who were you trying to set my ex up with?" I asked hiding my anger, poorly.

"It was Mike Newton. Do you remember him from high school?" He asked warily.

"Mike? Mike Newton?" I laughed loudly. I suddenly felt immense relief. There was nothing to be worried about. If memory served Mike wasn't a concern. He was a greasy faced, nerd with body odor and a lisp.

"Yes. What's so funny?" Emmett asked with a huff.

"Dude, why would you even attempt to hook Bella up with Mike? I mean she deserves better than that," I laughed again.

"Oh and you know what she deserves?" Emmett asked, far from teasing.

"As a matter of fact, I do," I defended angrily.

"Look man, I'm not pushing Bella into anything but if they take a liking to one another then so be it. She deserves to be happy. Besides, before you start laughing to hard I'd expect you of all people to understand how people can change over time," he said seriously.

I guess I deserved that. Clearly Emmett was not as open to Bella giving me another shot as Jasper had been. I'm sure Rosalie had something to do with his anti-Edward stance.

"Yes, I understand and I have changed. Since I've been home everything seems so different. I realize now what I want and what I need. I want Bella to give me a second chance; I need her in my life," I said pleading for him to understand.

"Over my dead body," he mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" I asked, standing a little straighter.

"You heard me. Edward you're my brother and I love you but who do you think you're kidding? I've heard all of your stories over the past couple of years and I have a pretty good idea of who you've become. You expect me to believe that in the span of a couple days you have changed your entire outlook on life. Get real, man," he said coldly.

I wasn't sure if I had been more offended in the entire time I had been here. I felt like the air was knocked out of my lungs. I expected the support of my own brother.

"Yeah as a matter of fact, I do. Why would you think I'd lie?" I asked.

Emmett took a deep breath and ran a rough hand over his face.

"Edward, I'm not saying you're lying. I'm saying that you may think things are different but maybe it's just the geography. What happens in a couple days when you're back in New York and Bella is in Florida? You're going to go right back to the old…new…whatever Edward that you were a week ago. She deserves better than that. She deserves better than you," he said sadly.

I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I couldn't argue that Bella didn't deserved better. She deserved the world. I refused to believe that what Emmett said about geography was true but the fact that it was something that hadn't entered my mind did throw me for a small loop.

"You don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled like a buffoon.

"Dude sometimes if you love something you set it free," he said and then nodded at his own thought.

"And if it was really love it'll come back to you," I finished for him.

"What? No. You let it go because you know it's better off without you. What good would letting it go be if it was just going to come back to you? I don't know where you get this stuff man," he said while shaking his head as though there was something wrong with me.

I couldn't help but laugh at him as we rejoined Jasper near the table. We carried on with our fun without any more discussion of my love life.

I probably could have put in the time and effort to talk to Emmett and convince him that I had finally pulled my head out of my ass and realized Isabella Swan was it for me.

I could have told him about how a day had yet to pass where she didn't cross my mind.

I could have convinced him that it wasn't the familiarity of this place, but rather Bella alone that was making me completely reevaluate my lifestyle but frankly I didn't care anymore.

I knew there was some serious opposition toward Bella and I being together in this house but the only concerns that mattered to me were Bella's. My only concern was to make sure that _she_ knew how much I care about her. I wasn't worried about convincing Rose, Emmett, or even my father that I was not the same person who had arrived here a few days ago. Bella was all that mattered.

"Oh guys, I…um...well I forgot to tell you. There has been a change of plans," Emmett began nervously.

Jasper and I both stopped our conversation about the new corvette and turned to face Emmett.

"We're not going to a strip club." He said quickly.

"What? Why?" Jasper whined.

I couldn't help but laugh at him. I know he loves my sister more than life but he is definitely a guy.

"Well, with doing the rehearsal and dinner tonight, Rose and I didn't think we'd have enough time to make it to Seattle so we're just going to hit up some of the local bars in Port Angeles tonight. Besides, in all honesty I have yet to see a stripper at any club that compares to my woman," Emmett said with pride and fear of our reactions.

"So we're going with the girls for your bachelor party?" Jasper asked with some cheer.

"Um…yeah, sorry Eddie," Emmett said quietly.

I was thrown off for a minute then I realized how differently I felt about things now that Bella was back in my life. Had Emmett told me he was forgoing a traditional bachelor party for a joint night out with his wife and her friends a week ago I probably would have bitched and moaned about him being whipped and how badly this would suck.

Now, however, all I felt was excitement and relief.

"No worries, man. Sounds like fun," I smiled.

He looked at me like he wasn't sure he had heard me correctly, before continuing.

"Okay, well then we had better go and get ready for the rehearsal." He clapped his hands to punctuate his sentence. We all headed upstairs to our respective rooms to begin getting ready.

As I showered I thought over the plan that I had formed last night to try and make Bella mine again. I wasn't entirely sure that I wanted to put it into effect. Part of me really just wanted to respect her wishes for friendship and hope that eventually it grew to be more. Another part of me was anxious to have my heart back.

Hopefully—if all went well over the next two days—we could gain some of what we had lost.

I tried to push away thoughts of the future and focus on tonight. We were going bar hopping with the girls for the bachelor and bachelorette parties.

I would be put in a situation that involved alcohol, dancing, and Bella. This could go one of two ways.

It could either end beautifully or with my complete and utter humiliation.

There would also be another man there vying for the attention of my girl. That thought did not sit well with me so I simply envisioned the Newt getting a bad case of adult chicken pox.

Once I had showered and caught some updates on ESPN, I headed downstairs clad in the dress pants and long sleeve button up that my sister had laid out for me.

In the hour I had been upstairs the house had become overrun with caters and a few extra guests.

"Edward you look great." My mom smiled as she made her way over to me.

"Thanks. So do you." I kissed her cheek and sat down in the living room next to Reverend Cheney who would be officiating the service in two days.

"How have you been Edward? We've missed you at church," he said with an elbow to my arm.

I laughed knowing he was mainly teasing.

"I've been good. I've been living in New York," I said to make conversation.

"That's what your Mom said. So the prodigal son has returned home for the wedding." He laughed.

"How do you like it there?" He continued with a smile.

"I like it well enough," I said with what little enthusiasm I could muster.

As soon as the words left my mouth I caught a glimpse of Bella coming down the stairs. Her hair was pulled up in some sort of twist and she was wearing a beautiful black dress that hung on one shoulder. She was a vision as always.

"Although, I'm starting to realize there is no place like home." I smiled.

He followed my gaze then gave me a knowing smile.

"The skyscrapers in New York are nice, but it seems like you have a fondness for the scenery here."

I gave a sheepish smile at being caught and excused myself to greet Bella.

Emmett had woke me up early while Bella was still asleep to go run a few wedding errands and this was the first time I had gotten to speak to her all day. This had been one of the longest days I could remember.

"Is it alright if I tell you that you look beautiful?" I smiled. I wasn't sure if I was crossing the line or not but it needed to be said.

She blushed as she nodded slightly.

"You look stunning, Bella," I said as I kissed her cheek. Her skin felt warm beneath my lips and I reveled in the sound of her intake of breath. Yeah, this woman owned me.

"You don't look so bad yourself, Edward," she whispered.

We stood still for a moment looking at each other. Neither of us seemed entirely sure as how to proceed given our conversation last night.

"Okay everyone it's time to begin," Alice chimed loudly.

We all headed outside to where the ceremony would take place. There was an arch in place but the chairs had yet to be delivered.

The next hour was spent following the directions of Alice and the Reverend. We ran through the rehearsal a few times before Emmett's stomach dictated that it was time to eat.

Dinner was filled with nothing but talk of the wedding. All throughout dinner it seemed that neither Bella, nor I could keep our eyes off of each other. I would glance at her. She would glance at me. I would smile sheepishly, looking down at my food when she caught me while she blushed her signature red when I caught her. Our little exchange began to fuel a little glimmer of hope that I could possibly have another chance with her someday. I just needed to show her I could be trusted again.

Once everyone was feeling overly stuffed, the younger generation headed upstairs so we could all change into more appropriate bar attire.

I changed into jeans, un-tucked my shirt, and rolled up the sleeves to my elbows. It didn't take long so I got online and returned a few work related emails. I made it out of my room just in time to see Bella walk out of the bathroom.

If Bella had looked angelic before she looked like some type of sexy she-devil now. The black dress was gone replaced by a pair of painted on jeans and a black corset. Her hair was down in thick waves, probably caused by the up do she was wearing earlier. Her make-up was darker and sexy as hell.

It was amazing that I noticed any of this considering the heels she was wearing. My mind went from love to lust with the changing of her clothes.

She smiled at me as I offered her my hand. I was ecstatic when she accepted it and, together, we made it downstairs to join the rest of our family and friends.

Everyone was itching to go out as we waited for the rest of our group. I recognized a few of the faces as they staggered in.

Angela and Ben Cheney showed up first. They were a couple we had gone to high school with and apparently Angela now worked with Rose.

We were also joined by Eric and Tyler, some guys that were also from Forks. I'm pretty sure that Tyler and Rose had dated at one point but I wasn't sure. Since we weren't going to be going too far most of Rose and Emmett's friends in Seattle wouldn't be making it to the party.

When the limo arrived we all decided to head outside and wait for Mike before we left. Douche couldn't even show up on time.

It was almost ten after by the time we heard an engine coming up the drive. Yeah he made us ten minutes late.

My eyes widened a bit at the sight of the 883 Harley Custom Sportster that pulled into the drive. The driver dismounted and pulled off his black helmet securing it to the handle bars before turning to face us.

I stared at him as he walked towards us. This was not the Mike Newton I remembered from high school. Not by a long shot.

"Damn," I heard Alice mumble before Jasper elbowed her lightly in the arm. Whatever, so he was good looking. He had already blown it with Bella anyway. She was a stickler for punctuality. She would always lecture me about how rude and disrespectful it was to make others wait.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," Mike said as he rushed over and shook Emmett's hand.

He unzipped his leather jacket to reveal an AC/DC t-shirt. Great, Bella's inner rock star would love that crap.

"I saw Mrs. O'Leery's car on the side of the road and stopped to help her change a flat tire.

"Aww," the girls cooed in unison. Freaky shit.

"Bella, it's so good to see you again. You look great," he said sounding like…I don't know, something annoying.

"Thank you Mike, you look great too."

I resisted the urge to tackle the jerk when I watched him bring her knuckles up to his lips and kiss them. Bella smiled brightly at him.

I do not like Mike Newton.

"Alright, let's get this party started," Emmett cheered before climbing into the limo.

My plans for the night seemed to get shot to hell in an instant.

**A/N: Okay, Okay, I know there wasn't a whole lot of B&E drama in this chapter but I had to get things set up for the next chapter! For you ladies who have been begging me to up the torture on Edward, get ready, it's coming. (btw Edward is not to happy with you)  
**

**So what do we think of this chapter? Hit that review button, you know you want to. You get a teaser...  
**


	11. Far Away

**A/N: Hello lovely readers! Can I just say once again that you guys are awesome. I love how each 'torture Edward' review was followed by a 'poor Edward' review. As a whole we have no idea what we want, lol. I know most of you just got your teasers and I hate that this chapter is being released so close to review reply's but I figured you'd rather have it now then later...I hope. **

**Oh I forgot to tell you last chapter, I know it's hard to picture a good looking Mike so if it helps, in my mind he looks like somewhat like Benjamin McKenzie (Ryan from The O.C.)**

**Thanks to Edwardrocksmysocks for her awesome beta skills! **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight...just like she did last week.  
**

Chapter 11

Far Away

EPOV

"So Mike, what is it you do?" Bella asked, sounding as though she actually cared.

"Well I wear a few different hats actually. Most of my time is spent running my parent's store, now that they've retired. I'm a volunteer firefighter but my true passion is an organization I've started that serves to protect and preserve the local forests and wildlife," he said with a cheesy smile.

I really don't like this guy.

"Wow, that's great." Bella grinned. I might have snarled.

"It's nothing. We all have to find some way to do our part for the planet."

Bella just nodded while I waited for him to tell us he'd found a solution to the problem of world hunger.

"So what is it you do now Edward?" Mike asked happily. Putz.

"I'm a photographer, in New York," I said confidently. Confident _not_ cocky.

"Oh that's cool. My niece, she's twelve, she's a great photographer." He smiled.

Was that an insult toward me?

"I'm not sure it's the same thing," I said trying not to sound as confused as I was.

"I don't know. She's really good," he boasted.

I gave a tight smile and a single nod. What could I do? If I defended the legitimacy of my work it would look like I was insulting his damn niece.

Thankfully that was all the information Mike Newton requested of me. So I was able to sit back and observe.

There were other conversations going on around me but I could only focus on the conversation between these two. I was seated across from them on the long bench seat. I tried to act like I wasn't eavesdropping but it was growing harder by the second.

"I must say at the risk of sounding a bit star struck, I'm a huge fan of your work, Bella. I'm dying for your next book to hit the shelves," he gushed like some type of thirteen year old fangirl. Pathetic.

Ha, nice try jerk, Bella doesn't respond well to public flattery it embarrasses her.

"Thank you so much, Mike. I love meeting fans. I'll be sure to get you an autographed copy as soon as I'm finished with it." She smiled.

_What the hell?_

"Oh I would love that. I've gotten all my family into reading your books," he gushed.

"Kiss ass," I said low enough that no one could hear.

"Ow, shit Alice!" I yelled. Apparently judging by the finger nail marks that were now embedded into the underside of my arm I didn't speak quietly enough.

"Are you okay, man? If you think you're hurt I could take a look at it. I got my EMT certification a while back," Mike asked, actually looking concerned.

"I'm fine," I muttered.

He nodded and went back to talking to Bella.

_Blah, blah, blah. _He rambled on for the rest of the drive. He spoke about her book and it was apparent he didn't know what he was talking about in terms of Bella's inner thought process.

Yes, I had read her books, many, many times.

I could picture her writing them and could almost see how she made every decision with every word.

I probably should have let her know that I had followed her work the entire time we had been apart but I didn't for whatever reason.

Now I couldn't. How mature would I look if I bounced up in my seat and yelled "oh, oh, I read your books too, Bella." Yeah, real mature.

The rest of the godforsaken ride drug on for what felt like hours so when we finally arrived at the bar I jumped out of the limo like my ass was on fire.

We made our way into the bar and moved to the huge booth that had been reserved for us. Everyone piled in while I went to fetch us our first round of drinks. I grabbed everyone a beer and a shot of tequila before heading back to our table. The bartender was nice enough to give me a tray to carry the copious amount of alcohol.

I stopped in my tracks about fifteen feet from the table and took in the view in front of me. Mike was telling some story to the table while they all laughed. Alice was basically sitting on Jasper's lap her head tucked under his chin.

Emmett had his arm around his soon to be wife as they joined in on the flowing conversation. Everyone looked so content. My absence did not hinder their time together.

Seeing them all together this way made me realize that it wasn't everyone else's fault that they treated me with a lukewarm welcome. It was mine. I hadn't just left Bella when I fled Washington. I had left everyone.

I was truly an ass of epic proportions. All of our friendships had always been so tightly woven together. We would do anything for each other. Three years ago I had the greatest relationships in the world. I could have called anyone at that table, with the exception of Mike of course, at three in the morning if my car broke down or if I just needed to talk and any of them would have been there for me without hesitation or complaint.

I had deserted that. I'm sure it must have been hard on them. We had always thought our bonds were unbreakable and infallible. Now, I'm the outsider who wasn't around to encourage my brother about his engagement or help Jasper move into his new place. I wasn't around when they might have needed to call on me.

I'm not sure how long I stood in place just staring as what should have been my seat was filled by Mike Newton.

Bella was smiling and joking right along with the rest of the group.

This could be her life. I could let her move on and leave everything how it is. I could go back to New York and let her continue on the path that she was headed. She'd eventually find some happiness, even if it wasn't me but that wasn't an option anymore. I was in too deep. Maybe it was selfishness or weakness but I loved her too much to go back to my old my life and not see her again for years.

If nothing else cemented my need to call her mine the close inspection I took of her face did. She was smiling and laughing softly but she wasn't as content as I'm sure Mike thought she was. Her smile—though looking real—didn't reach her eyes. Her hand was on her face as she talked. When Bella was truly excited or engaged in a story her hands would flail around her body emphasizing her points and telling the story in greater detail than words would allow. She wasn't content at this moment. She was complacent.

As if I willed her to, she looked up at me as I stared at her. She gave me a small smile and tilted her head a bit telling me to join the party.

I walked quickly while trying not to spill the drinks that tottered on my round tray.

"Took you long enough," Rosalie sighed. When did she become so damn mean?

"Yeah the bar was packed," I lied. She simply huffed as she took her beer from me.

Bella looked up at me with concern and I gave her the best smile I could force to show her I was fine.

We passed around the shot glasses and once everyone had theirs it was time to make a toast.

"To the bride and groom," I said before anyone else had a chance to speak.

"May your marriage be long and joyous, and may you find every happiness in each other," I said with sincerity.

There was a beat of silence followed by a staggered round of "cheers" and the clinking of glasses.

We all sat around and sipped on our beers while Emmett told us about his promotion at work.

"Congratulations man, that's great." I smiled.

"It's about time to. Do you think you're going to fire Alistair now that you're his superior?" Bella asked with a laugh.

Emmett laughed with her and then went in to detail about how he was considering firing this guy.

The idea that everyone around me including Bella was familiar with what was going on in my brother's life except me didn't make me feel any better. I tried to keep up and made a point to ask as many questions as I could so I could be up to speed.

Emmett seemed a little confused at first but after a while he began telling me stories of the one person at his company who didn't like him.

We were a couple more drinks in to the evening when some song came over the sound system that caused my sister and Rosalie to squeal and drag Bella out of the booth, right across Mike's lap.

The girls ran to the stage and stepped into one of the lines already formed. They proceeded to stomp their feet and cha-cha around the dance floor in perfect sync with those around them. The men all sat by and watched.

"I'm going to go to the men's room," Mike called before walking off.

Emmett looked at Jasper for a moment before Jasper declared that he was going to buy another round and got up from the table as well.

"You okay man?" Emmett asked leaning close to me so I could hear him.

"Yeah, why?" I asked.

"You look like someone ran over your dog."

"Just thinking," I answered with a shrug.

Emmett ran his hands over his face a couple times before looking at me.

"Is this about what I said earlier? Look man, I'm sorry but I meant what I said. Bella doesn't deserve to be put through anything like what you did again. You have no idea what it was like."

"Look Em, I get it. I mean it sucks having my own brother taking sides against me but if you don't…wait what, what was like?" I asked confused.

"You guys' break up," he said like it was obvious.

"Um, yeah man I do know what it was like. I lived it, and I'm paying for it now."

Emmett laughed darkly and shook his head.

"That's just it man you have no clue." He sighed heavily and looked as though he was debating with himself as to whether or not he should continue.

He took a long pull from his beer before speaking.

"You weren't there, Edward. You didn't have to hold her while she screamed, asking why. I did. You weren't there having to fight with her to convince her to eat or shower; Rose was. Dude, I had to take down every picture in my home that had you in it because I couldn't stand to see her face when she saw one. I get you being pissed at me, I do, but I've known Bella since she was ten years old. She's my family too. You are my brother and I love ya, but like it or not you're also the guy who hurt my baby sister," he finished calmly.

He didn't speak with anger or malice just honesty.

I couldn't find words. I picked up my beer and drank without tasting. I had never thought about how strong a role my leaving Bella would play on my entire family. I knew I had hurt her but it killed me to hear Emmett describe what Bella went through. I also knew that—knowing Bella—he only knew a small part of what it had been like for her. She had lost her boyfriend, roommate, and best friend all in one quick swoop.

Emmett slapped me on my back and gave me a smile.

"Okay enough of this. We're here to have a good time and, if I hadn't said it yet, it…uh…it means a lot to me that you're here.

I forced a grin back at him and we were then rejoined by Jasper and Mike.

"Man would you look at that?" Mike grinned and gestured to the dance floor. At some point the song had changed and all three girls were dancing together and grinding against one another in the sea of people.

"Dude, thank you so much for inviting me. Bella is amazing. That woman is hot."

All the morose feelings I had been experiencing were pushed back as I felt my blood boil in my veins. I knew it was irrational but I didn't like Bella being described that way by him. Calling her 'that woman' and saying she was hot instead of beautiful, seemed so vile, so crude, so…me a week ago. She was not some piece of meat, and he didn't need to be looking at her anyway.

"Calm down man. He didn't mean anything by it," jasper whispered to me. Apparently my facial expression and posture were giving my murderous feelings away.

I let out some type of grunt in response and turned my attention back to the dance floor. Bella was a vision. Her eyes were closed and her lips were pulled up in a permanent smile. Her wavy hair brushed over her shoulders as her hips swayed with the music. She looked so carefree and breathtaking. I wanted so badly to join her.

"I'll be back," Mike mumbled as he left the table. I kept watching Bella and finding myself feeling happy because she was. Man I'm cheesy.

"Holy shit," Emmett said loudly staring at me perplexed.

"You do don't you?" He asked, dumbfounded.

"Do what? I asked, still wearing a hint of my Bella induced smile.

"You really do love her don't you?" He asked still looking confused.

I repressed the urge to say duh and simply nodded my head.

He shook his head clear and said, "Okay, I think I get it. But if I go out on a limb for you, you had better not make me regret it." His face was stone and I tried not to gulp at the obvious threat.

I didn't know what kind of limb he was talking about but I nodded again anyway.

Emmett climbed out of the booth and took off into the crowd.

My attention returned to the dance floor where I saw something that made me want to break somebody.

oOo

BPOV

I was having a lot more fun than I thought I would be having. I was able to completely let loose while I danced with my girls to overplayed top forty music. I was actually having a ball; the alcohol I had consumed may have had something to do with it.

Rose and Alice had dragged me on to the floor against my will but I'm so glad they did. They're the best. I miss them.

A waitress circled the edge of the dance floor with a tray full of fruity shots in long tubes. The girls and I might have helped her pay this month's rent. I was having fun.

Something was wrong though, with Edward, not me. Every time I looked over at him he looked bummed.

"What's wrong with Edward?" I yelled loudly over the music while keeping my hips moving to the beat.

Rose rolled her eyes but looked over toward the table where he and Emmett were sitting alone talking.

"He probably just realized what an asshole he is,." Rosalie slurred with a laugh.

I moved closer to her as we continued dancing together.

"You know you're lucky you have any friends at all right?" I teased…kind of.

"Yep," she said with a popping sound and we started laughing again. Everything was going great as we sweated our way through a procession of songs. I couldn't help glancing at Edward but I tried not to let him dominate my mind.

He had honestly put forth a lot of effort in mending our fences last night and I honestly want him to be happy.

I was dancing with the girls when I felt a pair of large hands land gently on my hips. I turned my head quickly and met the smiling face of Mike.

"Is it okay if I dance with you?" He questioned. I was a little surprised. You normally don't see that type of gentlemanly behavior on the dance floor of a smoke filled club.

I hesitated for a second. A part of my mind, for reasons beyond my comprehension, screamed 'No' with force.

"Sure," I smiled.

He was…nice. He was good looking. He was honestly a catch that any girl would be happy to bring home to meet the 'rents. I wished I was that girl, but like every other guy I had been around in the past sixteen years…he didn't compare. God I hated that.

I pushed the thoughts away as Mike pressed himself against my back and moved our bodies to the beat of the music.

His hands slid up my sides as I followed lyrical instructions that told me to 'get low'. It really was fun but my mind was thinking about a pair of larger, warmer, hands that could be moving up my body.

I turned my body around where I was forced to face Mike so that I could keep my foggy mind in the present. We moved together freely. Eventually his leg was between my thighs. His arms were around my waist and I tried to maintain eye contact to keep bronze hair and green eyes out of my mind.

It wasn't long before I saw the green eyes, but they were on their way toward the dance floor…and they looked pissed.

"Can I cut in?" It wasn't a question really, more like a demand. His velvet voice sounded like steel.

"Edward, I'm dancing what do you want?" I said. I swear he must have gotten better looking since the last time I saw him.

"Bella, can we go…talk, or dance or something?" He asked through clenched teeth. Mike's hands kept surveying appropriate body parts while Edward was busy speaking to me.

I knew I should probably tell him to stop, for his own safety, but a part of me really enjoyed seeing Edward jealous. Great, now I was playing games.

"Sorry, Edward. I'm busy," I said as I threw myself into dancing.

"Bella, can you please-"

"Edward, I'm pretty sure she told you she's not interested so why don't you go find someone else to dance with," Mike—the dead man—interrupted.

My jaw fell open and I turned to look for Alice or Rosalie for help but I couldn't see them on the crowded floor.

"Excuse me? Look, this doesn't concern you. Now, you look a bit parched. I suggest you go get yourself a beer," Edward said, well, more like threatened. His voice daring Mike to defy him.

"Edward…." I started.

The sound coming from the DJ's microphone interrupted us and got everyone's attention.

"_Attention all you lovely ladies, we're going to slow things down a bit. Now I don't normally play something so old and overplayed but, per the request of my good, about-to-be-a-married-man buddy Emmett, I'm making on exception for tonight so I hope you all enjoy this."_

Edward started to say something to Mike but then the music keyed up and caused us both to freeze.

_The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful  
Stop me and steal my breath.  
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky  
Never revealing their depth._

Time seemed to stop as Edward hesitated and then extended his hand toward me. In what could end up being the biggest mistake I've ever made, I placed my hand in his.

I turned to Mike and told him I'd just be a minute. I didn't wait to see his response as I moved toward my past.

Edward pulled me in close and our bodies moved in perfect unison.

_Tell me that we belong together,  
Dress it up with the trappings of love.  
I'll be captivated,  
I'll hang from your lips,  
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above._

"Do you remember?" He whispered into my hair.

I nodded because it's all I could do. This had been the song Edward had played on the guitar for me the first time he had told me he loved me. It had also had a role in a few other milestones but that moment was the main one. The cheesy nineties pop song could still bring a tear to my eye.

The lyrics played on and transported me back in time.

"Bella…I," Edward began quietly.

"Not, now please. Let's just be for a moment." I sighed before laying my head on his chest.

I felt him nod against me as we tightened our embrace.

Every part of my brain screamed for me to run and run fast. This was extremely dangerous territory.

My traitorous heart was fighting strongly to the contrary.

I didn't notice the song had ended until people began brushing up against me exiting the dance floor.

"Um, did you have anything to do with that?" I asked. I wasn't sure whether I should be upset or not.

"No Bella, I had no idea he was going to do that," he defended quickly.

I nodded my head and gave what I hoped was a smile as I turned to walk off the dance floor. Before I got three steps away Edward grabbed my hand and spun me toward him. His eyes connected with mine. For a second I just knew he was going to kiss me but he just pulled me in for a tight hug instead.

"Thank you," he said as he released me.

"Mm-hmm," I mumbled because I didn't know what else to say.

We walked off the dance floor together, but not together.

"You okay?" Mike whispered in my ear as I slid into the booth near the open spot behind him.

"Yep," I declared with false enthusiasm. I know he was trying to be sweet but the way he was trying to act protective of me really annoyed me. I wanted to tell him he was doing it wrong.

Edward sat down in the only open seat in the booth, which happened to be beside me.

The group continued to laugh and joke around with one another before we decided to head out and go to another bar.

The night continued on in similar fashion. Mike would mildly flirt with me and Edward's knuckles would turn white.

On paper Mike may have seemed like a great option—if you ignore the long distance thing—but in reality he wasn't for me. There wasn't a spark or whatever you're supposed to feel.

It was probably for the best either way; I didn't need any more complications.

It was almost four in the morning before we were all back at the Cullen's house. Alice had passed out in the limo and Jasper had to carry her inside. Edward, Mike and I climbed out after them to help a buzzed Emmett with a severely worse off Rosalie.

Rose clung to Emmett as she fumbled her way out of the limo with closed eyes. As soon as Rosalie's now bare feet hit the grass—she had decided early in the night her shoes were the cause of her stumbling—she bent over and threw up technicolored vomit all over Edward's pants and shoes.

"Fan-fucking-tastic," Edward groaned.

"Sorry about that man," Emmett apologized for Rosalie. "It was an accident…I think," and with that they made their way into the house.

"Well, I'm going to head to the backyard and hose off my shoes before going inside. I'll see you then," Edward said before heading off. Neither he nor Mike said goodbye to one another.

"Do you need a place to crash? I'm sure we can make you a pallet or something," I offered feeling guilty that those were the best accommodations I could offer at the present time.

"No, no. I'm fine. I stopped drinking early in the night. I'm completely fine." He smiled.

I remembered Mike had switched to cokes before we even left the first bar.

"Okay, well it was nice seeing you again," I said awkwardly.

"I had a great time with you Bella," Mike said as he stepped closer.

He brought his hand up to cup the side of my face and I watched in slow motion as his lips moved toward mine. I could smell mint from the gum he was chewing and for a second I almost allowed it to happen. At the last minute I chickened out and turned my head sharply causing him to kiss my cheek.

"Mike, I'm sorry. I just can't," I said sadly.

"Because of him?" He asked with a nod of his head.

"What? No. I just-"

"Hey, it's okay Bella, if you ever decide you're ready to try someone new Emmett has my number." He smiled gently and kissed my cheek again before going to his bike and pulling on his helmet.

Was wanting Edward what was keeping me from finding someone else to care about or was it because I was afraid of someone hurting me like Edward had?

I quickly realized that question would be better left for a night that hadn't consisted of this many shots and drinks so I pushed it to the back of my mind and headed inside.

I walked in the Cullen's house to see that Edward had come in through the back door and was stretched out across the tiny love seat.

I kicked off my shoes and grabbed my bag that was under the staircase before going to the bathroom to change.

I took extra time brushing my teeth and washing my make-up off. The buzz from the alcohol helped to draw out the process. I pulled on a pair of girl boxers and a tank top before deciding it was time to go to bed.

I climbed under the blankets of the pull out couch and rolled over so I was facing the opposite direction of Edward.

"Why don't you just come over here now? I don't want to listen to you whine all day tomorrow about being sore from having to sleep over there," I said in the best annoyed tone I could muster.

He didn't answer with words but seconds later I felt a tug on the blankets and the mattress sank lower.

"I don't whine," he whispered before we wished each other goodnight.

"Rosalie had better feel like hell, tomorrow." Edward said into the darkness.

"Quit whining," I mumbled before being enveloped in warmth and falling asleep.

**A/N: Well, normally I have an idea as to how most of you will feel about different chapters but with this one, I am completely clueless. I have no idea what y'all might think, so let me know!**

**Review=teaser. (trust me when I say you don't want to miss this teaser! ; D )  
**


	12. It's Not Over

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry about the wait. I went on a little vacation last week so this took a bit longer to get out. Anyway thanks so much for all of you who have been reading this story and even more love to my wonderful reviewers. You all make this process so much fun. **

**A huge thanks to Edwardrocksmysocks not only for her work with typos and grammatical errors but for her awesome ability to deal with my insecurities. If it wasn't for her I probably would have panicked and rewritten this chapter multiple times. **

**Meyer still owns Twilight.  
**

Chapter 12

It's Not Over

_Light was beginning to flood the room as I felt warm lips against my collar bones. _

"_Mmm" I purred. _

_I heard a faint chuckle as the lips descended across my chest. My body was instantly on alert as an electric current began to pulse beneath my skin. _

"_Wake up, love," Edward murmured. His lips focused on the valley between my breasts. _

"_Don't wanna," I sighed happily. _

_His mouth moved lower down my abdomen as his kisses became open mouthed. I shivered at the sensation. _

"_Wake up, Bella," his velvet voice cascaded across my skin. _

"_No," I said with a defiant smile. I kept my eyes closed as his mouth descended to the spot where I wanted it most. _

"_Oh God," I moaned as his lips found my clit. He began nipping and kissing softly and I couldn't keep my hips from bucking towards his face. _

_His ministrations grew in strength and speed and I realized this was the best morning I had ever had. _

"_You awake, yet?" Edward asked with a laugh; his face still buried between my thighs. _

"_Less talking," I sighed. _

"_As you wish." _

_His tongue ran across my center. My eyes opened widely as I enjoyed the view._

_I jolted from the contact as his finger moved inside me. _

"_Oh God, yes," I groaned loudly. "Edward, I need you," I begged in a breathy voice. _

_Without words he lifted his face and began kissing his way back up my body._

"_It's a shame, I was really enjoying myself." He smirked. _

"_Shut up," I laughed as I grabbed his biceps and pulled him down on top of me. I needed him now._

_Edward kissed me passionately before hitching my legs over his hips and entering me smoothly. _

"_Fuck," he hissed as I gasped at the full feeling. _

_He pumped into me hard as his right hand tugged on my nipple, causing me to yell at the amazing pain. _

"_You like that don't you baby?" Edward panted. _

"_Hell yes," I moaned as he picked up speed. His thrusts grew in intensity and I gripped the bed sheets tightly to keep myself in place. _

"_Yes…I…I," I panted as he pelvis slammed against me with perfect rhythm._

"_God Bella, I'm… so close."_

"_Please, baby….I..I'm there," I screamed out as my orgasm overtook me. My body shook violently from the intensity. Edward found his release with a loud moan seconds after. _

_He crawled off of me and laid back down on our bed. He pulled my body against his so that my back was against his chest with his arm draped over me. _

_I laid there, regaining my breath as Edward's hand mindlessly kneaded my breast. _

_I looked around the room and tried to take in my surroundings. This was our apartment in Seattle. _

"_How did we get here?" I asked with confusion. _

"_I don't know, just lucky I guess." I felt his smile against my shoulder. _

_I looked around again and started to feel out of place. We weren't here; we were at Esme and Carlisle's when I fell asleep. _

"_This isn't right. We're not here," I stammered. _

"_We could be," he sighed with a final kiss to my shoulder. _

"Honey," a loud voice called.

"Honey," the feminine voice repeated.

I barely opened my eyes to see that I was in fact in the Cullen's living room. Renee was standing before me fully dressed for the day and looking far too awake for my taste.

"What Mom?" I asked with the irritation that normally found me early in the morning. Of course it was worse considering the hangover I was feeling, added with the fact that my dream was now over.

"I'm going to the store with Esme and Alaina. Do you need anything?" She asked. She looked like she was trying to suppress a laugh.

"Gatorade," I said immediately. "Lots of Gatorade."

"What flavor, dear?" She chuckled.

"Yellow," I mumbl showing my obvious aggravation.

"That doesn't sound like a flavor Bella," She sighed like I was annoying her.

"Everyone knows you don't refer to Gatorade by flavor. They are colors despite what the damn bottle says. Are you leaving yet?" I whined as I pulled the blanket up over my head.

"Touchy," Renee laughed before I heard more footsteps and a door closing.

I was almost back to sleep when I felt the gentle kneading on my boob that I had felt in my dream. My eyes popped open as I glanced down to see Edward's hand groping me. He was dead asleep but I knew I couldn't allow this.

Could I?

No.

I resisted the urge to elbow him awake and instead moved his hand down to where it rested on my side.

This only led to more problems as he pulled me tightly against him and nuzzled his nose into my neck. However, his nose was not the problem.

Edward was rock hard and pressed firmly against my ass. I fought with myself, against the desire to press myself into him.

"Edward," I whispered.

No response.

"Edward," I said a little louder.

This only caused him to sigh and press his cock against me further. I chose to ignore the meaningless moan that may have broken through my lips.

I shook his arm that was draped across me and spoke louder.

"Edward, wake up!"

I winced at the volume of my voice but he stirred and rolled around before looking at me.

"Jesus Christ. What Bella?" He demanded in a voice rough from sleep.

"Um…you were getting a bit too friendly with my butt." I blushed like he hadn't been there before.

Thankfully I saw his cheeks turn pink along with mine.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"Are we in a cave?" He said with a quiet laugh as he looked up at the blanket that was over both of our heads.

"My mother," I sighed.

He nodded in understanding.

"Is anyone else up yet?" He asked while yawning.

"Nope…just us, as far as I know. I haven't heard anyone."

"How are you feeling?" I questioned.

"Not too bad. You?" He asked with concern.

"I've been better. I feel like there is a KISS concert going on behind my eyes," I said awkwardly. I don't know why this morning felt so much more intimate than the previous ones but for some reason it did.

"C'mere," Edward said gesturing to his stomach.

"No, really I'm okay," I lied.

"You know it'll make you feel better, now come here," he said as he tugged me closer to him.

I resisted and let him move me so that my head was resting on his firm abs.

Both of his hands moved to my head and began to massage my temples in a gentle clockwise motion. He used to do this when we were together whenever I had a headache. It did help. For some reason only his hands had the ability to stop the throbbing.

It felt wrong to let him do this for me but it felt too right to make him stop.

"Are you happy Bella?" He questioned after a moment of silence.

I was quiet for a minute as I debated my answer.

"Yes," I said trying to sound confident.

I felt his stomach flex under my head as he chuckled lightly.

"You always were a shit liar."

"Fine, what about you? Are you happy?" I asked stubbornly.

"No," he responded immediately.

I sat up a bit and moved so I could see his face.

"You're a big shot photographer now. It's what you always wanted. How are you not happy?" I asked, confused.

"It's not all it's cracked up to be," he sighed as he pulled me so my head was nestled in the crook of his arm.

I draped my arm across his chest, well aware that the feeling of home that accompanied this position was dangerous territory.

"I don't understand," I said, careful not to angle my face toward his. Morning breath was not a good thing.

He inhaled sharply through his nose. "You know the old saying 'you don't know what you have until it's gone'?"

"Yeah."

"It couldn't be more true." He paused for a moment and looked in my eyes as though he was trying to see into my soul. It was unnerving and sensual at the same time.

"Bella I don't know if I haven't been clear enough or if I haven't laid all my cards on the table but—just so I don't leave thinking that I left something unsaid—I want you. I want us to be an 'us' again. I want to wake up every morning with you in my arms and go to sleep every night with your body pressed against mine. I want to be yours and have you know that I will never again be stupid enough to repeat my past mistakes." He spoke without breaking eye contact.

Silence fell in our makeshift fort as his words fought their way through my weakening wall of resolve and anger.

"Edward...I don't know what-"

"Rise and shine, lazy asses," Emmett's obnoxiously loud voice bellowed as he ripped the blankets off of our heads.

"Oh, shit…I'm sorry. Did I interrupt something?" Emmett asked nervously as he took in our close proximity.

"No," I said at the same time as Edward said yes.

"Um, who's hungry?" Emmett asked as he rubbed the back of his neck.

I took the only out that was offered.

Yes I was a coward but I truly had no idea what I was going to say to Edward. I wasn't blind enough not to realize that I could love him again, like I had. I knew that and that is what scared me to death.

"I am," I jumped up a little too quickly and fell back on the bed from the dizziness.

"You okay?" Edward asked as he helped me into a sitting position.

"Yeah," I mumbled as I moved into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

As soon as I was finished in the bathroom I went to join Emmett and Edward in the living room.

"Where are Charlie and Carlisle?" I asked as I snuck a piece of bacon from the plate that Emmett was putting it on.

"Mmm," I moaned at the wonderfully fattening taste.

"Cooked to perfection Em. Thank you."

"Ah, I can't take the credit. I'm pretty sure Mom made it before she left. Oh and Charlie took Dad fishing. Jasper and I are going to go meet them after breakfast. You want to go Edward?"

Edward's eyes darted to me for a split second and I tried to convince myself that it meant nothing.

"No, you know I think I'm feeling a little worse for the wear after last night. I think I'm going to lounge around here until I feel better."

"Pansy, you didn't even drink that much last night," Jasper laughed from the entryway.

"Shut up, I could still kick your ass," Edward retorted with a raised eyebrow.

The two sat around and talked trash while they ate. Emmett was giving me strange glances over his mug of coffee.

"So where is your blushing bride this morning?" I asked, though I was pretty sure I knew the answer.

"In bed," he grumbled. "Harpy kicked me out because she said I was breathing too loud."

He was pouting like a child and I had to laugh at the swell of his cheeks.

"Poor baby, maybe you shouldn't have let her drink so much last night." I chuckled as I snagged another piece of pork heaven.

"Yeah you do realize you were talking about Rosalie and you used the word 'let'," he scoffed.

"Like I can stop her from doing anything she wants to do."

I just nodded because it was true.

As soon as Jasper and Emmett left the house the big mouth brigade came traipsing through the front door. All three women burst through the door laughing—well cackling—like hens at something and didn't notice me gripping my head in agony.

Edward, who was sitting right beside me on the now put away couch, began rubbing my back soothingly.

"Do you mind?" He asked our mothers.

"Sorry," Esme mumbled as the other two just carried on laughing.

"Sweetheart if you're going to drink you had better learn to handle the hangover," Alaina said as she patted me on the head.

"I can handle it just fine if you three could go find a cauldron to make that kind of noise over." I was being bitch but damn they were loud.

"Someone needs to get some," the woman who supposedly birthed me said with a laugh. I scowled at her but mainly because it was true.

I had done fairly well holding my own against my ex-Adonis but damn if he wasn't starting to have an effect on me physically.

"So what are your plans for today?" I ask politely, trying to make up for my bratty behavior.

"We are planning on heading into the city to do some shopping. You want to go?" She said as she tossed me a bottle of my requested Gatorade.

I greedily chugged half the bottle before answering. "No, I'm good."

"Suit yourself." She smiled as the ladies went away to do something.

"Did you have anything you wanted to do today?" Edward asked gently.

"No, not really. That is my plan for the day, to do nothing," I said with a sigh as I fell back against the couch.

"Sounds good," he replied with a smile. God I loved his smile.

Edward and I both turned as we heard heavy footsteps clomping down the stairs.

"I hate you all," Rosalie groaned as she trudged her way toward us. She flopped down in the nearest chair and scowled at nothing.

"Not feeling so hot, princess?" Edward laughed. She responded with her usual class and raised her middle finger.

"I don't want to go to Seattle today," Rose whined.

"Why are you going to Seattle?" I asked confused.

"I have some things for tomorrow that I've been stashing at my house that I have to pick up. We'll leave in about an hour," she said with her face in her hands.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"What? We're leaving in about an hour that should give you enough time to get ready right?"

"It would if I was going, but I'm not," I said strongly.

Rose looked at me and blinked a couple times before speaking.

"What do you mean you aren't going?" She sounded confused.

"Just what I said. You told me today was going to be a free day, so I'm taking it."

I noticed Edward scoot a few inches away from me as Rose and I stared each other down.

"Fine," she broke first.

"I love you." I smiled just to make sure she wasn't really overly upset.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going to get in the shower. If Alice comes down tell her I'll be ready in a few.

Once she left the room. Edward began to snicker.

"What is so funny?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing that was just impressive." He grinned.

I huffed as I got up to throw myself into the other shower. I tried not to think about anything regarding Edward. I was pretty sure, however, that my thinking about not thinking of him negated that entire plan.

By the time I got out of the shower I was feeling much better. I spent plenty of time in the bathroom drying my hair and putting on my make up with precision. There was nothing wrong with wanting to look nice while lounging around the house, right?

I made my way into the living room to find Edward stretched across the sofa flipping through the guide list on the television.

"Hey," I called to get his attention.

"Hey." He smiled up at me.

"Did everyone head out?" I asked as I looked around.

"Yeah, you just missed them. You feel better?" He asked sounding concerned.

"So much better. So…what do you want to do?" I asked hesitantly.

"Well let's just hang out, like we used to do. What would we have done…before?" He asked patting the seat on the couch that was now open beside him.

My cheeks turned pink because I knew good and well what we would have been doing before with an empty house.

Edward laughed nervously and ran a hand through his hair.

"I guess that was a stupid question, huh?"

I rolled my eyes and sat down next to him.

"You want to go for a run?" I asked. I wasn't sure if he still ran but we used to run together almost every morning when we were in college.

"Sounds great," he said with a smile.

We both went to get ready for a run and met each other at the door.

"Are you ready for this?" Edward teased.

"Please, let's see if you can keep up. Seems to me that you've gotten a little soggy around the middle since you moved?" I lied my ass off.

"If you say so." He grinned before pulling his tank top over his head.

I should have kept my mouth shut. I resisted the urge to run my hand down his abs and hit the ground running. I completely bypassed my normal warm up and sprinted away from him.

"Trying to show off, Isabella?" Edward said as he closed the distance between us.

I pushed myself harder as we hit the road and tried to keep my eyes ahead of me instead of on the fine specimen beside me. Neither one of us spoke as we ran. The only sounds filling the air were our breathing and the noise from our shoes slapping against the pavement.

We ran together and ran hard. I was breaking every single rule of running that I knew. Neither of us had a cool down instead we raced each other without words as soon as the Cullen's property came into view.

I was huffing and puffing as we reached the yard and both of us collapsed on the damp, cool grass.

We both stayed on the ground trying to catch our breath before Edward stood and offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet. We silently began stretching out the muscles in our legs.

"We probably should have done that before your shower," Edward commented as I wiped sweat from my brow.

"Another one won't kill me." I smiled.

It was getting entirely too comfortable to be with him. Despite the nerves, I still felt more like myself than I had in years. He owned a part of me that he took with him when he left. It was nice to have it back but terrifying to realize the type of power he held.

I excused myself to get cleaned up again and Edward followed suit. An hour later we were gathered around the television watching a marathon of Fresh Prince of Bel Air reruns. Edward sang the theme song with enthusiasm causing me to laugh and toss popcorn at him while trying not to sing along.

By the third episode he had gotten more dramatic in his musings simply to make me laugh. I decide to ruin his plans to tease him. I locked my arms across my chest as I frowned at the television.

"You're not as cute as you think you are," I sighed without making eye contact.

"Is that so?" He questioned scooting the tiniest bit closer.

"Mhmm," I mused.

I chance a look at him and see his face covered in mischief.

He begins making stupid faces at me and I fight like hell to keep my face from cracking.

"Do you remember the time you yelled at Alice when she cut your bangs while you were asleep?"

As soon as the words leave his mouth he pushes out his bottom lip and makes his chin quiver. He's sucking in air in short bursts like a fish. It was an exact replica of Alice's expression when I chewed her out.

I'm working really hard at not laughing at him.

"What about Charlie when he caught me feeling you up that one time?" He puffed out his cheeks and held his breath until his face turned as red as Charlie had. The scowl he has in place pushes me over the edge and a small chuckle breaks through my lips.

I quickly suppress it and try to stare back at the television.

"C'mon Bella, where is the goofy girl I used to know?" He says lightly as he stalks toward me on the couch.

I choose not to answer him because the answer to that question would kill any fun we hoped to have today.

"Sing with me," he demands with a grin. He's on his knees in front of me. He grabs my wrists in his hands and starts flinging my arms around like some sort of demented version of a rapper and not at all like Will Smith.

"Stop it," I laugh.

"Oh no, don't laugh," he chuckles. He drops my hands and began tickling my sides.

"Stop it Edward…I swear to God," I gasp out as his hands assault my ribs with more enthusiasm.

I shift and wiggle trying to free myself from Edward's favorite means of torture but I somehow manage to simply worm myself underneath him. His knees are straddling my hips.

"Edward, stop. I mean it." I laugh loudly negating the seriousness of my words.

"No you don't," he laughs as he keeps tickling my ribs.

"Edward," I pant.

I'm able to weekly grasps his wrists and pull them away from my body. Big mistake. His arms swing out causing his chest to fall down on mine.

We're locked in a staring contest, his eyes only six inches from mine.

Neither of us is breathing.

"Bella," he whispers as he slowly lowers his lips to mine.

I need to stop him.

I want to stop him.

I don't want him to stop.

His lips press gently to mine and my body feels alive for the first time in a long time.

"Tell me to stop. If you don't want this, don't want me, then tell me to stop now," He murmurs against my lips.

"Don't stop," I whisper and mold my lips back to his. His hands brush my hair away from my face and his lips move along my jaw to my ear lobe. He nips and nibbles on it driving me insane. The bricks of my defenses lay scattered on the ground.

I don't care about how bad this is going to hurt tomorrow.

I don't care that this is going to make it that much harder to leave him again.

I don't care that I'm probably making myself look cheap.

I want him, now.

"Now, please," I beg.

He moans in response and eagerly pulls my shirt over my head. In what feels like the same moment he manages to unhook my bra and glide it down my arm.

"So beautiful," he says against the swell of my breast.

My hands move up and down his back, beneath his shirt, with fervor. I manage to wrench the offensive material over his head and grip his back tightly.

Edward leans up on his knees and my body screams at his brief absence. As he begins removing the denim from my legs and then his I take in every inch of him. He's slightly buffer than he was a few years ago but still fairly lean.

His skin feels smoother than I remember, though I could be imagining it. Every inch of him is still gorgeous but no longer in a boyish way. I'm not sure specifically what makes me think that but f he seems to look manlier than the boy I had been in love with.

"God you're gorgeous," I mumble so low I didn't expect him to hear. His laughter tells me he has in fact heard my musings.

"Thank you." He smirks. "Though I doubt it's a fair statement when in your presence."

I roll my eyes at him and pull his now naked body back to mine. I run my fingers roughly through his hair while he kisses me.

His right hand moves down the side of my body until he reaches my hip. His thumb draws circle on my thigh and I thrust toward him without intention.

"This is what you want?" He asks again. His eyes are searching mine, looking for an answer.

"Yes. I want you, Edward," I growl.

I'm not sure why he's making this so difficult. He of all people should be used to sex without strings.

EPOV:

She wants me. She wants us.

My mouth begins a frenzied assault on Bella's body as I try to grab my jeans and pull out my wallet. I find the condom and roll it on quickly. Bella's eyes move to my cock and I see a strange look pass her face as she registers the condom. It's gone before I can figure it out.

I run my fingers up and down between Bella's lips; she is wet and ready. She moans under the command of my fingers and I have to taste her. I lean down and use my tongue to turn up the volume of her moans.

"Now, please," she begs.

Who am I to deny my angel?

I thrust into her smoothly and pause at the tight sensation. I have to kiss her. Her lips are fused to mine as our tongues move in tandem.

I hope I'm conveying every bit of elation I'm feeling in this kiss.

Her hips grind into mine and urge me to move.

I can barely concentrate on speed or rhythm because she feels so damn good.

"Shit, Bella…so good," I moan as I thrust into her quickly.

Our hands don't leave one another's bodies as I push us both toward the brink.

"Oh, God, don't stop. Please don't stop," Bella begs with closed eyes.

I move inside her quicker instinctively knowing how close she is. I feel her tighten around me and her nails dig into my shoulders.

"Edward," she moans as her body begins to shake. Her orgasm is my undoing and I find my release.

I collapse on top of her, resting on my elbows on the couch on either side of her. I want to stay pressed against her forever, but this isn't a movie. We're both hot and sweaty and we're on my parent's couch in their living room. Holy shit they'll kill us if they find out. Well not us, me.

"We should probably…" I mumble as I raise myself off of Bella.

"Yeah…," she says as she awkwardly searches for her shirt.

I can feel how uneasy she is and I have to calm her.

"Hey," I grab her chin gently. "That was amazing. You are amazing," I say as I kiss her again. Only this time she doesn't respond like before. Her lips stay mainly closed and she pulls away fairly quickly and begins getting dressed.

I move quickly to the down stairs bathroom and get rid of the condom and then we put our clothes back on in silence. Once we're clothed we're both standing in the living room staring at each other, neither of us knowing how to express our feelings given the amazing gravity of what just happened.

She runs her finger beneath her bottom lip and takes a deep breath.

"That was fun." She smiles. Fun? Not the word I would have used but not at all inaccurate.

"Um…I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything to the guys about this." She looks at me hopefully. I'm trying not to be offended that she would think so little of me as to ask me that.

"Of course not," I say, hiding my annoyance.

"Thank you. I just don't want anyone to find out and think this was more than it was. If anyone found out they would instantly assume we were getting back together and neither of us wants to deal with that," she laughs nervously.

What the hell?

**A/N: um...yeah. I got nothing. I should probably hide, huh? Well, let me know what you think. I'll send you a teaser if you don't send me a death threat. ; )**


	13. I Lost It

**A/N: Hello again, my lovely readers. Who's so cool they've got nothing better to do on a Friday night then post an update for you? That would be me.  
**

** Thanks to all of you for giving this story a chance. To those of you who review, thank you so much. You ladies make my day, every time I read your words (even if you are the most divided followers in the history of fanfic ; D )**.

**Just so you all know Edwardrocksmysocks deserves all the credit for making my words readable. She is truly an awesome Beta and sweet person! She loved this chapter so I'm hoping you will too!**

**Meet me at the bottom for a little surprise! **

**Meyer+Twilight=big money**

**Me+ Heaven or Hell= Lots of fun and empty pockets.  
**

Chapter 13

I Lost It

EPOV

"What the hell?" I said out loud.

Bella seemed shocked at my outburst. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly.

Perhaps, I had spoken a little harsher than I intended to, but come on. I thought we were finally getting back to what we were and she says something like that to me. I'm not sure how I could have misunderstood what was going on.

"What do you mean?" She asked while staring at the ground. She moved to the couch and began flipping the cushions, not that they really needed it.

"I mean…" I ran a hand roughly through my hair trying to figure out what exactly I did mean.

"What was that, what we just did, what was that to you?" I said as I took the throw pillow that she was fluffing out of her hand and tossed it on the couch.

Her eyes locked on mine and they stayed there for an immeasurable amount of time. Debate raged within them as if she was trying to make a life altering decision. More emotions than I thought one could possess were flashing across her face in varying speed. Finally her jaw set and her shoulders squared.

"Sex, Edward. It was sex," she sighed and picked the pillow back up.

Just like that my world crumbled around me. I felt angry, depressed, and used beyond comprehension. Everything that I had tried to pretend I wasn't thinking about this week was gone. In the back of my mind I had envisioned getting Bella back, eventually having a white picket fence and two point five kids. It was all gone.

I couldn't formulate words. She was all I needed and she had said shot me down without an explanation. It was just sex. She had said she wanted me and then took it back just as swiftly.

"Fine, whatever, if that's what you want, fine," I said as I stormed out the back door. It was raining but I could care less.

I paced angrily across the yard not knowing where I was going or what the hell I was doing besides getting soaked.

"Fucking stupid!" I yelled out to nobody. I wasn't sure what specifically was stupid but something was.

"I resent that," I heard Bella call out as she shut the door behind her and stomped her bare feet into the grass. She was moving quickly and looked pissed.

"I wasn't calling you stupid," I ground out. I continued my pacing as she stood staring at me with her hands on her hips.

The rain was coming down hard and in the time it took me to respond to her she was soaked.

"I don't know why you're reacting this way. Isn't sex without strings kind of your thing now?" She yelled over the thunder.

I stopped instantly. Was she out of her damn mind?

"What?" I asked.

There was determination in her eyes and I knew this was it. We were about to have it out.

"Yeah, people talk Edward. I know all about the revolving door on your bedroom. I'm not stupid enough to believe that I'm any different, but it's fine. I wanted it. If nothing else it was some damn good closure," she finished with a shaky laugh.

She was lying. She didn't believe a word that was coming out of her own mouth.

"Bullshit," I said loudly. I closed the gap between us and took her hands in mine. "Do not compare yourself to those women. You are so much more to me than that. You know damn good and well that what we did in there was not just sex. I know you felt it to, don't lie to me. More importantly don't lie to yourself," I growled.

Her eyes began to well up with unshed tears and I felt bad about the tone I was using with her.

"Please," I coaxed gently. "Tell the truth."

She shook her head back and forth as her tears broke free and rolled silently down her cheeks.

"So what," she said after a moment, her eyes cold and hard when they landed on me.

"So what? What do you mean 'so what?." I spat. Her hands jerked out of mine as she pushed me out of her personal space.

"I mean, _so what_," she spoke with venom I wasn't used to hearing in her voice.

"Even if I did feel something, it doesn't change anything. We're the same people we were when we walked into this house almost a week ago and those are not the same two people we were five years ago." She took a deep breath before continuing on the path of my destruction.

"Therefore, _so what_ if your touch still has an effect on me or if I can't even be in the same room with, much less in bed with another man, without comparing him to you. You made your choice, Edward. You don't love me so I have no choice but to reduce what we just did to its most basic form. It was sex, nothing more, nothing less."

By the end of her tirade her voice was strained and my mind was a jumbled mess of angst as I tried to process everything she had said. I couldn't focus on the other men part because I was already having trouble keeping my anger in check. Her views on my feelings toward her were far more devastating.

"You're wrong," I whispered.

I touched her face where the falling rain had blended with the tears on her cheek.

"Don't do this. Please don't do this," she breathed.

"You're wrong. I do love you, just as much as I did then," I said as I moved to bring my lips to hers.

Before I had the chance to kiss her like I intended to she shoved me again, hard. I stumbled a bit as I slid on the wet ground.

"What?" I stammered as I regained my footing.

"Really? You tell me you love me then you follow it up with 'as much as I did then'?" She said in a poor interpretation of my voice.

I was beyond confused. I did love her as much as I had when we had been together. Why was that a bad thing?

"Yes and I meant it. It may have taken me some time to realize it but I know that I love you just as much now as I did the day-"

"As the day you walked out on me?" She interrupted.

Shit.

"That wasn't what…that's not what I was going to say," I pleaded.

"Maybe not, but I'm not wrong am I? The day before you left me in the dust to move on with my life you told me you loved me, just like you did every single day we were together. Those words don't mean a thing coming from you Edward. Maybe you thought you loved me but you don't do to someone you love what you did to me. I can't believe in your idea of love, not again."

She didn't yell or scream. She spoke with a saddened and resigned voice. She broke my heart as I had broken hers.

"You don't mean that. Please tell me you don't mean that," I begged. I dropped to my knees, not caring about the mud beneath me or how pathetic I must look.

"I love you Bella. What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not the same person? I need you."

I ignored the tears that trying to fall from my eyes and focused on her.

"You're it for me, Bella. I promise you that if you just give me another chance I swear I'll never put you through anything like that again. Please."

"I…I…We can't…" she began before we heard the back door open loudly.

I stood up and tried to dust off my pants. Bella wiped frantically at her eyes before turning around. Emmett and Jasper were standing at the doorway still laughing at some conversation they had been having.

"Hey man it's time to go. Rose is kicking all of the men out of the house since it's the night before the wedding. We're staying over at Jasper's parent's house. Get your shit and let's go." Emmett laughed before heading back inside. Clearly he had been drinking on the morning fishing trip.

I turned my attention back to Bella.

"I have never stopped loving you. I have loved you almost my entire life. What do I have to do to convince you of that? Tell me and I'll do it. I swear on everything I possess I never stopped loving you," I sighed.

This was it. There was nothing else I could say to make her forgive me. I had laid every bit of myself on the line and it was now in her hands.

She broke down into quiet sobs and I took her in my arms. I held on tightly praying that this wouldn't be the last time I would feel her close to me.

She pushed away from me and I saw the last tear she had fall down her cheek. My world, my life, my everything hung on what that tear meant.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I can't believe that." She turned and headed slowly back into the house.

For the second time to day I found myself fighting back tears. I watched her walk out of my life just as I had walked out of hers. There was nothing else that I could say to change her mind. I couldn't hold her choice against her. It was foolish to believe that she could have trusted my love for her after what I did to her.

I'm not sure how long I stood frozen in the cold rain before I heard Emmett yelling at me through the now opened door.

"Dude, c'mon we're getting ready to leave. We're waiting on you." He grinned.

I resisted the urge to throw a rock at his face and slowly trudged my ass inside.

Emmett was walking around moving duffle bags from the house to his jeep while whistling like an idiot.

"Do you know where Bella went?" I asked Jasper just wanting to make sure she was safely in the house and not driving around somewhere in an emotional state.

"She said she had a headache and went upstairs." Jasper was clearly sober enough to notice something was off with Bella and his expression told me how bothered he was by this.

"I'm going to head up to my room for a minute. Can you give me a bit?" I asked. Even I could hear the defeat in my voice.

"Man…just let her be," he sighed.

"I'm not going to bother her. I just need to take care of a couple thing real quick. Please give me five minutes? " I begged.

"We'll be in the Jeep," he said after a moment's pause.

"Thank you."

I moved quickly upstairs to my room only giving the closed door to the guest room a brief glance.

I pulled out a pad of paper and a pen from my desk and began writing. I took my past out of my wallet and stuck it in the envelope with the letter. This was it, my final goodbye. Not every story has a happy ending.

oOo

BPOV

I wanted to believe him. More than I have ever wanted anything, I wanted to believe that he never stopped loving me. But I couldn't.

If he loved me he wouldn't have left and stayed gone.

Footsteps sounded loudly outside the closed door and I prayed that whoever it was would take mercy on me and keep walking. Thankfully they did.

I was once again in the Cullen's guest bedroom, lying down and crying over the same person. This was getting ridiculous, not to mention repetitive. I wanted to pretend so badly that he meant everything he said but that would only offer me a few weeks, maybe months, of happiness before he realized once again that he wanted more.

I needed to escape but I knew that Rosalie would not hesitate to cause me physical harm if I bailed on her the day before her wedding. Instead of running away I chose a different means of escape and quickly fell asleep.

I'm not sure how long I slept before I felt someone's fingers brushing hair away from my face that had gotten matted by my tears.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Rosalie lying on the bed facing me.

"Hey sunshine," she said softly.

"Hey," I mumbled. I looked at the end of the bed and saw Alice sitting on her calves giving me a sad smile.

"Are you okay?" She whispered.

I shook my head no and the tears started to fall again.

"Oh honey," Rose sighed as she sat up and pulled my body so my head was in her lap.

"What happened?" She asked gently. I was a little shocked at her concern but it did comfort me in some small way.

"I…I slept with him," I sobbed into the leg of her jeans.

"What?" She yelled loudly causing me to jump.

"I mean, what?" Rose said in a softer voice.

"It just happened. I wanted him and so one thing led to another. It felt so right but then I panicked. He wanted it to mean more than what it was but I couldn't set myself up for that again, you know? Then we got into a fight and I basically told him we would never be together." By the time I was able to get all of that out I was crying even harder.

"He somehow managed to break my heart again, only this time I didn't even know I had given it to him," I cried.

Rose ran her fingers through my hair and made shushing noises.

"The heart may break, but it goes on beating just the same." Rose spoke to me like I was a child in the middle of a tantrum.

"You…stole that… from…Fried Green Tomatoes," I said through hiccups and ragged breaths.

Alice giggled lightly from the corner of the bed but still looked sad.

"Shut up," Rose said before hitting me on the head with a pillow.

" Fine, so I'm not so good with the emotional advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic or snarky comment?" She asked in her normal voice.

I couldn't help but laugh a little. Alice scooted over and pushed Rose aside as I sat up and leaned against the head board.

"I found this. I think he slipped it under your door before the guys left."

She pulled a folded envelope out of her back pocket and handed it to me. My name was written in Edward's elegant script across the front of it.

I looked at both the girls trying to understand what it was I had and hoping they could give me some advice.

"Well open it, shit," Rose said with exasperation.

"Duh," Alice yawned.

"Did you just say 'duh'?" Rose asked her.

"Shut it," Alice said with an elbow to Rosalie's side.

"Both of you shut it," I said softly as I pulled a piece of paper out of the envelope.

"Read it out loud," Alice said jumping up and down just a bit.

Rosalie smacked her in the arm and Alice looked at me apologetically.

"Do you want us to leave?" She asked.

"No it's fine," I lied. I should probably read this alone but they would only ask me about it later.

I unfolded the paper and began to read silently to myself.

_Bella, _

_I've made a lot of mistakes in my life; some you know about, some you don't. However, the only thing in this life that I truly regret was leaving that day. I will never forgive myself, not only for walking away from the greatest gift I have ever received, but for letting you believe that I didn't love you. _

_Despite how hard I try I will never be able to fully understand how you must have felt, standing there thinking that I didn't want you, that you weren't good enough. That was never the case. You were—are—more amazing than anything I ever deserved. _

_I'm not upset with you for not giving me a second chance. I know I don't deserve one. Once this wedding is over and we both move on with our lives, I won't call you or bother you. I'll try my best to move on from this but I will always be waiting for you if you ever change your mind. If not, then I will still consider myself the luckiest man alive because—f only for a short time—I was loved by you. Those years were the greatest of my life. It took me a while to realize how lucky I was but I know now. Living without you has taught me that. _

_I've enclosed for you my final physical tie to you that I have. I hope you find every happiness you desire. You deserve it. _

_I will and have always loved you, _

_Edward_

My eyes were blurred by the time I finished reading his words. I reached frantically for the discarded envelope.

I stuck my hand inside and pulled out an old creased Polaroid. It was my picture. The one he had taken when I first gave him his camera.

I sniffed as I looked at the younger version of myself, surprised he was able to find it after all this time.

"What is it?" Rosalie whispered.

I turned the picture around to show her.

"Aww," she sighed before realizing what she had said and clamping her hand over her mouth.

Alice simply nodded at the picture and looked at me expectantly.

"I guess he found it somewhere in his room. I can't believe it was still there," I sniffed.

"Bella," Alice said slowly.

I tore my eyes away from the picture I had yet to let go of and looked at her.

"Hmm?"

"He didn't find that here," she said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Rose asked for me.

Alice's as never left mine.

"He's always carried that in his wallet. I knew he did when you guys were together but I went to get his driver's license out of his wallet the other day so I could write down his address and I saw that he still had it in there. He's never taken it out," she said as she rubbed my back.

"Hhuh?" I said because I couldn't form any other thoughts or words.

"He's always carried you with him. He never stopped loving you," She said gently.

We fell into a peaceful silence before Rosalie barged in into it like a bull.

"Well, hell," she lamented loudly.

"What?" I asked, confused by her outburst.

"He's making it really hard for me to hate his bronze haired ass," she said sounding genuinely annoyed by this fact.

"Well," she said with expectation.

I looked at her silently asking for an explanation.

"What are you still doing here? Get your ass in gear and go find him," she commanded while tossing me her keys.

I stared at them blankly for a moment before my brain began functioning and I jumped off the bed to scramble around for my shoes.

I didn't say goodbye as I run down the stairs and jumped into Rose's BMW. I must have slept for a while because it's fairly dark outside. The rain was beating loudly against the windshield and the sound was increasing my anxiousness.

The car purred loudly when I turned the key. I threw it in reverse and dropped the clutch with my foot on the gas. Rose was going to be pissed if she saw that but I was gone before I had a chance to see her come outside.

I couldn't control my thoughts as I flew down the road much faster than I would normally drive.

He meant what he said.

He had always loved me.

What did that even mean?

If he loved me before and left why should I put myself in the same position? I was beyond confused about what was going to happen from here on out but I knew the answer to that question.

Because I love him and he's worth the risk. However, for some unexplainable reason I believed that he wouldn't hurt me again.

I knew the guys would be at Jasper's parent's house and luckily I still remembered the way.

The rain didn't let up on the short drive over to the Hale's. I had barely gotten the car turned off before I took off running through the perfectly manicured lawn, only stumbling once.

When I reached the front door and raised my hand to knock I realized I had no clue what the hell I was going to say. My lack of preparation caused me to freeze.

What was I supposed to say to him now after I completely shut him out this afternoon?

"Bella, what are you doing here?" A warm voice called out from behind me.

After I finished jumping about two feet in the air from fear, I turned quickly and saw Edward walking up from the yard into the soft glow of the porch light.

"Edward," I said with a ragged breath.

"What's going on?" He asked again sounding concerned.

"Um…I…we," I stammered like an idiot. He stepped closer to me and gently wiped away the wet trails on my cheek.

"What is it, love?" He questioned, his bold green eyes boring into mine.

"Oh, to hell with it," I sighed before throwing my arms around him and pressing his lips to mine.

**A/N: So um well I have some good news and some bad news...The bad news is this story only has a couple more chapters remaining and there will not be an epi. The good news is I'm about to start working on a sequel...If y'all want one of course.?**

**Okay now to let my inner tween out for a few moments. Who saw Rob on Oprah? He was so adorable. I did get a bit irritated at the screaming girls who got a knock on there door from him. He could have came to my house and I could have hung out with him calmly offered him an adult beverage without harassing him (well maybe that's not entirely true). ; D  
**

**Anyways, now that I got that out, Review and let me know what you think! Yes, I'll tease you, you know I've got you spoiled at this point.  
**


	14. I Wish It Would Rain

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry it took me so long to get this back to you but work has been crazy, and I had some writer's block. Anyway, thank you for reading and an extra thank you to those of you who review. It means a lot!**

**Special thanks to Edwardrocksmysocks for her work with this chapter and her ability to deal with my whining about this chapter all week. You rock!**

**If you think I wrote Twilight then I don't want you reading this story, so shoo. **

Chapter 14

I Wish It Would Rain

EPOV

"Hey lead foot, easy on the gas." Emmett laughed from the passenger seat of his jeep. This was probably the fourth time he'd opened his mouth in as many minutes.

I had just said goodbye to the only thing that mattered to me and he felt now was the time to critique my driving. I wouldn't have to drive at all if he and Jasper hadn't felt the need to deplete Charlie's cooler on their little fishing trip. Well Jasper probably would have been fine to drive but why take the risk.

"Emmett, I swear to God, one more word and I'm wrapping this piece of shit around a tree," I growled as I pushed the speedometer up another notch.

I tried to focus on the winding dirt road and not my idiot of a big brother, but he just couldn't keep his trap shut.

"Word," he said in a monotone voice.

A string of expletives flew out of my mouth as I punched him repeatedly in the shoulder, keeping one hand on the wheel. He laughed but held his arm in pain.

"Can you please just shut the hell up?" I asked. I should probably feel bad for taking out my anger towards myself on him but seriously, it's Emmett.

"What are you going to do if I don't?" He taunted with a grin.

Idiot.

"I'm going to kick your ass when I put this thing in park," I said not looking at him.

He laughed loudly as though I were funny.

"I'm serious," I told him.

"You couldn't if you wanted to." He chuckled.

"Yes, I could," I said confidently. I had beaten him once or twice. He may have been big but he was slow as hell.

"No you couldn't."

"Yes, I could."

"No you couldn't."

"Yes-"

"Would both of you shut up," a previously silent Jasper yelled from the backseat causing us both to jump.

The rest of the ride to the Hale's was silent.

"Mama Hale, we're home!" Emmett yelled as he barged into the house. Jasper just laughed as Emmett made a b-line for the kitchen.

"There's no food made; where is she?" Emmett demanded as he made his way back to the living room.

"Her and John went out tonight. They probably won't be home till late." Jasper yawned kicking off his shoes.

You did not want to track mud in Mama Hale's house. I had once seen her drag Jasper outside by his ear when we were younger because he got dirt on her floor. John, Jasper's step father, had just laughed. It was funny because I believe Jasper was about eighteen at the time.

"You got any beer in here?" Emmett asked from the couch which he was now stretched across.

"In the fridge," Jasper sighed as he flopped down in one of the two recliners in the living room. I took the other one after getting my shoes off.

"So are you going to tell me what happened or are we just going to pretend that I have no idea that anything is wrong?" He asked with half a smile.

"What are you talking about?" I asked before flipping on the television and turning to ESPN.

"Dude, get real. Even if your panties weren't in a huge twist for some reason, Bella's face when she came into the house is enough to let me know something went down."

"Shit," I mumbled, rubbing my face with both hands.

"Yeah, you're lucky Emmett didn't notice or you'd be on his shit list right about now."

"Can we talk about this later? I really don't want to have to get into this with Emmett. He already threatened my life if I screwed anything up with her." I sighed.

"Hey Emmett!" Jasper yelled loudly towards the kitchen.

"What the hell are you doing?" I whispered harshly.

Emmett called out a yeah and Jasper grinned at me.

"Mom made a pot of her famous chili for us this afternoon. It's in the fridge she said we could heat it up if we got hungry."

"Shit yeah," Emmett yelled.

"Don't forget, Mom doesn't want anyone eating in the living room. You remember what happened last time," Jasper called back loudly.

"Yes" was Emmett's mumbled response.

"Okay so talk, what did you do?" Jasper smiled at me.

"Dude that's just it, I don't even think I did anything this time. I think it's just over. Some things happened and I thought we were on the same page but then she tells me it means nothing and she can't trust me to be in a relationship with her," I said trying to leave out as many details as possible.

"Wait, did you sleep with her?" Jasper whispered, leaning forward.

"C'mon man," I sighed.

I did not want to discuss having sex with Bella with anyone. It was ours and it was private. It amazed me how different I felt about discussing sex when Bella was involved. A week ago I wouldn't have minded giving Jasper the sordid details of whichever flavor of the week he wanted to hear about.

"You did," he said like he was disappointed.

"Don't worry man, I understand not wanting to share the details but what happened, ya know, after?" He asked with genuine concern.

"Long story short, I asked her what it meant to her and she basically told me it didn't mean anything. We fought she said there wasn't a chance and now I'm here," I said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"That's harsh, Edward," he said with a nod of his head.

"Tell me about it," I agreed.

"Can you really blame her though?"

"No," I said honestly.

Jasper didn't say anything he just looked at me waiting for me to break down and tell him everything, like he was Barbara Walters or some shit.

"It just kills me man. I made a mistake, a big mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. I'm only human. It's just driving me nuts knowing that there is nothing I can do to convince her to give me second chance. I understand her reasoning but what am I supposed to do now?" I asked?

Jasper gave me a sympathetic look and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well it looks like to me you have two options. You can bow out with dignity and let her move on or you can fight. Neither one is really right or wrong it's just what you want to do. But I have known Bella longer than you-"

"Barely," I scoffed. He gave me a stern look for interrupting him before continuing his little speech.

"As I was saying, I have known Bella a long time, and—although I don't know what she is feeling right now—I do know how she felt about you. That girl's love for you was unbreakable."

"Apparently not," I sighed. I was able to break it.

"Dude it's broken but not destroyed. A love like that doesn't just disappear. If anything, it's hidden behind fear. Just be her friend for now. It seemed like that is what you were moving towards before you…before today. Start there and keep proving to her that you aren't who you were."

"You guys didn't want any of this chili did you?" Emmett hollered from the kitchen.

Jasper jumped up out of his seat and moved quickly to the kitchen.

"Dude, I swear…" I heard him mumble as he entered the kitchen.

I kicked back and turned up the volume on the television trying to drown out thoughts of Bella. I was so screwed. Let her go or fight, those were my options. Truth be told, I didn't even have an option because by now she had probably already read the note I left saying goodbye. What was I supposed to do now? Walk up to her and say 'Hey Bella, you know that so long letter I left you telling you to move on and be happy…yeah scratch that'.

I'm such a jerk.

No, it was done. She deserved better. She deserved everything. I would let her have that.

By the time the guys returned I was eyeballs deep in self pity. I considered drinking it away but I knew I wouldn't do that again. I had spent the first six months after our break up trying to drink the thoughts of her away and had learned that there is not a whiskey strong enough to outlast her.

So I tried to immerse myself in whatever pointless conversation Jasper and Emmett felt like having.

It was later in the evening when the conversations became nearly unbearable. Emmett had begun to sober up a little but was getting a little too serious for my taste.

"What if I screw up this whole marriage thing?" He asked Jasper mostly since I wasn't much of a talker tonight.

"You won't, everything will work out fine," Jasper said for probably the third time tonight.

"You don't know that man. I can't mess this up. I can't be without Rose. She's as stubborn as a mule and the biggest pain in the ass I've ever met but that woman is everything, ya know?" He said honestly.

If I wasn't feeling so down myself I probably would have given him hell for sounding like a girl but I was just tempted to nod and pass him a box of tissues.

"How did you handle it man?" Emmett asked me out of nowhere.

"Handle what?"

"Losing Bella. I know you broke up with her but she was the one you were supposed to be with you know? Like if we only get one real true love or whatever, she was yours. How do you deal with losing that?" He asked.

I didn't know whether to hit him or cry like a little girl, so I just answered him as honestly as I could.

"I didn't," I sighed.

He was right. She was that one person for me. In all the years I had been away and with all the women I had met, no one compared to her.

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked.

"Hey Emmett, do you remember the time we dared you to run across the high school parking lot naked?" Jasper laughed nervously. Clearly he was just trying to distract Emmett.

"Yeah I remember. But seriously Edward, how do you just go on knowing that the woman who you're supposed to be with isn't there?" He asked with a genuine concern and curiosity.

I knew Emmett well enough to know that he wasn't trying to be spiteful or malicious. He still thought we were on a path toward getting back together.

"I don't know, Em," I said trying to keep my patience.

"I'm going to get some fresh air." I spoke mainly for Jasper's benefit. He gave me an understanding nod as I walked out.

I paced across the Hale's porch for a while before I realized that wasn't helping at all so I decided to pace the yard instead. I walked around kicking random branches and rocks that got in my way.

When I ran out of rocks I began angrily picking at bark on a tree.

My life sucked.

I finally flopped down on the grass without caring about the wetness that was soaking through my jeans. Rain drops began falling around me and I laughed out loud at how perfectly the rain added to my pathetic predicament.

"Seriously?" I called out to the sky with a dark laugh. Thunder rumbled loudly and I figured it was best to shut my mouth.

I was busy pulling grass out of the wet dirt when I heard the low rumble or Rosalie's car. Fantastic, I couldn't wait to hear what she had to say to me. Luckily I knew she wouldn't hit me; I was in her wedding photos tomorrow.

As soon as the door to the car opened I realized it wasn't Rosalie, but Bella. She stumbled across the lawn and I got up quickly to follow her. I tried not to think of what this could mean. I didn't want to get my hopes up. For all I knew she just wanted to borrow a cup of sugar.

She turned to see me as I hit the porch and said my name with a breathy voice.

"What's going on?" I asked with hesitation.

She tried to give me an explanation but didn't get far.

"What is it love?" I questioned looking deep into her eyes.

"Oh, what the hell." she said before pressing her lips to mine.

Everything seemed to fall into place when she kissed me firmly.

She was here. Bella was here, in my arms. This was all I could think about as I kissed her back with as much passion as she was giving me.

I needed her even closer so I lifted her up and pulled her jean clad legs around my waist. Our lips stayed fused together with nothing but a few soft moans escaping.

The thought that this could be her goodbye to me flashed in my mind but I quickly pushed it back and pulled her even tighter against me.

"I'm sorry," she whispered once she finally separated our mouths.

"You have no reason to be," I mumbled before pulling her lips back to mine.

She ended our kiss again and rested her forehead against mine.

"We have to talk, Edward." She sighed.

"Mmhmm," I got out before reclaiming the soft lips I had been craving.

After what felt like a second, she broke our connection again. I may have growled at her. Just a little.

"I'm serious." She looked at me pleadingly.

I sighed heavily, weighing my options.

"Fine," I sighed.

I walked over to the porch swing that hung over the Hale's porch and sat down with her still wrapped around me.

"We'll talk, but you have to stay on my lap." I smiled, only half serious. I felt so much relief at her presence here that I couldn't even be nervous about the upcoming conversation. She was here.

"If you insist," she began.

"I do."

I nodded my head urging her to speak first.

The moment her lips parted I felt the weight of what was about to happen. I tightened my arms around her waist knowing that—depending on what she had to say—this could be my last opportunity to have her close to me.

"Um…wow…this is harder than I thought it would be. I'm not sure where to start," she said nervously.

"Well, how about you start with telling me what you're doing here?" I said gently as I pulled her bottom lip from her teeth.

"I read the letter. I got the picture. I can't believe you kept that on you all this time."

"Of course I did. I had to have some piece of you with me," I said sadly, remembering how many nights I had spent alone just staring at her picture, wondering where she was or what she was doing.

My longing for her had been all consuming and, like Emmett, I still wonder how I made it through.

"I don't want this to be over. I can't stand the idea of wasting another three years without you. I'm so conflicted. I want to be with you but a part of me is still wondering what would be the bigger mistake." She sighed.

"I don't understand," I said while brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

She gave me a small smile and took a deep breath.

"I don't know if walking away from here without you or taking the risk and giving you the opportunity to hurt me again is going to cause more damage. I don't know if I could handle you walking away from me again. It hurt too badly to go through twice."

My heart ached with her admission. She still thought there was a possibility I could leave again. That was an impossibility.

I took her face in my hands and locked my eyes with hers.

"Bella, I will never make that mistake again. I promise you that-"

She pulled her hands from mine and placed them on my neck.

"You can't make that promise, Edward," she interrupted.

"Yes, I can. I know I told you before that I'd always be there and I failed you. Now I know how that feels and the repercussions of my actions."

"How, will this work? I'm in Florida, you're in New York. We've been apart so long do we really know each other anymore?" She questioned while running a hand through my wet hair.

I bit back a moan at the sensation and forced myself to respond with English words.

"We can work it out. Honestly, I don't care. I'll move to Florida if I have to and we can get to know each other all over again. I just need you with me," I begged.

God, I sounded pathetic.

She kissed me again fiercely and I prayed that meant yes.

She pulled away from my face and stared at me for a moment searching for something.

"Okay," she said and then exhaled loudly.

"Let's slow things down a bit?" She said it like a question and I quickly agreed knowing that I would have agreed to almost anything just to have her back.

I kissed her again but she pulled back after only a few seconds and laughed lightly.

"Not exactly the reaction a guy hopes for when kissing a beautiful girl but it's nice to hear you laugh."

"I was just thinking that clearly taking this slow is going to be harder than I thought," she said.

She rested her forehead against mine and I smiled widely at the feeling of having her close.

A soft knock came from the door which was strange considering we were outside.

I looked at the door to see Jasper poke his head out.

"Hey…sorry guys. Um, Alice just called Bella. She said to tell you to kiss him one more time and get your butt back to the house. Something about pre-wedding business and beauty sleep," he said suppressing a smile.

"Duty calls," Bella sighed.

"We'll talk tomorrow?" I asked before giving her one more chaste kiss.

"Tomorrow." She smiled before climbing off me and heading toward her car. I watched her drive off into the night until I felt something hit me in the back of the head.

I turned and gave Jasper a glare but he just laughed and motioned for me to come inside.

I walked inside and laughed at the surprised look on Emmett's face, like he had just noticed I wasn't in the house.

"Emmett, it hurt like hell when I lost her, but it's heaven having her back," I said with a grin before heading for a shower.

**A/N: Okay so I'm not really sure what to say about this chapter…I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know in a review and as always you will be rewarded! **

**Thanks, **

**Robin**


	15. The End

**A/N: Well ladies, this is the end. I had intended to do one more chapter after this but the way the characters ended it for me felt right. **

**I want to thank all of you who have given this story a chance and those of you who shared your thoughts with me. I hope you will all follow me into the sequel. **

**A huge thanks has to go out to Edwardrocksmysocks for her invaluable work betaing this story for me. I know what this story would have looked like without your help girl, and it isn't pretty!**

**To the four lovely ladies who helped me by doing a bit of pre-reading on my next project, I haven't forgotten about y'all and you have no idea how much your opinions meant to me. Unfortunately my brain malfunctioned and I cleaned out my email before I got a chance to respond to you. My beta can vouch for my impressive ability to screw up something as simple as email. Anyway you guys were awesome and I can't thank you enough. If you had any questions I wasn't able to respond to please ask again and I promise I will get back to you. **

**Well...I guess that's all folks. Meyer still owns and you can meet me at the bottom for sequel info and some Eclipse ramblings.  
**

Chapter 15

The End

I woke up the next morning on the floor of the living room. Alice's plan for beauty sleep had been completely disregarded in favor of margaritas and nineties songs we wouldn't admit to listening to this morning.

We spent Rosalie's last night as a single woman finishing up the slumber party we had began upon my arrival. The fact that she would be entering into a very adult union was lost on us as we embraced our inner teenager.

I had told the girls all about what had transpired between Edward and me last night with overly feminine sentiment. I blame the patron.

Alice had been overly giddy, as expected and Rose simply seemed resigned to the idea. She warned me to be careful but—despite her rigid tone—I caught the hint of the smile she was trying to hide.

I was the first one awake and it seemed to be fairly early judging by the soft light filling the room. I took inventory of my friends and found Rosalie on the couch wearing a 'bride to be' tiara. Her leg was draped over the top of the couch and her arm hung off of it. She was going to be unpleasant today.

Alice was curled up into a tiny ball on the loveseat, her hair sticking out in a scary looking mess. My nose led me to the kitchen where I found Esme sitting at the dining room table cradling a cup of coffee.

The moms had ended up joining us for a while last night and I had no idea when they called it a night; though I'm pretty sure they outlasted us.

"I just put a fresh pot on." Esme smiled.

I fixed myself a cup of coffee and joined her at the table.

"So, are you ready to hand your baby off?" I asked with a smile.

"More than ready." She sighed over dramatically. She laughed but we both knew she would be crying come seven this evening.

"Although, I do believe I'm more than ready to hand the other one over." She winked.

I nearly choked on my caffeinated confection. I had forgotten that Esme was present when I regaled the girls with my tale.

"Whoa now, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Edward and I are just now…well I don't know what we are but we certainly aren't there." I laughed nervously.

I was giving Edward a second chance but there was still that voice in the back of my head that told me he could leave me again. There was no grand gesture, or earth shattering kiss that could get rid of that voice. It would take time and a lot of it to completely restore my trust in Edward, but he was worth the risk.

"Relax dear," she said with a smile. "I'm only teasing, although, I am happy to see that Edward has finally pulled his head out of his ass."

I was thankful I had put my mug down as it would have been embarrassing to choke twice.

"Where's mom?" I asked, noticing the silence that never persisted if she or Alaina were awake.

"They went to the Deli to pick up the subs and fruit trays for lunch."

I nodded in understanding and we fell into a casual discussion about the wedding and wagered on what would go wrong and how Rosalie would react.

"Now, if the flowers are wrong, I got ten that says she throws one of those catering trays at the messenger." I laughed.

"Hmm, plausible but no. I think she'll call the florist and scream at her until she makes the poor woman cry." Esme chuckled.

"You're both wrong," Rose mumbled as she made her way into the kitchen, having apparently woken up during our conversation.

"I'll shank her."

Rosalie didn't crack a smile at her words as she made a slow walk to the coffee pot. Her hair was a mess but somehow managed to look more sex pot than rat's nest.

"So are you nervous, my future daughter-in-law?" Esme smiled at Rosalie as she sat down to join us at the table.

"No, not really. I'm nervous something may go wrong. The caterers could screw up. It could storm. Bella could fall while walking down the aisle," Rosalie rattled off her worries on her fingers and I simply scowled.

"Oh what? Like it isn't a possibility?" She challenged me with a raised eyebrow.

"Whatever," I mumbled and then went to wake the pixie.

Alice hadn't budged from her position. I almost felt guilty about waking her but then I remembered all the times she had barged into my house and drug me out of bed to go black Friday shopping.

"Alice, get your butt up," I said as I shoved her a little too roughly.

"Mother's ass, Bella! What is your problem?" She groaned loudly before burying her face in her pillow.

"We've got a wedding today," I sang. She bolted up immediately and began running around the living room folding blankets and picking up our mess from last night. I watched her in silence, amazed at how quickly she could go from zero to sixty.

"Why are you just standing there? We have so much to do!" She demanded loudly.

"Relax, Alice. We've got time. Come have some coffee with us…on second thought juice for you." I smiled and she threw a throw pillow at me.

The morning was a relaxing one. Rose had been adamant that her wedding be in the evening so we could take our time getting ready.

Rose and Emmett had sprung to have all of the rental companies and other wedding suppliers set everything up so I didn't think we would have much to do.

I was wrong. Even though we weren't completely rushed we were steadily moving. Directions were given and then overturned by someone else. Food was tasted and critiqued. Hair was both critiqued and overturned by Alice. Things were a bit chaotic but functional.

By five we were all showered and it was time to do hair. Rosalie had given free rein to Alice where our beauty was concerned. I wasn't sure if that said more about Alice's abilities or Rosalie's trust in those abilities; either way it was impressive.

I was seated in a chair in the bathroom while Alice brushed and tugged on my long hair. Things were going smoothly until my text message alert rang out through the bathroom. Alice and I looked at each other in the mirror silently before we both dove from our spots and fought to get to my phone.

"Alice let me go!" I yelled as she yanked on my arm effectively pulling me behind her. The pixie was surprisingly strong.

I grabbed a hold of the collar of her robe from behind just as her fingers wrapped around my phone. We fell to the ground and began wrestling for control of _my_ phone.

"What are you worried about? I'll read it out loud," Alice grunted against the cold tile of the bathroom floor.

"That's what I'm worried about," I panted as I knocked the phone out of her hand and sent it sliding across the room.

Before I could untie our limbs and grab it I saw Rosalie's perfectly manicured hand reach down to grab it. I wasn't sure how long she had been standing watching us.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" She asked with a smirk as she flipped open my phone and pressed a button.

A smile crossed her face and she laughed out loud.

"It's just a message from your publisher telling you to call her when you get back to Florida. Hardly worth the girl's gone wild moment you two were sharing." She laughed.

I climbed off of Alice and offered her a hand to pull her up.

"Sorry Bella I just assumed it was something juicy from Edward." Alice sighed.

"So that gave you the right to read my text?" I asked harshly.

Alice simply shrugged and gestured for me to return to my seat. I did and she resumed her yanking and curling.

I was more than a little bummed that Edward hadn't tried to contact me today. I couldn't really be too upset because I hadn't made an effort to speak to him either.

"I'm going to grab a bottle of water," Rosalie said as she gave me my phone and a sly wink.

I quickly flipped my phone open and reopened the text.

_Can't stop thinking about you. Save me a dance beautiful. _

I smiled to myself and typed out a quick reply assuring him that every dance would be his.

I tucked the phone back in my pocket to avoid any more fights in the bathroom.

It didn't take long before Alice had worked her magic on everyone. Once we had finally gotten our dresses on, Rosalie and the bridesmaids were gathered outside to get some of the pictures taken. We would do most of the shots after the ceremony but we were doing Rosalie's solo shots and our group shots now.

We were standing outside waiting for the photographer to arrive when I saw Edward walk out into the yard and greet us.

"What are you doing here?" Rosalie asked panicked. "Emmett's not here yet is he? You guys are supposed to wait."

"Calm down, Rose." Edward laughed. "I was going to see, if you wouldn't mind if I take some of the shots tonight. Consider it an early wedding present." He smirked.

He pulled his camera out from behind his back and winked at me. Rose didn't say anything but went and kissed his cheek.

"Okay ladies let's get started."

He instantly took charge and began directing us in our poses. I watched his brow crease in concentration as he worked. He looked good behind the camera.

"Bella, chin up, please," he commanded with a smirk.

I did as he asked.

"Rosalie angle your shoulders toward Alice and turn your head toward me. Good."

He spent the next thirty minutes taking as many shots as time would allow and even had the parents out for some.

"Okay, that's a wrap for now. Rosalie I talked to the photographer you hired this morning and he's still going to shoot the ceremony so I can stand next to Emmett. I hope that's okay?" Edward asked nervously.

"That's fine." She smiled. I watched as she walked up to him and in a very un-Rosalie fashion, wrapped her arms around him.

She whispered something in his ear and he nodded and kissed her forehead. I had almost forgotten that they too had known each other since childhood and at one point were also very close.

I smiled at the sight before me and nudged Alice's arm. She looked at me knowingly and we left the two of them to speak in private.

"So when are you moving to New York?" Alice asked as soon as we were back inside.

"What?" I gasped.

"Well you are moving aren't you?" She asked.

"No, maybe, no, I don't know," I stammered.

"Why would I be moving? Who's to say Edward can't move or that this will even last long enough to worry about that?"

"Don't do that," Alice demanded in a harsher tone than I had heard her use in years.

"Do what?" I asked growing defensive.

"You said you'd give him a chance. Don't start doubting him the second you agree to try again. It's not fair," she said with authority.

"Life isn't fair," I mumbled.

I knew that she was right but I didn't know how to turn off my worries. Imagining giving up my life to follow him to New York was terrifying but so was the thought of living without seeing Edward every day as I had gotten used to this week.

Him leaving me the first time was painful but if I moved for him and he ran again that would be painful and humiliating. I wasn't sure I could recover from that.

Once Edward finished a few solo shots of Rosalie we headed back upstairs until it was time for the ceremony to start. Rosalie wass the picture of calm until Alaina joined us in Alice's cozy room.

Alaina gave Rosalie a sad smile and I watched in shock as Rosalie's bottom lip began to quiver. Alaina moved to her quickly and wrapped her up in a solid embrace.

I was unable to hear the soft words Alaina was whispering to her but I watched helplessly as Rose nodded and batted angrily at the tears running down her cheek.

It didn't click until I felt Alice move from my side to join the hug between the two glassy eyed women.

Rosalie's father isn't here. The always strong Rosalie has shown tears in public on very few occasions since the loss of her dad. She cried as we got ready for her high school graduation and when she graduated college.

Rosalie once spoke of how every happy moment in her life would be marked by sadness from her father's absence.

I joined the group mugging and told her it was going to be okay. Rose shot me a look and I squished my nose up at my mistake. Rosalie hates being told that everything will be okay.

I gave her the best smile I could manage and she gave me a sad smile back. I watched in awe as she shook her head and stood up off the bed we were all gathered on. She wiped her eyes once more and took a deep breath.

"Alright enough of this depressing crap. I'm getting married today," she said as she headed to the vanity to fix her make-up.

It's obvious she's sad but Rosalie is strong and will make it through this day like any other. Alice bounced off the bed and took the shaking mascara wand from Rose's hand to reapply her mascara.

"I'm going to run downstairs and grab a drink. Anyone need anything?" I ask.

No one does so I carefully maneuver my way downstairs.

I find Edward in the kitchen in his tuxedo. He's leaning against the wall staring off into space. He should be in black and white and have a cigarette between his lips like a young Humphrey Bogart or Cary Grant.

His voice rings out through the house and I jump despite the fact that I've been staring at him for almost a full minute. I hadn't noticed he had his cell phone against his ear.

"I can't Tanya, I'm sorry. I have things to do here," he said loudly.

I hate that I'm eavesdropping but he still hasn't noticed me so I back up just a bit so I'm guaranteed discretion.

"I told you. No. Yes. Fine I'll get out of here as soon I can." He sighed heavily his frustration saturating his tone.

I go back upstairs without my drink and try to process what's going on. I need to ask about Tanya. Despite my worries about Edward's and my relationship, I trust him not to be seeing someone else.

I hate the way my stomach clenches at the idea of him having to leave any earlier than he already is. We've already wasted so much time and now we're both leaving. There are so many things to discuss and no time to do it.

"Everything alright?" Alice asked when I came back in the room.

"Fine," I replied with a forced smile.

She gave me a look that said she could see through me but doesn't push.

It's not much longer before Esme knocks gently on the door. Her perfectly coiffed head peaks in and tells us it's time.

We gathered downstairs at the back doors and waited for the music to start.

"I'll be right behind you." Rose smiles.

I opened the door and carefully walked toward the aisle that is defined only by small white candles.

I looked up ahead ready to lock eyes with Edward.

I nearly choked when I realized there is a gap between Emmett and Jasper where he should be. I forced myself to keep walking as my stomach plummeted to the soles of my over-priced shoes. He's already gone.

He left, without so much as a goodbye.

I tried to smile at Emmett through my building tears, hoping they could be passed off as happy tears for him and Rose.

I wanted so badly to run to him and demand to know what happened to Edward but I won't ruin this day more than his brother already has.

After an eternity I finally reached my mark and gripped my bouquet tightly. I wouldn't cry over him, not now.

The music changes and I direct my attention where it should be, Rose.

The patio doors open again and she steps out proudly.

A shuddering breath escapes me as my eyes run up the arm that her hand is looped through. They continue their path of exploration and are met with the beautiful combination of white teeth and perfect bone structure.

Edward is smiling looking just as proud as Rose. He looks at me and grins even wider.

The relief that washes over me outweighs the guilt I knew I should be feeling for doubting him.

Edward expertly guides Rosalie down the aisle and hands her off to Emmett.

We try not to stare at one another as Rosalie and Emmett bind themselves to one another.

EPOV

I couldn't believe she thought I would simply leave. Obviously it would take time to convince her of my dedication to her, to us.

"Really, Bella. I would have left you a post it or something," I teased as we glided around the dance floor to an old Sinatra song.

"I'm glad you find yourself so funny." She muttered, rolling her eyes at me before laying her head on my chest.

"We have a lot to talk about," she tells my lapel.

"I know," I whisper.

I kissed the top of her head and pulled her tighter against me.

This is the last slow dance of the night and I would give anything to be able to freeze time and stay in this moment forever.

"Do you want to get out of here? Most of the guests have already left," I plead.

Bella nods her head while yawning.

I take her hand and we head off across the yard toward the seclusion of our tree house.

While Bella climbs up the ladder, I look toward the direction of the nearly empty tent and ensure that we haven't been spotted.

"Not an easy climb in this dress." Bella laughs as I make my way into the tree house.

"Well I happen to think you look amazing in it." I tell her honestly.

She simply smiles as she settles herself against my side.

I'm not sure how long we stayed lying together in silence, our fingers making random patterns on the other's exposed skin.

"I have to leave first thing in the morning." I sighed.

"I figured. What…what are we going to do?" She asked.

"What do you want to do?"

"Edward, be serious. We need to figure this out together."

"I am serious. I'll do whatever you want to do. I might have some preferences…but it's up to you."

"A-ha" she said with a smirk. "And what might these preferences be?"

"Well…" I mused as I place a kiss on her hand that is intertwined with mine.

"You could move to New York," I punctuate with another kiss.

Bella opens her mouth to protest and I speak before she has a chance.

"Preferences remember? It's up to you. But you can write anywhere and where could you find more publishers than New York? Anyway, you could move into my apartment where we will spend the next….year…ten months making up for all the sex we've missed out on."

Bella's snort interrupts my thought process but I push forward.

"I'd spend that time showing you my favorite places in the city and trying my damndest to make up for all of my mistakes."

"Edward, there's no need to still feel guilty. The past is just that. We have to move forward." Bella whispered.

"At the end of that time I'll propose in some fashion that will guarantee your acceptance. Maybe I'll propose shirtless," I teased to lighten the mood. Bella laughs but doesn't comment.

"So you'll say yes. We'll get married, nine months later we'll have a baby; a son with your eyes, to be quickly followed by a little girl with your smile. Oh and you will win a Pulitzer," I finished with an affirmative nod and look at Bella.

Her face is contorted as she fights to keep the smile off of her face.

"Well?" I asked with a shrug.

She takes a deep breath then scrunches her face in thought.

"I want two Pulitzers," she said seriously.

I laugh loudly and pull her against me. The silence returns for a while before she decides to speak.

"I'm not making any huge decisions now. We need time. I'm not saying I will or won't ever move to New York but right now I can't consider making that decision," she replied sadly.

"I understand," I said, because I do.

"We should probably take our time. See how things go. But we can visit each other, right?" I asked hopefully.

"Um yeah, you had better come see me, and you know I've always wanted to go to New York."

"So we'll play it by ear then?"

"Works for me…for now." Bella smiles.

It would take time to get everything figured out but right now I couldn't find it in me to care. Bella was mine and I was hers once again. Lying here with her in my arms I knew I had found my heaven on earth and there was no way I would be letting it go again.

**A/N: So that's it...for now. What'd you think? **

**I'm taking a brief semi-break from fanfic. Only a couple weeks maybe a month before beginning the sequel. I have an outtake or two that I will post for ATHEA sometime in that break but I have a lot going on this coming month and I don't want to post the first chapter of the new story only to make you wait three weeks for the second. **

**Then again who knows, I could get some free time and give myself a nice case of carpal tunnel. **

**Again thank you all so much for sticking this story out. I hope you'll all put me on Author alert so you know when the sequel goes up. **

**Leave me one last review and let me know what you thought. Please.  
**

**ECLIPSE...If you haven't seen it yet you may not want to read. If you have I'm DYING to hear your opinions so let me know if you agree or disagree with my thoughts. **

**The Good: Rob looked better in this movie than he has in any either of the previous. He looked like he filled out, I liked! I loved Jasper in this movie, pretty sure I feel in love with him when he was "fighting" with Alice. mmm mmm mmm. **

**The Bad: Maybe it was just b/c Eclipse was my favorite book in the saga but it seemed like they cut out or completely changed some of the best scenes from the book. I was really dissapointed that it strayed so much further from the book than Twilight or New Moon did. There are entirely too many changes that bugged me to discuss them all. If you saw I'm sure you know of a few. Overall I was dissapointed but that's starting to ease as I think about the meadow scenes and Rob's smirk. The new Victoria...not a fan. **

**The Ugly: Esme...just in general. What happened to her hair? I preferred her Twilight look, very mothering. Carslisle's british accent that just appeared in the third movie? Edward's side burns. **

**Well just a few of my humble opinions on the Eclipse movie. Let's here yours!  
**


	16. AN

Hey everybody, I Just wanted to let you know that the sequel to Heaven or Hell is now posted. The title is Purgatory. Go read it and let me know what you think!


End file.
